Archive

How To Take Mushrooms and Not Die

Posted 10:54pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some Read more...

Dumpster Diving: A Beginner’s Guide

Posted 7:38pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Poverty for students is often so fundamentally ingrained that it can be hard to recognise — we make jokes about the lads who live off two-minute noodles and inhabit flats with holes in the walls. It’s scarfie culture down to the bone; golden and beloved. It’s easy to forget that Mi Read more...

We Crashed The Beatles

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Critic

Well, we did it. We sent two of our intrepid, expendable reporters to the City Hotel – not to join the rest in the boozer – and told them to “see the Beatles.” What actually rocked us on our heels was that they did. Our newspaperman and news hen walked in between the Read more...

Sexing It up in Shark Week

Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant

Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. The only time anyone is ever excited about a period is after a pregnancy scare. However, just because periods can ruin your underwear Read more...

Red Alert

Posted 6:08pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Menstruation is a complicated thing: the biology, the mess, the weird food cravings, the sexual urges, and, most of all, talking about it. Periods are like Superman – you never know who is hiding the suit under their clothes. They could strike anytime, anywhere. Before we continue, it needs to Read more...

Bloody Hell: 18 Students Share Their Best Period Stories

Posted 6:07pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Bleeding like a stuck pig for approximately 1/6th of our lives (which is around 15 years of solid bleeding, btw) isn’t an awful lot of fun. So just for a moment, let’s rejoice in, or recoil aghast at, these tales of menstrual treachery that our readers have so kindly Read more...

Dunedin’s Cheapest Alcohol: An Investigative Investigation

Posted 6:00pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Life on the student allowance is a constant struggle to balance those optional extras, like rent and food, with the essentials, like caffeine and alcohol. The ultimate goal in life is to get fucked up without fucking up your finances. You want to drink to forget your money troubles, not create new Read more...

The Capping Show Cult

Posted 11:01pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Jacob Houston

“You’ve just woken up, and you realise the world is in slow motion,” says the director. All right, I’ll play George Bush just doing his regular thing. That’s pretty funny. But I guess that’s been done before; maybe I should just make a character. Yeah, Read more...

Midwife Crisis

Posted 10:59pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Babies are the shitty, screaming, harbingers of shit that are one of the ‘perks’ of settling down and becoming an actual adult. Luckily most of us are not in Gore, so it’s not something we have to consider for at least a few more years. And even better, there’s a whole Read more...

The Mystery of The Disappearing Fuckboi or: The Narrow Escape In The Hyde Street Sex Attic

Posted 10:55pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic

OK boys and girls, ladies and gents, strap yourself in because boy do I have a story for you. I am a first-year health science student who has recently been freed from a messy relationship, and I’ve been looking to get back on the horse - so naturally I turned to Tinder. Armed with a witty Read more...

CROSSFAT

Posted 10:49pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I’m the first to admit it; I’ve gone incredibly soft and sedentary since high school. What used to be a capable and fit dancer’s body has slowly deteriorated into good hugs and heavy partying, usually accompanied by carb-laden food and quality banter, which is not actually a thing Read more...

The Critic Guide to the Shit Towns of Otago

Posted 6:56pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Roxburgh Has singing toilets, which are an extremely common thing in most reasonably-sized cities, but for some reason are considered a tourist attraction here. The Wikipedia page lists it as “one of the country's most important apple growing regions,” which is the only time Read more...

Journey to the Mystic Crystal Castle

Posted 6:49pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Alexander Woolrych

Mullumbimby, Australia is not famous for much, apart from Iggy Azaelea and substance abuse. But there is one curiosity which manages to attract visitors from around the world to this shithole town – the Crystal Castle.  The founder of the Crystal Castle, Naren King, celebrated the Read more...

Your Rough Guide to Student Exchange

Posted 6:35pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

It’s a cold, miserable night in Dunedin. My flatmate Alice and I are on our phones drinking rum. Occasionally we’ll look up to show each other a meme or pour another glass. It’s a simple, well-worn routine, like putting on sweatpants or drunkenly calling your ex. Out of the silence Read more...

The Best Drinking Games From Around The World

Posted 6:01pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Drinking is the most essential part of travelling – just ask anyone who has been on an OE. If their best story doesn’t involve them being blackout drunk in whatever country they inflicted themselves upon, they’re either lying or went to Carrington. So, a good magazine would do some Read more...

Inside Hyde Street

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Callum Doyle

On paper, Hyde Street is really dumb, right? Or is it just me? You pay for your ticket, you buy your shit costume from one of the five shitty stores which make all their money at this time of the year and you drink enough to convince yourself you had a great time. Who would be dumb enough to do Read more...

I Took Mushrooms and Went to a Concert, Because Journalism

Posted 8:15pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

If there’s one thing that Critic has taught me, it’s that you can do the dumbest shit you can think of, and if you write about it afterwards, it’s still technically journalism. Watch every Adam Sandler movie in a year? Journalism. Wear a fedora for seven days? Journalism. Fuck a Read more...

Game of Faculties

Posted 5:54pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Lachie Robertson

If HBO weren’t being massive cockteases and making us wait a whole extra year, the new season of Game of Thrones would be out by now. But it’s not and everyone is very sad about that. To ease the pain of not having any new episodes, we fired up the ol’ imagination and Read more...

Overworked, Underpaid, Undertrained: The Nightmare Lives of RAs

Posted 5:50pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

*All the names of the RAs in this article have been changed due to strict contracts forbidding RAs to speak to the media My parents may not be legally obligated to look after my drunk ass after age 18, but someone has to if I’m not going to end up dead in a ditch. Enter Residential Read more...

The Great Campus Toilet Review

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Thomas T. Crapper

Shitting is an activity that we must all undertake, sometimes with great urgency. As a person who much prefers to make deposits in the comfort of my own home, when I receive nature’s call on campus I can’t help but curse the gods for my grave misfortune. This is mostly due to the Read more...

How Dunedin Destroyed BYOs

Posted 8:20pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

BYO culture is sacred. You get the mates and the missus together, fuck around in New World trying to find the best dollar-per standard wine, and finally saunter through some dimly-lit, red-walled restaurant with your posse. There’s something about knocking back a few glasses – or bottles Read more...

The Great Critic Fish n Chip Review

Posted 10:17pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

Fish and chips are the ultimate feed for students. They’re cheap, they’re unhealthy, they don’t ask questions or judge your lifestyle choices. Critic have left no salty stone unturned in the noble quest to deduce the best fish and chips available to the good residents of North Read more...

Could Child Sex Dolls Reduce Sexual Assault? We spoke to a Pedophile who thinks so.

Posted 9:50pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Todd E. Nickerson could have the Tinder bio of your dreams. He’s a one-armed freelance artist and graphic designer who loves “art, movies, books, science, philosophy, cooking and daydreaming”. Todd is also a self-confessed “celibate/non-offending pedophile,” who says he Read more...

The Demise of the Student Pub

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I was 16 years old the first time I ever illegally set foot in a nightclub, and that night in 2001 would pinpoint the start of a love affair with Dunedin’s vibrant student pubs and clubs scene. Drunk on Bernadino and KGBs, my best friend and I concocted an incredible backstory of being Read more...

Talking Shit About The Exec For A Bit

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Every quarter the OUSA Executive submit reports about what they’ve been doing, which the exec then votes to approve. In order to get paid, they have to have their reports approved in full. This quarter’s reports were super boring so we had our subeditors pore through them and mark Read more...

Exploring the Dunedin Wildlife Hospital

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Josephine Devereux

Walking through the doors, a fishy, salty smell filled my nostrils. No, I wasn’t in the Unicol bathrooms; I’d just entered the new Dunedin Wildlife Hospital facilities. I was here to chat with the hospital’s volunteer coordinator Lauren about the hospital, last year’s Read more...

Scarfies: The Film That Gave Taika Waititi His Big Break

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Joel MacManus

An empty flat. A quarter of a million dollars worth of weed. A drug dealer that wants to kill you. And you’ve taken him hostage in your basement. What would you do? That was the question asked by Robert Sarkie’s 1999 film “Scarfies,” the movie that put Dunedin and its Read more...

I Wore a Fedora for a Week and It Changed Me

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Nick Baird

There comes a time in every young man’s life when he must choose who he wants to become. Will he be a shining beacon of success? A piece of shit? A wizened monk devoid of all worldly thirsts? A huge piece of shit? All options are on the table, but it’s hard to know which pool you should Read more...

Eat a Locust, Save a Cow

Posted 10:57pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Malcolm Diack loves animals. As we enter his suburban house in Caversham we’re greeted by a beautiful deaf Samoyed, two cats, and a tank of frogs. At his house Malcolm Diack also farms locusts for human consumption. The frogs are what got him into insect farming in the first place; he used Read more...

The Butt-Loving Generation

Posted 9:06pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Asses are trending. Belfies are flooding Instagram. Songs like “Anaconda” and “Wiggle” became viral sensations. Brazilian butt lifts increased by 53% in 2013, and women are flooding to the gym to squat their life away. Previously, asking “does this dress make my butt Read more...

Sexy Stitch-Ups : Twelve students reveal their most embarrassing sex stories

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Courtney “So I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for months and we finally met up. We hung out and I couldn't decide if I liked the text version or the live version better, so we met up a few more times. Cue the awkward ‘I'm very sober, I haven't had sex for a long Read more...

That One Time I Realised It Wasn’t Just a Bad Sex Experience, It Was Assault

Posted 8:59pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Laura Amy

Not long ago I was sitting down with a friend talking about exes and past flings, which led to sharing sex stories. “Okay,” I asked, “what was the worst sex you’ve had?” He told me about the time he was losing his virginity and the girl’s ex-boyfriend walked Read more...

“I Sold My Underwear Online and Used the Money to Buy Pokémon”

Posted 8:56pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Matilda* is your typical Instagram art hoe. Never seen without her kanken, her embroidered dungarees and Vincent van Gogh socks, we’ve all seen variations of her around campus. But behind the lens of her yellow Polaroid camera lies a more twisted version of reality. Matilda sold her used Read more...

Sleep Paralysis - it's fucking terrifying

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Maddie Grant

One night when I was 17, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t move my body. I’m talking about not even being able to open my fucking eyes. So I just lay there, thinking “FUCK FUCK FUCK Am I dead? Am I having a nightmare? Did I somehow break my neck and Read more...

Le Tour de Goon

Posted 6:11pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Callum Doyle

“Oh shit, watch out!” A cylcist with more confidence than ability had smashed into a girl, and she was lying down, unmoving. “Shit I’m going to be in an ODT article about dead students, aren’t I?” was my only thought as we rushed to her. Luckily, my fears were Read more...

Can Assuming Bogan Characteristics Enhance Performance While Surfing? A Scientific Expedition

Posted 6:02pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Sam Fraser-Baxter

Hello Zukeen magazine is a Dunedin-based arts and culture publication. It’s silly, sexy and stupid. It’s all about young people doing rad shit. If you enjoy any of the following, chances are you’ll enjoy Hello Zukeen: waves, cool noises, people riding things, art, exceptional Read more...

Ancient Greeks: We Disguised Ourselves as Freshers and Infiltrated the Toga Party.

Posted 6:16pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Erin Broughton

‘Otago’ is one letter and a tiny word scramble away from ‘Toga’. Taking this as a prophetic sign, we sent two Critic writers who are way too old for this shit to coat their baggy eyes with foundation, rip up some sheets, and brave the iconic event that is the Toga Read more...

69 Things You Absolutely Should Not Do At University

Posted 6:13pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Critic

Don’t do a ‘survey’ for a Christian group; they’re not researching anything, they just want to convert you. And there won’t be any sex. Don’t go to a ‘Landers game in any section but the Zoo: old people are terrible company. Unless they smell like Read more...

Chronicles of Castle: 7 Days of O-Week on NZ’s Biggest Party Street

Posted 6:10pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

As one of the two truly iconic party streets of North Dunedin, Castle is locked in a never ending tussle with Hyde to prove their status as the true home of O-Week. It’s hectic, as parties spill onto the street and combine into a frothing melee of noise, dancing and vomit. We sent a Read more...

Judith Collins: Critic Takes on the Crusher

Posted 4:30pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Joel MacManus

Judith Collins is a pit bull, with a no-nonsense attitude and a badass nickname to boot. ‘The Crusher’ is a moniker she originally picked up as Justice Minister for her policy of crushing boy racers’ cars, but soon came to represent her entire brand of politics. Among the Read more...

The Tindersurfer

Posted 4:28pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Tindersurfing: (noun) The act of travelling around the world while finding accommodation only through the app “Tinder”. For 25-year-old Belgian Anthony Botta, “every day is a date”. That’s the slogan of his YouTube channel, Zebotta Official, where he documents his Read more...

Inside Initiations, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Vom

Posted 4:26pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Joel MacManus

Initiations; along with rugby at the Zoo, blacking out at Hyde Street, and shamefully hustling a dubious conquest out of your flat, they’re one of North Dunedin’s most time honoured traditions. You gather up whoever is moving into your shitty flat next year, force a few drinks down Read more...

Ta Moko: The Tattoos of a Culture

Posted 12:17pm Sunday 8th October 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Arriving at the Moana Moko studio, I spied my friend Alan lying peacefully on a bed, as tohunga ta moko (tattooist) Stu McDonald worked steadily on Alan’s ta moko (Māori tattoo). The Moray Place studio was spacious and high-ceilinged, with wooden floors and pleasant roots music playing. I Read more...

What is behind New Zealand’s high suicide rate?

Posted 12:02pm Sunday 8th October 2017 by Zahra Shahtahmasebi

Content warning: contains discussion of suicide   Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed that the number of Read more...

Smile, You’re on Camera

Posted 11:51am Sunday 8th October 2017 by Jean Balchin

Imagine this: it’s early on a Sunday morning, and the sun is streaming in the window. It’s obnoxiously bright, and rouses you from your slumber; entangled up in a bed that isn’t yours. Who is that person snoring beside you? Where on earth are you? And why does your head hurt so Read more...

Extreme Haunted Houses

Posted 10:53am Saturday 30th September 2017 by Lucy Hunter

“People piss themselves, shit themselves,” says Rory Foley casually as he shows us through the empty prison. Foley delights in terrorising people, for charity. It’s a grim place to walk around. The Dunedin Prison was completed in 1896 and used for over a century until its Read more...

Scarfie in a Strange Land

Posted 10:41am Saturday 30th September 2017 by Isaac Yu

Time is a wheel. Being someone of Korean descent who represents New Zealand on the JET Programme (Japanese Exchange and Teaching meant to improve international relations), living in Japan is a surreal experience. On one hand, their ancestors conquered mine and instituted an oppressive police state Read more...

The History of Initiations at Otago University

Posted 12:33pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Joel MacManus

With the student ghetto, couch burning, broken bottles and the Hyde St party, it’s easy to villianise modern student behaviour. However, in contrast with their parents, grandparents, and greatgrandparents, students these days are angels. Joel Macmanus reports on the dangerous and disgusting Read more...

An A-Z of people that exist

Posted 11:46am Sunday 24th September 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Awkward Weed Dealer. “How’s it goin mate,” he greets you as he takes you down to the back room that he rents at his brother in law’s house. As you gaze around his room, your eyes are assaulted by the dusty collection of Jack Daniel’s and Jim Beam shot glasses and Read more...

Bang!

Posted 11:43am Sunday 24th September 2017 by Lucy Hunter

When did you last ask your mum about her sex life? Melody Thomas did it on national radio. Bang! is a Radio New Zealand podcast series on sex, sexuality and relationships. Real people tell real stories about their sex lives to producer Melody Thomas. Thomas loves audio storytelling. A lot of Read more...