Archive

EDITORIAL: We’re About to Have the First Māori OUSA President in 22 Years, and That’s a Huge Deal

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 27th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

Otago students are never going to have a student executive that is fully representative of all of their interests. This is ultimately because representative democracy is, for the most part, a sham. Politicians are always going to be promising things that they can’t deliver because, at the end Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

Today my Co-Star told me “you were born to make history”, and that really stuck with me. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the pressure my Co-Star bestowed on me. How am I, a loser from Dunedin, going to make any sort of emblematic change to our historical narrative? The pressure seems Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Cruise Club Daddy

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

When the Critic asked us to spill our most scandalous sexcapades I didnt know where to start. I still don’t. So many stories, so little words. Do I start with the 3-way in a sauna which ended with more than sweat dripping down my body, or the 12-man orgy in which I could only make out the Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Breakfast Burrito: the Best Hangover Food of Your Life

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hangovers are tricky. Once you get past the nausea, the shitting and the headaches, rapid hunger sets in. Whilst Macca’s and KFC are iconic options, I really, really don’t want to leave my house, even in a car (and no I don’t want to pay $20 on UberEats for a $3 cheeseburger). So, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Tiger

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Tiger while watching Cindy and Judy slog it out at the leaders debate on Tuesday. The debate was dull, but the combination of Tigers and talking shit about both major parties made for a great night. Because of the marketing of the drink, I envisioned the origins of Tiger as a Read more...

Booze Reviews | Yeah the Boys Lager

Posted 4:41pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Yeah The Boys lager on a Wednesday evening over a chill game of cards that quickly escalated into an intense game of bullshit. The beer itself is alright, but it’s a bit pricey and nothing to rave about. The marketing of the drink is a different matter. The packaging contains a Read more...

Editorial: Why Aren’t You Voting Yes?

Posted 4:37pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

CW: Addiction When you vote in the cannabis referendum, you should vote yes. Not just for yourself, but for your family or friends who use it, whether or not you know that they do. Vote yes so that the people who already use cannabis - medically or recreationally - don’t have their lives Read more...

Vape Review | Bogan Brews Coorong Cola

Posted 9:37pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

Okay, here’s a question for you: what the fuck does ‘cola’ taste like? No seriously, if you had to explain to someone what cola tasted like without saying cola, how do you describe it? Does it even have its own tasting notes? Every time I drink something cola flavoured, all I can Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Stir-Fry: Impossible to Fuck up

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Assignment time is upon us, my sweets, and what we all need is a salty, quick meal to sustain the study grind. Stir-fries are the ultimate student delicacy. It’s cheap, quick and easy, just like me. It’s the perfect meal to clean your fridge out of all the random bits about to go off and Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | It's Always the Hot Ones

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

It all started during lockdown, ya know when your girl was bored, lonely and especially horny... I was desperate and re-downloaded tinder and started swiping right on everyone, which I must admit was a marginal move from myself.  Anyway, the weeks dragged on throughout lockdown and I Read more...

Editorial | Let Students Vote On A Day Without Exams

Posted 3:53pm Sunday 13th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

None of this is a hot take: Once you’re at the ballot box, all you have to do is tick a couple of times. Once for the person you think would best represent Dunedin, another for which party you think would best make decisions for the country, and then either a ‘yes’ or Read more...

Vape Review | Sadboy E-Liquid Butter Cookie

Posted 10:26pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Honestly, the biggest cultural reset occurred in 2013 when Yung Lean dropped the videos for his two singles, ‘oreomilkshake’ and ‘Ginseng Strip 2002’. This fucking kid comes onto the scene, bucket hat and all, and drops the chillest of trap beats. His videos were surrounded Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Team Rawdog, right, babe?

Posted 10:23pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Met a guy on tinder. Really witty, messaged me with more than a hey and I was hooked.  After 6 months of feeling like an incel, all I needed was a root and boot. Quickly organised drinks, knowing that ya girl is a loose goose on the piss. The night rolls around, and I get picked up by this guy Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Takakau Paraoa (Flat Bread) and Motumotu (Doughboys)

Posted 10:20pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s Spring time, and that means it’s time for bread. That’s a lie - it’s always time for bread. When it comes to Māori bread, the first thing that may come to people’s minds is fry bread or rēwena bread, but most of the time, takakau bread goes unnoticed. Read more...

Baltika-9

Posted 10:15pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Chug Norris

While the name is more suitable for an abandoned Soviet nuclear facility than a beverage, it turns out Baltika-9 is also more suitable as a life lesson than as something to drink. After lugging the enormous 900mL can to the top of Queen St and drinking its contents, I found myself regretting the Read more...

Editorial | Getting an Abortion is Actually Super Chill

Posted 1:45pm Sunday 6th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

To me, joking about getting pregnant and raising a child is the peak of comedy. For 99% of my life I had decided I never wanted children. Throw polycystic ovarian syndrome into the mix - a common symptom of which is infertility - and you have a recipe for a woman who shouldn’t haphazardly take Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Sour Blackberry

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

I have a confession to make, I cannot handle any sort of non-bland food. I mean, it’s not really that surprising - I’m white as fuck. Growing up, the most adventurous our dinners would get would be when mum made devilled sausages instead of spag bol. My palette has suffered tremendously Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | All in the TL;DR

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

TL:DR = I got fucked bent over the sink of some random castle street flat after Agnew street. I'm sorry. Picture this, it's Agnew St party 2019 (rip), and I was pretty drunk at about 1pm, my rugby girl costume is soaked and absolutely covered in mud, I'm getting ready to leave with my Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Back to Basics

Posted 9:39pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you need to go back to the basics before you can graduate from mince on toast flat meals. Cooking can nourish you, surprise you, but also sometimes really fuck you over. There’s nothing worse than mushy rice, burnt pasta or boring eggs. It’s time to acknowledge the shit, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Seltzers

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

I don't know how to say that I unironically love this beverage without sounding like a shill. But, as Tui prepares to launch a similar product, you can tell that when shit commercial beers start adopting a more femme trend, there’s something good afoot. Seltzers are owned by an Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Finale

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Fuck me, it’s the end of the Bachelor. After weeks of awkward small-talk there are only two girls left standing. Who will win between Amelia and Amanda? The final saga of the Bachelor contains drama, scandal and the kind of fuckery usually only reserved for those who cut the Pint Night line. Read more...

Editorial: South Dunedin Has the Superior Fatty Lane

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

I think it’s safe to say that except for trips to Pak’nSave or the Warehouse (RIP Kmart), most students who travel south-er than the Octy only do so to surf or get a coffee on the Esplanade and wish that they surf. This whole mag this week is full of reasons why you should visit South Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Berries

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime, but I have never felt more devastated than when they stopped selling fruit roll-ups at the supermarket. Those sheets of artificial fruit plastic were outstanding. I remember going to Pak’nSave and begging my mum to buy a packet after getting the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | What's a 'Slippery Gecko?'

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

So there I was, a high achiever in my hall, having just been presented a certificate proudly showing my theatrical abilities. It was the first ‘proper’ award I’d ever won and my god was it sitting on my desk proudly. Had my name engraved in the trophy and everything, but that Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Bao Buns: Fluffy, Tender and Flavourful

Posted 8:03pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hosted by Caroline Moratti and Alice Jones, along with Pippa Bao buns are tender morsels of savoury delight. Quite frankly, you deserve one. Or several. The umami of the beef and hoisin sauce is rich and salty and pairs wonderfully with the delicate bao. The only comparison I can think of is that Read more...

Booze Reviews | Export 33

Posted 8:01pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Switching from Export Gold to Export 33 is like switching from Maccas to Subway, except instead of getting arrested for being a pedophile you just become an annoying elitist prick. I honestly have no idea if there are real health benefits in 33, but they do move you at least three social classes Read more...

EDITORIAL: Landlord Doxes Tenants and Critic Staff

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 16th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content Warning: Offensive language, racism, sexism, homophobia, death threats(?) A Facebook account - which commenters believe is a fake name that landlord Karen Brown is using to hide her identity - is using social media to dox their tenants and Critic staff. At worst this is hurtful but Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Mandarin Harvest

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

Okay, I have a serious question. Why do all vape stores always have that certain look to them? You know the one, of a small minimalist room comprised of products in glass casing, a lot of empty space, and usually just one dude ripping the phattest fucking cloud behind the computer. It makes me feel Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Draw Me Like One of Your Clichés

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

It was a warm January evening pre-COVID of course, I was alone in my flat midway through the summer school slog once again aimlessly scrolling Tinder looking for a respite from my sweaty boredom. Breathers aren’t really my style, so I was on the hunt for a sexy traveller to fill a few evenings Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Cinnamon Scrolls

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Winter is nearly over, and you’re running out of excuses to stay inside all day and bake. Cinnamon scrolls are a brilliant afternoon bite, and the heated leftovers make for a dreamy, idyllic breakfast. The perfect cinnamon scroll is all about generosity - of size, filling and melted butter - Read more...

Booze Reviews | Speight's Cider

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Speight's has done so many things to make me the person I am today. It's the best beer I’ve ever been able to afford, it makes me think I’m manly, and it has alcohol in it. As a matter of fact, I base my entire personality on loving Speight's. It's not as tragic as you Read more...

EDITORIAL: Things I Heisted from OUSA President Jack Manning’s Office

Posted 12:58pm Sunday 9th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

OUSA President Jack Manning is a very trusting man. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he often keeps his office unattended with the door wide open. Often when he does this, it’s because he is in a nearby office or - more likely - in the Critic office being negged by our culture editor Read more...

Vape Review: Fresh Farms Strawberry Farm Cake

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Critic

How good was Strawberry Shortcake? She was an icon. The look, her attitude about life, a close group of friends to cause hijinks with, she was everything I wanted to be. I remember growing up, you could buy these Strawberry Shortcake dolls that smelt like strawberries. I was always so mad that real Read more...

Booze Reviews | Pals

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

Pals offers three gentle RTDs. They’re unoffensive, decently strong, and come in pretty colors, just like the Powerpuff Girls and, just like the Powerpuff Girls, they’re what I’d give my children to play with. They’ve got fruit in them! That’s pretty good parenting in Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Taste of Medicine

Posted 9:44pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

It was a cool autumn day. We were in level-2 and my balls were blue. The COVID-19 lockdown had restrained me, but now I was free.  A girl messaged me on Instagram. I vaguely knew her from a martial arts group. She asked if I wanted to get a drink. I don’t drink, but I accepted Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Sole Food: Fresh fish, beetroot salad and kumara mash.

Posted 9:40pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s beetroot season baby and with great power comes great responsibility. These bad boys are practically gagging to be pickled, candied and served fresh. The delicateness of the fish nestles into the warm, creamy kumara mash, but the punchy, vibrant beetroot salad takes this dish to a whole Read more...

The Bachelor: The One-On-Ones

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

The coffee date is a staple of Dunedin socialisation: from the Radio 1 kids at Kiki Beware, to the stressed socialites at RDC, it’s a chance for everyone to find love. We sent Jack and his remaining lucky ladies on three separate dates to enjoy the intimate corners of Dispensary and the Staff Read more...

Vape Review | Fresh Pressed Salts - Fruit Finale

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Critic

I know I’ve previously talked about how much I hate ambiguous vape flavours, but Fruit Finale is truly something else. It sounds so ominous and mysterious. I’ve reached the end of my vaping journey and have to battle against the big dog himself. This then leaves the question of which Read more...

Booze Reviews | Villa Maria

Posted 8:19pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Craft brewers are doing more and more weird shit these days. Every day in Wellington some hipster finds some new crap to put in a beer that makes it taste terrible, so they can call it a 'sour' and convince other punishing hipsters to waste money on it. Apparently, some craft brewers Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Jazzed Up Ramen: Spicy, Crunchy Pork Noodles.

Posted 8:16pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

I have a confession to make. For weeks now, I have been searching for The Perfect Dish. Something spicy, salty, fresh and, above all, interesting. My God, the hunt has been long. After consuming campus sushi daily, I turned to this week's Bone Apple Teeth forlorn, having barely touched a stove Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Group Dates

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

This week, group dates are on the agenda. Can Jack find love, even in a crowded room? On Monday afternoon, Sophie and Amelia met Jack for a romantic rendezvous through the Otago Museum. Critic had intended the group to take in the iconic sights of the Animal Attic (specifically the rat king) but Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Accidental Cougar

Posted 8:06pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Critic

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years after he cheated on me and naturally, I was feeling pretty horny. I went into Suburbia because I had to take a shit and it had the shortest line. I figured while I was inside I may as well do some dancing. I found the tallest man in the room Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Bust a Fat Chuck

Posted 2:44pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Critic

So I had been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks and we had been really hitting it off and had already hooked up a few times. One Saturday night I was at a party and I invited him to come over, we spent the rest of the night together drinking and chatting. Eventually, I suggested going back Read more...

The Bachelor: First Date and Eliminations

Posted 1:05pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s 5:30pm on a Wednesday and the first Bachelor group date is about to begin. Jack describes himself as “nervous, but excited”, laughing as he brushes his hand through his hair. He’s dressed in a form-fitting navy blazer and a crisp, oatmeal shirt. The girls’ profiles Read more...

Vape Review | PachaMama Salts Fuji

Posted 1:02pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Critic

There’s nothing worse than a vape flavour that is morally ambiguous. In the name of the juice, you gotta tell us what the flavour is. How else are we meant to know what’s going into our lungs? While the PachaMama salts says that it's made from “the most desirable fruits on Read more...

Booze Reviews | Carlsberg

Posted 12:45pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

They say the Devil's greatest trick was to brew shit beer and put it in green bottles, then charge waaaaay too much for it. This trick has led to the rise of awful beers like Stella and Heineken. This simply cannot do, so I went searching for the impossible. I went looking for a good tasting Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Vegan Pumpkin Ravioli: Self-care meets pasta

Posted 12:41pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With guest chef Pippa. There’s something about homemade pasta that reminds you of why life is worth living. In the words of the classic ‘90s movie You’ve Got Mail, “It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew Read more...

EDITORIAL: Sims 4 Eco Lifestyle has made me a Better Person

Posted 1:33pm Sunday 19th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

You are completely within your right to judge me for this, but I am not the SJW you might think I am. I have normie flaws. I don’t put cardboard in the compost bin when I compost. I forget my New World shopping bags every single time I go to the store. I’m really bad for throwing dirty Read more...

The Bachelorettes

Posted 1:11pm Sunday 19th July 2020 by Critic

Meet the girls vying for Jack Manning’s affections. Critic sent them to an OUSA meeting to check out the man in action, and get their first impression of the smouldering President.   Sophie I’m a third-year student majoring in Gender Studies and Minoring in Theatre. I am Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Lemon Muffins: Post-Flu Delights

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With guest baker Islay  This week’s recipe was born out of the fact that our flat is overflowing with lemons. Overrun to the point of insanity. Everyone’s been fucking sick and we were trying to heal ourselves, the only way we know how, through obscene consumption of hot lemon Read more...