Archive

The Cannabis Referendum: Why Young People Are Pro Legalisation

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Jackson Burgess

The cannabis referendum - which is taking place next month, simultaneously with the general election - is about more than just whether or not you want to blaze up with your mates.  On 19 September, every voter will choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the Cannabis Legalisation and Read more...

The Downfall of Drum and Bass: The Dunedin Musicians Who are Reinvigorating the Dunedin Sound

Posted 8:16pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

There are many sounds which come to mind when one thinks of Dunedin. The sound of students screaming at flat parties, the wrath of an evil seagull on the hunt for his perfect French fry, the shattering of glass bottles, the static of a lecturer’s microphone, and perhaps most infamously, the Read more...

How to Pretend You Know Basketball

Posted 8:14pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Anon

If an all-powerful alien entity approached Earth, and in a moment of mercy they allow us a chance to earn our intergalactic freedom via a game of our choice, that choice would undoubtedly be basketball. They’ve even made a fucking film about it, Space Jam, starring real aliens and the single Read more...

Why Go Dry?

Posted 12:31pm Sunday 9th August 2020 by Naomii Seah

“Drinking had taken a depressing toll on my mental health,” said Sushanth. It’s a familiar story. Drinking has become so normalised in Aotearoa that sinking a few beersies with the mates is often the default mode of socialising. Although there can be nothing wrong with Read more...

The Cheapest Drinks in the Octy: A Drunk Investigation

Posted 10:05pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Everyone knows the key to going into town is pre-loading. Without doing this, we would not only freeze to death, but be sober enough to realise that town is shit and we should be in bed. It’s also the cheapest option, and can be the best part of a night out. But regardless of how much you Read more...

Dunedin’s Pub Quizzes, Ranked

Posted 10:03pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Fox Meyer

Considering a cheeky quiz night? Here’s what to expect from your local pubs. Dunedin has enough pub quizzes to have something for everyone. From hardcore quizzes to pissups with a side of trivia, there’s plenty to be found. The scores I’ve given are just a personal rating, so Read more...

How to Pretend you know Rugby

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Anon

When I was a wee lad, we would jump in the car, head out to Grandad’s and watch rugby on his big telly. It was legendary. Yelling, jumping, Bluebird chips; from a young age I was hooked on the culture of this bizarre sport. As I got to uni, and started attending the Zoo (rest in paradise, Read more...

Ready, Set, Go: Red Cards in Dunedin

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

A red card is a sacred institution, a legacy bestowed to us from our ancestors. Much like oral sex, it’s a delight, but only if you know what you’re doing. There are rules you must follow - both as giver and receiver - to ensure that everyone has a good time. No one likes too much teeth, Read more...

Last Man Standing

Posted 1:18pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Fox Meyer

8 months, 2,800 kilometers and $25,000 in donations later, Otago alum Jono Hartland (of Scarfie Weather fame) is almost done with the Te Araroa trail. This man is walking the length of the entire country. Why? “At this point it’s about exposure - getting as many people to donate what Read more...

A Seat at Our Table

Posted 1:14pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Throughout my years at university, I have been relentlessly interrogated, ridiculed and challenged on one thing: my Māori heritage. Something which, despite it being no one else’s business, has been a consistent topic of conversation. A conversation which always leads to invasive Read more...

Wild Boi Pete Naik: Wildlife Photographer

Posted 7:59pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Fox Meyer

Pete Naik has only sent a dick pic to customers once, and you can see it on page 3. The road leading up to that moment started in Dunedin, and following an unconventional path, it also ended in Dunedin. The same day that he snapped the picture of that pink penis, NZ began to close its borders to Read more...

Ihumātao: A Year On

Posted 7:56pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

"Toitu te whenua, ake ake ake" we chanted. It’s July 26, 2019, and 300 people gathered in front of the Otago Museum reserve. We marched down the main street, collecting newcomers as we did. We circled around the Octagon. The Octagon is where marches usually end but, this time, we Read more...

Which Water Around Campus Is Tastiest?

Posted 7:53pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Critic

During a dusty darty one afternoon, I drank from the Leith river. It left me bedridden for a week with a fever and a cold sweat. Every flush of the toilet was literally flushing down what miniscule amounts of energy and happiness I had left. Student health diagnosed me with ‘ruining your Read more...

How to Celebrate Matariki and Simultaneously Fix Your Whole Life

Posted 1:22pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Matariki, or Puanga for some iwi, is the integral time in the Māori Lunar calendar when a cluster of nine stars become visible in our sky during Winter, signifying the New Year. This year, Matariki is observed from 13 – 20 July. Matariki was an important time for Māori ancestors Read more...

Horsin’ Around: Ketamine on Campus

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Asia Martusia King

In March, I got a Google invite from the University of Otago. 2pm – 4pm. KETAMINE. Ketamine is an anaesthetic, known for its usage on horses as a tranquilliser. It also gets you fucked up and therefore is illegal for recreational use. Ketamine can be found on campus, but only if you Read more...

Girls Who Game

Posted 1:13pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Naomii Seah

Women have hobbies. That seems like an obvious statement, but in some ways, it’s radical. Since the dawn of time, women have been persecuted for enjoying the same things that men enjoy—whether it’s comic books, certain TV shows, or gaming. For some unknown reason, the thought of Read more...

Ranking Our Childhood TV Presenters Based on How Much I Want to Fight Them

Posted 1:47am Friday 3rd July 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Children’s television in the early 2000’s was such a vibe. Whether it be waking up every Sunday to try call the What Now Telly-Op’s to get some free gunge, or trying to get your spot on Sticky Stars Duets; high quality shows like What Now, Sticky TV, Studio 2 and the Erin Simpson Read more...

Student Organisers on Black Lives Matter

Posted 1:24am Friday 3rd July 2020 by Naomii Seah

“People are here because they want to see change,” said TJ, one of the organizers of the Dunedin Black LivesMatter march on June 14. It was the beginning of level two. Hundreds of Dunedites flooded the streets, wearing masks and brandishing pickets. The crowd moved down George Street Read more...

Venues are Struggling, and We Should Care More About It

Posted 11:23pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Going to gigs is about more than live music. It includes a smorgasbord of various things that come together to form the gig experience: the other punters, the vibe, the IPAs available. The voyage that musicians have been on, from stage to livestream, has been reasonably well documented. But what Read more...

Radio One Deep Dive: Unapologetically Loud, Live and Local

Posted 10:30pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Sinead Gill

Sean Norling is the station manager at Radio One. If you’ve never met him in person, chances are you wouldn’t recognise him in passing. His vibe is lowkey. He doesn’t like his photo being taken. When Critic met him in his office, it was like he felt pained to be interviewed: Read more...

Māori Experiences In Aotearoa’s Music Industry

Posted 7:26pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Māori mainstream music had a breakthrough in 1984 with ‘Poi E’ by Patea Māori Club, reviving te reo Māori songs within a country that popularised little beforehand. Notably, Prince Tui Teka was another early Māori artist who performed songs in te reo Māori Read more...

How to Develop a Nicotine Addiction

Posted 1:06am Friday 15th May 2020 by Naomii Seah

When I was 18, I smoked my first cigarette. I was roaring drunk, on the balcony of an Auckland club, and I remember feeling so cool—rebellious, even. The morning after, however, I began to feel super guilty. My dad had smoked cigarettes his whole life, and he lost a kidney for it. I remember Read more...

Long Live the King

Posted 11:58pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Fox Meyer

According to over 150 Critic readers, these are the definitive King’s Cup rules for Otago students: 2: You, with 93.6%. Nominate a drink. 3: Me, with 93.6%.  You must drink. 4: Whores, with 61.8%.  People identifying as female must drink. 5: House Rules, with Read more...

Period Suppression: The Hidden Benefit of Contraception

Posted 4:19pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Naomii Seah

The first time I got my period, I was nine. I didn’t know what a period was, and I didn’t know why people were making such a huge deal out of it. It didn’t hurt much, it was just alarming. I was sure that it wasn’t normal to bleed out of your vagina, and I was sure adults Read more...

DIY Tampons: A Warning, Not A Guide

Posted 4:08pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

There is no worse feeling than when you get a surprise period. On the one hand, it’s cool because it means you’re not pregnant. On the other hand, you have to deal with blood leaking out of your uterus for a week or longer, and all the other hormonal side effects alongside it. Everyone Read more...

Students’ Paradise: Quirky, Character-Building Villa, Full of Fun Surprises

Posted 4:53pm Monday 11th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Betty is a Psychology major in her second year, living in a four bedroom villa in gorgeous North Dunedin. The 21-year-old welcomed Critic into her bespoke, contemporary home to showcase the best of Dunedin flatting.  The first thing you notice upon entering is the striking placement of the Read more...

DIY Flat Furniture

Posted 1:24pm Monday 11th May 2020 by Sinead Gill

Pallets and their younger brother, the beer crate, are God-tier DIY materials. You cannot fight me on this. This is a universal truth. Between pallets and beer crates you can make literally any kind of furniture known to man. For years, my bed base was four pallets slapped beside each other, no Read more...

The Great Critic Suburb Review

Posted 4:52pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

The journey from hall to flat is like from womb to breast; it involves sweat, tears, and a lot of involvement from your mother. But where to even start looking? Let’s say you hop onto TradeMe Property, ready to search - but what suburb do you pop into that little box? Consider looking beyond Read more...

Flat Hunting Tips

Posted 4:06pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Every year Critic tells freshers not to sign up for a flat in first semester. Every year, they fail to heed our advice. So, we thought, what the hell, let’s just roll with it. Although the global pandemic might have delayed flat hunts a bit, rest assured the season will soon be upon us in Read more...

Lime: A Year of Outlash, Antics, and Scooting

Posted 10:54am Wednesday 15th April 2020 by Wyatt Ryder

It’s been over one year since Lime hit the streets of Dunedin. Students rejoiced when the pavement was filled with the bright green toys on 10 January 2019.  Students wondered: do you ride in the cycle lane? On the street? On the pavement? Nobody knew, and nobody cared. Anarchy reigned Read more...

First Year Woes: Freshers in the face of Covid-19

Posted 12:35pm Thursday 9th April 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

It’s no secret that 2020 is shaping up to be a bit of a shit show for everyone thanks to our special friend ‘Rona. But in amongst the panic and chaos that has swept our university community, I feel there is one demographic which has been hit particularly hard by this event. The freshers. Read more...

Love in Lockdown

Posted 10:26am Wednesday 8th April 2020 by Naomii Seah

If you’re single as fuck, like me, the Covid-19 lockdown is a government mandated four week dry spell. Two weeks in, and I’m wanking with my left hand so I can pretend it’s someone else. I’ve named my sex toys (Buzz and Woody) and I’m taking increasingly long, hot Read more...

Sweet Dreams are Made of Cheese

Posted 3:55pm Monday 6th April 2020 by Phillip Plant

The pirate ship’s remains lay scattered on the beach. The pirate King, still breathing, is dripping with salt water, sweat, tears, and blood all over your lap, on which his head is laid. His exposed torse shines in the moonlight. “It’s just us now,” he says to you; his voice Read more...

Interior Design to Optimise Your Bedroom

Posted 3:15pm Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Currently, very few students have the luxury of sprawling their stuff into various living rooms or home offices. Many only have their bedrooms to work with. The following is a guide to optimise the space you have, and turn it into the versatile space that all students deserve. 1. Keep your study Read more...

Best Degrees to Ally With During the Apocalypse: Part Two

Posted 10:50am Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Fox Meyer

Alright, we’re back for more. Apparently I forgot a few degrees the first time around, so here’s the first expansion pack for Apocalypse Simulator 2020: Dunedin Edition. Same rules as last time. More options for your 5 flatmates. Eat up.   Offence:   Zoology: These Read more...

Best Degrees to Ally With During the Apocalypse

Posted 3:19pm Monday 30th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

You’re filling out your dream flat, but can only choose five flatmates. You don’t know how long this will last. It could be just four weeks. Or maybe society will break down, and these five people will be all you have in the post-covid hellscape. Choose Read more...

Anxiety 101

Posted 11:53am Thursday 26th March 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s hard not to feel anxious right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty about what’s going to come, not to mention stress about your family and the economy and well, it kind of just feels like the whole world is on fire right now. About a week ago I started having trouble sleeping. I Read more...

American Exodus

Posted 8:41pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

March 14th: Eight confirmed cases of Kiwi Covid. Jacinda Ardern announces that all overseas arrivals in New Zealand must self-isolate for 14 days. Hundreds of American students in New Zealand watch as their country descends into a toilet-paper wasteland. In Aotearoa, these students are mostly Read more...

Hospo Hell

Posted 6:42pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Getting a part-time hospitality job is like being a first year in a hall. Not all do it, but for most people it is an inevitable and expected part of the University experience. From the outside, casual waitressing, bartending, cleaning, and serving, all seem like perfect, simple side-hustles to our Read more...

Give Nothing to Racism: A Year On.

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

On 15 March 2019, a white supremacist terrorist walked into a mosque during Friday prayer and gunned down 51 innocent people, injuring 49 more. It was the kind of news that sent a whole nation into shock. Most people remember exactly where they were when they heard the news, and will remember for Read more...

What Pasifika Should Know When Going Into a Professional Degree

Posted 7:02pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s the start of their second year. Five Pasifika students made it through First Year Health Sci. Echoes down the corridor scream ‘yOu onLy gOt in bEcAuse yOu’rE brown.’ They laugh. You fool, you clown. Rat behaviour.   Apparently getting through First Year Read more...

Feast V.S. Famine

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

*Content warning; disordered eating, If you are in a college, chances are that you are being fed. A lot. Three meals a day plus snacks. Not all college food is created equal, but one thing is for sure, you aren’t going to starve. You, your scholarship or your parents are paying an average Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Getting Into Second Year Law*

Posted 6:53pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

This goes out to all you freshers who have decided to take it upon yourselves to enrol in first year Law.  You’re anxious. You aren’t entirely sure why you’re here or what your future holds. Did you decide to take Law because you and your inflated ego think you’re better Read more...

Dunedin’s Inglorious Holes

Posted 2:20pm Saturday 7th March 2020 by Allen D'Generate

Imagine, if you would, a time when a lonely gay couldn’t jump on Grindr to find a man to lock dick lips. No internet to waste uncountable hours whacking to Twitter porn, even before Tumblr took away our penises. How does one drain their hefty pent up frustration? The answer, many found, was to Read more...

Facing the Stigma: Emergency Contraceptive Pill

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

“I was so upset I almost forgot that I might be pregnant. I was expecting to be slut-shamed, but I wasn’t expecting to be racially profiled, and shamed for being a woman, a student, and a person.”  The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (ECP), known as Postinor-1 or, more Read more...

DIY Dildos

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Naughty Nadia and Sloppy Sarah

Let’s face it. Dildos are expensive, and StudyLink doesn’t cover all your needs. In the wake of the impending sex toy shortage, Critic has decided to review some the possible household items you’ll have lying around to make some DIY dilds. From household items, to the classic Read more...

1 Summer, 100 Wanks

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Anon

"Fuck, you are so tight," said my client as he lay face down on the massage table. He was trying to stick a finger into my butthole. It took all my might not to burst out laughing. I thought to myself ‘…does this man think he is touching my vagina right now? Does he seriously Read more...

Saving Fresher Lives With Are You OK

Posted 1:57am Friday 28th February 2020 by Bonnie Harrison

He’s too drunk. His legs have collapsed beneath him, so there is someone supporting either of his shoulders – that’s two. His head is lolling back, so a third person holds it up and grips a mask to his mouth, from which a plastic sac drops down to collect his thin, watery vomit. Read more...

The Great Annual Flo and O Week Party Review

Posted 1:56am Friday 28th February 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

The two-week self-induced bender, also known as Flo and O week is a time of awakening, connection and chlamydia. The second years shed their fresher selves, the third years prepare for their final send, and the fourth years aren’t there because they’re too old and depressed. And the Read more...

Ranking 6 European Cities Based on their Laxatives

Posted 7:05pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Fox Meyer

For this very important and very specific list, I’ve consulted an expert. Poopie*, an American exchange student, has been struggling with chronic constipation for four years now. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, but she’s carrying around a baby’s weight of shit, and Read more...