Archive

WHO SHAT ON THE TABLE

Posted 11:26pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Owen Clarke

Read the mystery here     At that moment, Kyle opens the door. He sniffs, then looks at the table, then at you. “What the fuck?” he says. “That’s exactly what I said,” you say. “But I wasn’t here. It wasn’t me. It was one of Read more...

The Shittiest Study Session

Posted 11:25pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Owen Clarke

It’s a rainy Saturday evening in Dunedin. You took five too many nangs last night, forgot there was a hole in the butt pocket of your jeans and, as a result, lost your car keys. You’ve also been ghosted by your last five Tinder matches, three of whom have unmatched you altogether. In Read more...

Students To Watch: Anna Clark

Posted 11:16pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

There was never doubt in Anna Clark’s mind about where she was going to head in life. When she was 15, she knew she wanted to do genetics and from the age of four, knew she’d love to work with animals. Studying Genetics and Zoology in undergrad, Anna has combined two lifelong passions Read more...

Students to Watch – Nathan Hollows of Nugget Watch

Posted 9:19pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Phillip Plant

At first glance, Nathan Hollows appears to be just your average CompSci student, but underneath his mild mannered exterior lies the enterprising soul of an entrepreneur. Nathan’s main creation is a website called “Nugget Watch,” which is “dedicated to your hearts deepest Read more...

Sincere Shitposting: The Meme Pages Fundraising for Mental Health

Posted 8:56pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Lad shitposting is a delicate art form. In the past year or so a renaissance of sorts has risen through the weeds of Facebook algorithms. They love all things beer, caps, DnB, and are typically your average breathas. I mean, shit, some pages even have more likes than Critic Booze Reviews. Lad Read more...

I tried to rip bongs through household ingedients: A heartwarming tale of overcoming oppression

Posted 1:02am Friday 13th September 2019 by Anonymous Bird

Why are we still exclusively ripping bongs through water when there’s a whole world of exotic bong rips out there. Here’re some of the hottest new bong trends for when you feel like spicing your life up:   Day 1: Mandarin Slices in syrup, $1.30 from Countdown. Difficulty: Read more...

A Line About Lines

Posted 12:38am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

We asked students to share their best or worst experiences on drugs in ten words or less.   “So drunk, I cummed while completely soft” “Inhaled Diethyl Ether, convinced I was a garage door opener” “Made grilled cheese but with butter instead of Read more...

Students to Watch: Ben Paanakker and Flynn Robson, aka Breatha Science

Posted 12:22am Friday 13th September 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“Vaccinate your kids, be aware of hidden water, global warming is not a myth, and fuck Donald Trump.” These are the mottos of local students Ben Paanakker and Flynn Robson. Ben and Flynn seem like the average breatha. Living on Queen, loving a cheeky Wednesday night appearance at Pint Read more...

Get Your Own: An ADHD Opinion on Study Drugs

Posted 11:52pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

I was 15 when I got my first Ritalin prescription and it changed my life. My grades improved, my relationships improved and I didn’t get comments on my report saying “needs to talk less in class”. ADHD is a chronic disorder that generally involves hyperactivity, inattentiveness, Read more...

Students to Watch | Te Hau Ariki Gardiner-Toi and Karamea Pewhairangi

Posted 1:03am Friday 6th September 2019 by Sinead Gill

For Te Hau and Karamea, every week is Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. As far as any officially themed week goes, though, Māori language week is this week, and you’ll see a bunch of institutions making an effort to include te reo in their social media posts and the likes.  But on top Read more...

In order to heal

Posted 11:59pm Thursday 5th September 2019 by Māori Mermaid

In order to heal We do it together.   I let you thread the stitches into my skin A perfect weave of earth and wind, We bathe each other several times a week, Then plant our antibiotics deep And gently bandage our backs with dirt, We wash our wounds, expel some Read more...

Te Huinga Tauira

Posted 11:55pm Thursday 5th September 2019 by Taylor Terekia

Whakatau mai rā e te huinga tauira, e te huinga tāngata ki tōku whare wānanga e! Nau mai rā e ngā mana, e ngā waka ki te tumu herenga waka, ki Te Tumu ki Ōtākou. Nō mātou o Te Roopū Māori te maringanui ki te whakahaere i Te Huinga Read more...

An Interview with Ant Timpson, Director of Come to Daddy

Posted 11:11pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

At 57, veteran New Zealand film maker Ant Timpson has made his directorial debut with his film Come To Daddy - a hybrid of a thriller and dark comedy. Timpson started in the film industry writing and sending letters to various film production companies, trying to help any way he could. “We Read more...

Students to Watch | James Fletcher

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“Even the most confident and socially accepted people have negative thoughts. It’s just part of life. I think that being aware that these things can come and go like the tide is important in maintaining a healthy mind.” James Fletcher is a 22-year-old Law and Commerce student. Read more...

Students to Watch | Eva Cambourn

Posted 9:34pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“We want to encourage people to do the right thing and just do what they can. If we can keep that momentum going, keep that fire burning, we feel like we might be able to point humanity in the right direction.” At only 24, Eva Cambourn works as the director and designer of her own Read more...

I Am The Girl

Posted 9:30pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Theodora Morris

I am the girl who never called the police Never said a word didn’t cry didn’t scream A good little girl taught to keep the peace, Told staying silent was best for me Society made sure my tongue stayed tied Just stay silent, run and hide. Who would believe what I had to Read more...

Best Dressed Couple On Campus

Posted 9:14pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

The gay paradise ducks that hang out on Union Lawn (fuck the heterosexual paradise ducks that live by the Leith) are inspirational. These good boys love to waddle around the food trucks, eat grass, and serve luuks. After months trying to book an interview, Samuel L Quackson and Quackie Chan sat down Read more...

The Tree that Smells Like Cum

Posted 9:00pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Nina Minogue

There are two things I’ve learnt in this life. One, that some things demand to be felt and two, that some things demand to be smelt. Dunedin has a tree that smells like cum. Officially called Pyrus calleryana, this Cum Tree is a species of pear tree native to China and Vietnam. There might Read more...

OPINION: Let a Man Walk Through Uni in Cowboy Boots and a Tank Top in Peace

Posted 8:59pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Oscar German

Whether it be a pair of cowboy boots or a shirt with seven sleeves (a tad excessive possibly), since I started uni I have gradually descended further and further into the black hole of fashion. At this point, the more outlandish the better. Now some might label this as ‘a cry for Read more...

Why We Wear Black

Posted 8:54pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: Sexual violence   Thursdays in Black is an international campaign against sexual violence and standing up for survivors of sexual violence, whose stories are often swept under the rug because of shitty social conventions against talking about awful or awkward things. The Read more...

Students to Watch – Thibaut Espirit

Posted 5:07pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“Growing up in New Caledonia, I did not have any sex education, and no safe queer spaces for my young questioning self. I really wanted to be able to provide something I wish I had back in the days.” Thibaut (Tee) Espirit is originally from New Caledonia, which he describes as “a Read more...

Nightmare at the Museum: a Comprehensive Guide of Items to Heist at Otago Museum

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

When I was a kid, I was terrified of the Otago Museum; the giant Moa that used to light up and make noises whenever you’d walk past or donate to it, the scary rotting taxidermy animal faces in Animal Attic, the dude covered in Puffer Fish skin, and even just the general dimly lit aura used to Read more...

Bring the Noise

Posted 4:59pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

OUSA’s annual ‘Battle of the Bands’ competition is back and fresher than ever. Channelling their inner Public Enemy, the Bring The Noise competition is being hosted over three weeks, showcasing the best local musical talent we have to offer. Thirteen acts will compete, but only one Read more...

Students to Watch | Georgie Northcoat

Posted 8:29pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Nina Minogue

Georgie Northcoat is a third-year Bachelor of Applied Sciences Student. Majoring in Marketing and Clothing and Textile Sciences she’s also working part-time as a media analyst at Meltwater, doing research for F&P, working on start-up initiatives in the Dunedin community to reduce waste, Read more...

Mia Jay: What It’s Like to Build Your Own EP

Posted 8:27pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Erin Gourley

Mia Jay is a singer-songwriter and student. This year, as well as playing gigs around Dunedin and studying a full-time double degree in Music and Commerce, she independently released her first EP. No label or funding or manager; just her songs, her band, and a studio in Port Chalmers. Plus a Read more...

Bike Grylls: The Otago Student Who Biked to Auckland

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

In the Summer of 2017, Jules Laking left Dunedin with nothing but some basic survival gear and his bicycle. After a year of disappointing grades and dissatisfying living habits, Jules had two things he had to do: he had to disconnect from the sterile state of city living and he had to be back in Read more...

Feel the Spray with Dunedin’s Local Pesticide Enthusiasts: Flyspray

Posted 4:32am Friday 26th July 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

What does a vape store retail manager, bean soup merchant, and bouncy castle coordinator all have in common? They all share being local pesticide enthusiasts and members of the self-described “conspiracy punk safe kids” band Flyspray. Comprised of Jack Doublet on lead vocals and guitar, Read more...

Tally Ho! Voyaging Through the New Dunedin Sound

Posted 4:31am Friday 26th July 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

Critic interrogates drunk students in the line for Pint Night with pretentious questions about the Dunedin Sound because we’re not like other boys and Pint Night is a bit shit.   What is your favourite Dunedin Sound band? “Albion Abbey is pretty good” “Hold Read more...

Student to Watch: Katie Willis

Posted 3:50am Friday 26th July 2019 by Sinead Gill

Katie Willis’s life has been one big creative journey. She began creating and selling original prints, when she left highschool and began a degree in Communication Design at Otago Polytech with a focus on graphic design. An elective paper in her second year required her to create a product to Read more...

Harlene Hayne's Salary

Posted 12:57am Friday 26th July 2019 by Critic

1. 196,969 x 5 pack noodles 2. 2167 ounces of marijuana 3. 20,312 boxes of Billy Mavs 4. 4,333,333 minutes on a Lime scooter 5. 325,000 McDonalds cheeseburgers 6. 503,875 Bic pens 7. 34,228 boxes of Durex classic condoms 8. 520,000 boxes of Space Man Candy Sticks 9. 144,444 Read more...

Pretty Fly For A WiFi

Posted 6:05pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by Sinead Gill

It’s that time of the year where your landlord (while simultaneously ignoring your texts about the broken freezer and mould) asks you if you want to sign on for 2020. But how do you know if you should stay in your shithole flat, or risk it all for greener pastures? Surely not with this guide. Read more...

Critic Reviews More Drum and Bass

Posted 3:25am Friday 19th July 2019 by Alex MacKygee

Sachi (NZ) 10 July, Union Hall Sachi, named for that noise where you try and say ‘sup’ but end up sneezing, are an Auckland-based duo who have mastered melding groovy synth melodies with upbeat vocals. Possibly not the right concert for someone as old as me, which was a feeling Read more...

Students to Watch: Meg Goodman

Posted 1:53am Friday 19th July 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

Meg Goodman started baking around the same time she started to walk. In high school she was nicknamed ‘Cake Girl’, and she had queues of people eager for birthday cakes. Now she’s started her own business where she can put her skills towards good causes. Goodman Goodies has Read more...

A Meaningful Interview With Meaningful Confessions

Posted 11:34pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“What does my super religious girlfriend and medicine have in common? I don't think I'll ever get in either of them,” is one of the latest confessions received by UoO: Meaningful Confessions. With over 17,000 likes on Facebook, the page was set up for students to anonymously Read more...

Students to Watch: Laura Anderson

Posted 11:30pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Laura Anderson found her passion in the most unusual of places, a university paper. While most of us slouch in the back of lectures on Facebook, or are even lucky if we attend the damn thing in the first place, Laura was busy listening and learning. Her 200-level politics paper about political Read more...

Students to Watch: Jess Thompson

Posted 11:39pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

“What’s in the blood? What’s in a name? A whenua split for Pākehā gain, a bone or a skull for museums to claim, continue to sing past abuse and the blame, we have to create to stay sane,” the Māori Mermaid sings. Jessica Thompson is an English and Art History Read more...

Which Dunedin Student Archetype Are You?

Posted 11:21pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Critic

Breatha Probably called Josh, Luke or Tom A feen for the sesh Has four true loves: gear, D&B, piss, and the boys. Doesn’t fear God   ‘Alty’ Owns at least one pair of Nom*D socks Spotted at either Kiki Beware, Aika, or RdC “What gigs are on Read more...

Bespoke Quotes from Soaked Oats

Posted 11:19pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Fox Meyer

When Oscar was a kid, he bumped ‘90s hip-hop. He ran on the sidewalks of St. Albans in Christchurch. Now, he’s in a band with three of his mates. You might’ve heard of them - Soaked Oats. Soaked Oats are the brains behind songs like “Avocado Aficionado” and Read more...

I Fucked a Fleshlight and it Was the Most Depressing 34 Minutes of My Life

Posted 6:25pm Thursday 13th June 2019 by Critic

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not out here trying to act like I’m some stud. A cute girl looks at my dick and it’ll go off like Mentos in a Coke bottle. But damn… this Fleshlight is. Not. The. Move. I’m a tried and true five finger veteran (at least 10 years of Read more...

A conversation with Tracey Crampton Smith, Otago’s Pagan chaplain

Posted 11:34pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Erin Gourley

Organised religion is fine, but you have to admit it’s clingy. There’s a lot of reading, a church with real walls (as opposed to a circle of salt on the ground), and convoluted hierarchies of people who tell you what to think. In contrast, Tracey Crampton Smith is the Read more...

Students to Watch | Aidan Barbour-Ryan

Posted 8:45pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Nina Minogue

In June last year, Aidan Barbour-Ryan set himself a personal challenge to run every day for a year. One month in, the 21-year-old marketing student decided that his challenge could benefit more people than just himself. Aidan decided that he would raise money to increase mental health and suicide Read more...

A Satanic Solution

Posted 7:16pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Owen Clarke

Click here for the mystery   “Chad, you son of a bitch!” you yell. “You said your vape had melon flavor, didn’t you? You worship the Great Melon King!” “Yeah that’s right, loser,” says Chad. “Melon’s my favorite flavor Read more...

Fish and Chips and Feminism with Clementine Ford

Posted 11:41pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Erin Gourley

Clementine Ford is cool. During our Sunday afternoon interview, the feminist writer ordered fish and chips, gave me all of the chips, and offered me wine twice.  We launch right into rape culture on university campuses. “It’s always existed and people will try as hard as they can Read more...

Students to Watch | Adam Currie

Posted 11:40pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

Creating change and empowering others to do the same has been a key theme in Adam Currie’s life. Growing up in Nelson passionate about environmental issues, Adam moved to Dunedin for university. While also studying a mixture of politics and art, he is busy working as the co-convenor for Read more...

Flameboi: the Legend, the Lie

Posted 11:36pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Nina Minogue

Hailed as New Zealander of the Year by Critic Booze Reviews, Flameboi rose to fame through spending $1,000 of his course-related costs on Flame beer. I caught up with the man, the myth, the legend himself, only to discover that his story was in fact an elaborate ploy. A Flameploi by Flameboi, if you Read more...

Dusty Dunedin Delicacies: Critic’s Guide to Hangover Food

Posted 11:34pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

Saturday night was wild. Kick ons went hard, but your mate’s party went harder. The night was fuzzy, but judging by the amount of seedy “up2 x” messages you sent and lack of cards in your wallet – it must’ve been a good night. You wake up on Sunday with a light amount Read more...

Critic Reviews Drum and Bass Gigs That Are Yet to Happen

Posted 1:27am Friday 10th May 2019 by Alex MacKygee

Christchurch and Dunedin have two intense rivalries dominated by sweaty men: that sports one, and then the one for the title of New Zealand’s Drum and Bass Capital. While nothing will quite match the vibe from hooning down the Four Avenues at 130kph (as I pour one out for FUSION Car Audio), Read more...

Students to Watch – Andrew Rudolph

Posted 12:29am Friday 10th May 2019 by Sinead Gill

Andrew Rudolph has done a lot in his time. After working in hospitality, banking, radio and human resources, he is now a third year Social Work student here at Otago. Alongside his studies, Andrew is also the secretary of the Dunedin Multi-Ethnic Council, the treasurer of Students Against Sexual Read more...

Can we all just admit that the Selwyn Ballet sucks?

Posted 8:51pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Joel MacManus

At the 2019 Capping Show, the Selwyn Ballet will take to the stage for its 91st year. This year’s troupe got a warm-up on a big stage, performing for Forsyth Barr Stadium at the Highlanders game last week. The Selwyn Ballet is a large group of first year boys wearing tutus and excessive Read more...

Whatever Happened to Dane Rumble?

Posted 8:47pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

It’s May, which means it is officially New Zealand Music Month. New Zealand and the creative field of music go together like a bottle of Cleanskin and a BYO at India Gardens – terrifically. We have seen so many great musicians and bands come out of New Zealand who have shaped the Read more...