Archive

Dogs of Dunedin

Posted 12:29am Monday 30th July 2018 by Jessica Thompson Carr

Tom Tremewan runs the adorable Instagram page Dogs of Dunedin NZ, chronicling the bestest boyes and gurls in Dunedin. Critic caught up with him for a hard-hitting interview.    Where did the idea for this gram come from? It started off with me sending snapchats to my friends of Read more...

Meet the Conservation Dogs

Posted 5:55pm Friday 27th July 2018 by Ellen Rykers

You’ve probably met those nosy beagles at the airport. Those doe-eyed dogs that’ll sit earnestly next to your luggage while you protest your innocence, until the long-forgotten apple festering in the bottom of your backpack is revealed. Or maybe you’ve slunk past the doggos with a Read more...

Money and Bitches: Meet the Guy Who Makes a Living Rating Dogs on Twitter

Posted 6:41pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Callum Doyle

If you’ve ever heard someone say the nonsensical words doggo, woofer or pupper, they may have suffered a serious stroke and require medical attention immediately. Or, they may have just been using some of the new slang words for “dog” that have become so popular that they’re Read more...

Chlöe Swarbrick wants to “make politics cool”

Posted 7:38pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Esme Hall

Chlöe Swarbrick says she’s “the perfect flatmate”. She’s out the door of her Wellington flat at 7am and back after 11pm. She has no time to cook, so never leaves dirty dishes. That is, of course, because she’s a Green MP in an eight-person caucus and handles nine Read more...

Accessible Sex

Posted 7:36pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Is sex a basic human right? Not for your parents hopefully, don’t picture that.  To access sex remains a struggle that plagues most of our lives. It involves showering regularly, wearing inappropriate amounts of deodorant, and forcing yourself to make small talk about their degree. But Read more...

Dunedin's Bar Stereotypes

Posted 5:46pm Thursday 12th July 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Starters: Name: Jess 18 years old. Has a REAL I.D. Also seen in: St David, Arana, Central Library. Lives on Vodka Cruisers and Jägerbombs. Shows up at 9:30. Has way too much energy. Puts everything on daddy’s credit card but still complains about being “a broke Read more...

Telephones to Another World

Posted 5:43pm Thursday 12th July 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Bruce Mahalski collects skulls. Porcupine, tui, crocodile, human, cow and giraffe skulls decorate the front half of his Dunedin home, which he has turned into the Dunedin Museum of Natural Mystery, showcasing his skulls next to bones, fossils, “ethnographic” art, and whatever weird or Read more...

Reviewing Dunedin’s C-Graded Restaurants

Posted 9:57pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Joel MacManus

Our intrepid reporters put their lives on the line to bring you cutting edge reviews of the eateries that Dunedin’s Health Inspectors have deemed least safe for human consumption.    Doughbin – The Bin This place is weird. As a bakery/Japanese restaurant, The Bin is Read more...

I See Music: What It’s Like Living with Synesthesia

Posted 9:53pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Adelaide Dunn

The view from the living room window of my childhood home looks across Kaikorai Valley, a perfect skyline of hills rising to meet Flagstaff. As a four-year-old, I would trace my finger along the line of trees on top of those hills. Every now and then, the sound of a horn from the nearby train-tracks Read more...

A Good Keen Club: The Group That Is Changing The Way Students Eat At Otago

Posted 9:52pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Jim Eunson

Many students are still struggling to afford healthy, nutritious meals on the daily. Rent, power, and other living expenses have an impact on the average student’s ability to eat meat and fish. Some would call on students to stop eating animal products altogether, and perhaps this is an Read more...

How To Take Mushrooms and Not Die

Posted 10:54pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some Read more...

Dumpster Diving: A Beginner’s Guide

Posted 7:38pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Poverty for students is often so fundamentally ingrained that it can be hard to recognise — we make jokes about the lads who live off two-minute noodles and inhabit flats with holes in the walls. It’s scarfie culture down to the bone; golden and beloved. It’s easy to forget that Mi Read more...

We Crashed The Beatles

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Critic

Well, we did it. We sent two of our intrepid, expendable reporters to the City Hotel – not to join the rest in the boozer – and told them to “see the Beatles.” What actually rocked us on our heels was that they did. Our newspaperman and news hen walked in between the Read more...

Sexing It up in Shark Week

Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant

Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. The only time anyone is ever excited about a period is after a pregnancy scare. However, just because periods can ruin your underwear Read more...

Red Alert

Posted 6:08pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Menstruation is a complicated thing: the biology, the mess, the weird food cravings, the sexual urges, and, most of all, talking about it. Periods are like Superman – you never know who is hiding the suit under their clothes. They could strike anytime, anywhere. Before we continue, it needs to Read more...

Bloody Hell: 18 Students Share Their Best Period Stories

Posted 6:07pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Bleeding like a stuck pig for approximately 1/6th of our lives (which is around 15 years of solid bleeding, btw) isn’t an awful lot of fun. So just for a moment, let’s rejoice in, or recoil aghast at, these tales of menstrual treachery that our readers have so kindly Read more...

Dunedin’s Cheapest Alcohol: An Investigative Investigation

Posted 6:00pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Life on the student allowance is a constant struggle to balance those optional extras, like rent and food, with the essentials, like caffeine and alcohol. The ultimate goal in life is to get fucked up without fucking up your finances. You want to drink to forget your money troubles, not create new Read more...

The Capping Show Cult

Posted 11:01pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Jacob Houston

“You’ve just woken up, and you realise the world is in slow motion,” says the director. All right, I’ll play George Bush just doing his regular thing. That’s pretty funny. But I guess that’s been done before; maybe I should just make a character. Yeah, Read more...

Midwife Crisis

Posted 10:59pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Babies are the shitty, screaming, harbingers of shit that are one of the ‘perks’ of settling down and becoming an actual adult. Luckily most of us are not in Gore, so it’s not something we have to consider for at least a few more years. And even better, there’s a whole Read more...

The Mystery of The Disappearing Fuckboi or: The Narrow Escape In The Hyde Street Sex Attic

Posted 10:55pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic

OK boys and girls, ladies and gents, strap yourself in because boy do I have a story for you. I am a first-year health science student who has recently been freed from a messy relationship, and I’ve been looking to get back on the horse - so naturally I turned to Tinder. Armed with a witty Read more...

CROSSFAT

Posted 10:49pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I’m the first to admit it; I’ve gone incredibly soft and sedentary since high school. What used to be a capable and fit dancer’s body has slowly deteriorated into good hugs and heavy partying, usually accompanied by carb-laden food and quality banter, which is not actually a thing Read more...

The Critic Guide to the Shit Towns of Otago

Posted 6:56pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Roxburgh Has singing toilets, which are an extremely common thing in most reasonably-sized cities, but for some reason are considered a tourist attraction here. The Wikipedia page lists it as “one of the country's most important apple growing regions,” which is the only time Read more...

Journey to the Mystic Crystal Castle

Posted 6:49pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Alexander Woolrych

Mullumbimby, Australia is not famous for much, apart from Iggy Azaelea and substance abuse. But there is one curiosity which manages to attract visitors from around the world to this shithole town – the Crystal Castle.  The founder of the Crystal Castle, Naren King, celebrated the Read more...

Your Rough Guide to Student Exchange

Posted 6:35pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

It’s a cold, miserable night in Dunedin. My flatmate Alice and I are on our phones drinking rum. Occasionally we’ll look up to show each other a meme or pour another glass. It’s a simple, well-worn routine, like putting on sweatpants or drunkenly calling your ex. Out of the silence Read more...

The Best Drinking Games From Around The World

Posted 6:01pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Drinking is the most essential part of travelling – just ask anyone who has been on an OE. If their best story doesn’t involve them being blackout drunk in whatever country they inflicted themselves upon, they’re either lying or went to Carrington. So, a good magazine would do some Read more...

Inside Hyde Street

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Callum Doyle

On paper, Hyde Street is really dumb, right? Or is it just me? You pay for your ticket, you buy your shit costume from one of the five shitty stores which make all their money at this time of the year and you drink enough to convince yourself you had a great time. Who would be dumb enough to do Read more...

I Took Mushrooms and Went to a Concert, Because Journalism

Posted 8:15pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

If there’s one thing that Critic has taught me, it’s that you can do the dumbest shit you can think of, and if you write about it afterwards, it’s still technically journalism. Watch every Adam Sandler movie in a year? Journalism. Wear a fedora for seven days? Journalism. Fuck a Read more...

Game of Faculties

Posted 5:54pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Lachie Robertson

If HBO weren’t being massive cockteases and making us wait a whole extra year, the new season of Game of Thrones would be out by now. But it’s not and everyone is very sad about that. To ease the pain of not having any new episodes, we fired up the ol’ imagination and Read more...

Overworked, Underpaid, Undertrained: The Nightmare Lives of RAs

Posted 5:50pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

*All the names of the RAs in this article have been changed due to strict contracts forbidding RAs to speak to the media My parents may not be legally obligated to look after my drunk ass after age 18, but someone has to if I’m not going to end up dead in a ditch. Enter Residential Read more...

The Great Campus Toilet Review

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Thomas T. Crapper

Shitting is an activity that we must all undertake, sometimes with great urgency. As a person who much prefers to make deposits in the comfort of my own home, when I receive nature’s call on campus I can’t help but curse the gods for my grave misfortune. This is mostly due to the Read more...

How Dunedin Destroyed BYOs

Posted 8:20pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

BYO culture is sacred. You get the mates and the missus together, fuck around in New World trying to find the best dollar-per standard wine, and finally saunter through some dimly-lit, red-walled restaurant with your posse. There’s something about knocking back a few glasses – or bottles Read more...

The Great Critic Fish n Chip Review

Posted 10:17pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

Fish and chips are the ultimate feed for students. They’re cheap, they’re unhealthy, they don’t ask questions or judge your lifestyle choices. Critic have left no salty stone unturned in the noble quest to deduce the best fish and chips available to the good residents of North Read more...

Could Child Sex Dolls Reduce Sexual Assault? We spoke to a Pedophile who thinks so.

Posted 9:50pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Todd E. Nickerson could have the Tinder bio of your dreams. He’s a one-armed freelance artist and graphic designer who loves “art, movies, books, science, philosophy, cooking and daydreaming”. Todd is also a self-confessed “celibate/non-offending pedophile,” who says he Read more...

The Demise of the Student Pub

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I was 16 years old the first time I ever illegally set foot in a nightclub, and that night in 2001 would pinpoint the start of a love affair with Dunedin’s vibrant student pubs and clubs scene. Drunk on Bernadino and KGBs, my best friend and I concocted an incredible backstory of being Read more...

Talking Shit About The Exec For A Bit

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Every quarter the OUSA Executive submit reports about what they’ve been doing, which the exec then votes to approve. In order to get paid, they have to have their reports approved in full. This quarter’s reports were super boring so we had our subeditors pore through them and mark Read more...

Exploring the Dunedin Wildlife Hospital

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Josephine Devereux

Walking through the doors, a fishy, salty smell filled my nostrils. No, I wasn’t in the Unicol bathrooms; I’d just entered the new Dunedin Wildlife Hospital facilities. I was here to chat with the hospital’s volunteer coordinator Lauren about the hospital, last year’s Read more...

Scarfies: The Film That Gave Taika Waititi His Big Break

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Joel MacManus

An empty flat. A quarter of a million dollars worth of weed. A drug dealer that wants to kill you. And you’ve taken him hostage in your basement. What would you do? That was the question asked by Robert Sarkie’s 1999 film “Scarfies,” the movie that put Dunedin and its Read more...

I Wore a Fedora for a Week and It Changed Me

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Nick Baird

There comes a time in every young man’s life when he must choose who he wants to become. Will he be a shining beacon of success? A piece of shit? A wizened monk devoid of all worldly thirsts? A huge piece of shit? All options are on the table, but it’s hard to know which pool you should Read more...

Eat a Locust, Save a Cow

Posted 10:57pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Malcolm Diack loves animals. As we enter his suburban house in Caversham we’re greeted by a beautiful deaf Samoyed, two cats, and a tank of frogs. At his house Malcolm Diack also farms locusts for human consumption. The frogs are what got him into insect farming in the first place; he used Read more...

The Butt-Loving Generation

Posted 9:06pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Asses are trending. Belfies are flooding Instagram. Songs like “Anaconda” and “Wiggle” became viral sensations. Brazilian butt lifts increased by 53% in 2013, and women are flooding to the gym to squat their life away. Previously, asking “does this dress make my butt Read more...

Sexy Stitch-Ups : Twelve students reveal their most embarrassing sex stories

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Courtney “So I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for months and we finally met up. We hung out and I couldn't decide if I liked the text version or the live version better, so we met up a few more times. Cue the awkward ‘I'm very sober, I haven't had sex for a long Read more...

That One Time I Realised It Wasn’t Just a Bad Sex Experience, It Was Assault

Posted 8:59pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Laura Amy

Not long ago I was sitting down with a friend talking about exes and past flings, which led to sharing sex stories. “Okay,” I asked, “what was the worst sex you’ve had?” He told me about the time he was losing his virginity and the girl’s ex-boyfriend walked Read more...

“I Sold My Underwear Online and Used the Money to Buy Pokémon”

Posted 8:56pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Matilda* is your typical Instagram art hoe. Never seen without her kanken, her embroidered dungarees and Vincent van Gogh socks, we’ve all seen variations of her around campus. But behind the lens of her yellow Polaroid camera lies a more twisted version of reality. Matilda sold her used Read more...

Sleep Paralysis - it's fucking terrifying

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Maddie Grant

One night when I was 17, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t move my body. I’m talking about not even being able to open my fucking eyes. So I just lay there, thinking “FUCK FUCK FUCK Am I dead? Am I having a nightmare? Did I somehow break my neck and Read more...

Le Tour de Goon

Posted 6:11pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Callum Doyle

“Oh shit, watch out!” A cylcist with more confidence than ability had smashed into a girl, and she was lying down, unmoving. “Shit I’m going to be in an ODT article about dead students, aren’t I?” was my only thought as we rushed to her. Luckily, my fears were Read more...

Can Assuming Bogan Characteristics Enhance Performance While Surfing? A Scientific Expedition

Posted 6:02pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Sam Fraser-Baxter

Hello Zukeen magazine is a Dunedin-based arts and culture publication. It’s silly, sexy and stupid. It’s all about young people doing rad shit. If you enjoy any of the following, chances are you’ll enjoy Hello Zukeen: waves, cool noises, people riding things, art, exceptional Read more...

Ancient Greeks: We Disguised Ourselves as Freshers and Infiltrated the Toga Party.

Posted 6:16pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Erin Broughton

‘Otago’ is one letter and a tiny word scramble away from ‘Toga’. Taking this as a prophetic sign, we sent two Critic writers who are way too old for this shit to coat their baggy eyes with foundation, rip up some sheets, and brave the iconic event that is the Toga Read more...

69 Things You Absolutely Should Not Do At University

Posted 6:13pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Critic

Don’t do a ‘survey’ for a Christian group; they’re not researching anything, they just want to convert you. And there won’t be any sex. Don’t go to a ‘Landers game in any section but the Zoo: old people are terrible company. Unless they smell like Read more...

Chronicles of Castle: 7 Days of O-Week on NZ’s Biggest Party Street

Posted 6:10pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

As one of the two truly iconic party streets of North Dunedin, Castle is locked in a never ending tussle with Hyde to prove their status as the true home of O-Week. It’s hectic, as parties spill onto the street and combine into a frothing melee of noise, dancing and vomit. We sent a Read more...

Judith Collins: Critic Takes on the Crusher

Posted 4:30pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Joel MacManus

Judith Collins is a pit bull, with a no-nonsense attitude and a badass nickname to boot. ‘The Crusher’ is a moniker she originally picked up as Justice Minister for her policy of crushing boy racers’ cars, but soon came to represent her entire brand of politics. Among the Read more...