Archive

YOU SHOULD KNOW THE NAME ROBERT LAWSON.

Posted 4:48pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

His name should be on your lips when you kiss your lover. There should be tattoos, monuments, babies, decorative gardens, all named in his honour. Robert Lawson carved the very fabric of Dunedin, sculpted our culture in his muscled hands. He designed the buildings you love, literally the only Read more...

How to Feng Shui Your Bedroom

Posted 4:20pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Naomii Seah

Every culture has its own superstitions. You’ve probably heard some of these from your grandma, or your mother or father, or your auntie. For me, it’s always been Feng Shui. My dad touts it like no tomorrow, and whenever I tell him something that’s going wrong in my life, his Read more...

Eating My Backyard: Can Foraged Foods Make a Delicious Dinner?

Posted 3:58pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Wyatt Ryder

I’ve always liked the idea of growing my own food, but I am a very lazy man. Last week, though, I had a realisation: I’m already growing food. If animals can eat weeds, why can’t I? I grew up rural, so I had a vague idea of what was out there in terms of edible weeds. I did a Read more...

Dunedin TradeMe for 10 Dollars or Under

Posted 4:16pm Thursday 7th May 2020 by Saskia Rushton-Green

Here’s some of what’s currently available on trademe in Dunedin for 10 dollars and under.    1. These sexy belly button rings     2. This 75g container of spreadable chicken   3. Wow These ARE a bit Cute Bead Read more...

How to Make a Bong out of Literally Anything

Posted 5:33pm Thursday 30th April 2020 by Naomii Seah

I wasn’t the cool kid in high school. I had a few close friends, and lots of classmates, but I didn’t have status. I went to maybe a few high school parties, usually as a plus one, and lots of tame birthdays. The rest of the time, I was studying. Maybe that’s why it took me until Read more...

Living Without Time

Posted 12:30pm Friday 24th April 2020 by Fox Meyer

I’ve been wanting to live without time for a while now. I’d heard about a petition by a Noweigin town called Sommarøy, north of the Arctic Circle, which called for the abolishment of the 24 hour clock. The campaign asked: “Why do we need time and clocks when there is no Read more...

Surviving Long Distance

Posted 12:10pm Friday 24th April 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

For almost all couples, going long distance is generally the last thing you want to do. Critic spoke to couples who moved in together for lockdown to avoid doing just that. But what if you weren’t ready, or able, to do that with your partner? Or what if your significant other is your best Read more...

How to Hide Your Vaping From Your Parents

Posted 11:36am Friday 24th April 2020 by Caroline Moratti

During your tender, sweet time at the University of Otago, it’s highly probable that you’ve picked up a nicotine addiction. Let’s face it, sometimes there are parties so shit that you just need to smoke/vape outside in order to avoid your 2nd cousin making ‘come fuck Read more...

Which Witch is Which?

Posted 10:55am Thursday 23rd April 2020 by Fox Meyer

Spiritualism always seems to be in style. It’s time Critic provided a guide for the most common types of modern witches. If any of this makes you rethink your beliefs, you’re probably a shit witch.   The E-Witch Dresses in flowy, raggedy clothing that looks antique but was Read more...

The Scientist and Her Thirteen Ant Colonies

Posted 12:04pm Tuesday 21st April 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

The transition to online classes has been difficult for many students. But what if your studies required access to labs and materials that you can’t recreate from home? What if, say, your research included looking after live creatures? Critic spoke to Eloise Lancaster, an ecology Masters Read more...

How to Spice Up Your Zoom Lectures

Posted 10:42am Tuesday 21st April 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It's been a few weeks now, and Zoom lectures have well and truly lost their novelty. Lecturers are trying their best, but like some in-person lectures, classes can get boring. Here are some proven ways to spice up your Zoom lectures, keeping yourself alert and ready to learn. Put a Read more...

How to Find a Boyfriend in Club Penguin

Posted 3:28pm Tuesday 14th April 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With Club Penguin back up and running (praise be), I thought I would use this bountiful opportunity to get something I’ve only ever dreamed about: a boyfriend.  The new CP is slightly different: there’s ads on the loading page for one matter and everyone is a member. The class Read more...

A Definitive Ranking of the Uni Clocktower Bongs

Posted 3:38pm Tuesday 7th April 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Everytime I sit in my room, the clocktower’s flat chimes remind me that my time in this world is fleeting. Every bong that rattles through my window slowly drives me insane.  Because I have nothing else to do, and to help you all feel a little bit closer to campus, I have categorised Read more...

A Tale of Two Servers: UniCol and Locals

Posted 8:48pm Thursday 2nd April 2020 by Wyatt Ryder

Good and evil. Light and dark. Yin and yang. Mine and craft.  There are few things in life more wondrous than the joy of sharing a beautiful blocky world with your friends. All the epic gamers who haven’t got the new Animal Crossing are spending their lockdown on Minecraft. This Read more...

Essential Dealing: How Unlicensed Pharmacists Ensure a Clean Supply

Posted 8:23pm Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Sinead Gill

If there is ever a time for weed to be legal, it is during a pandemic. Personally, my anxiety has been at an all time high, though I am slowly learning to be kinder to myself for not being as productive as usual. Sometimes, the only way I can sleep is with a cheeky bit of the dev’s Read more...

Art Hoe Training

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 29th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

Famous museums all around the world are offering virtual tours of their exhibits to help pass the endless void of time during this quarantine period. That’s right, VR isn’t just for porn. Now’s your chance to one up that flatmate that went to Europe once and never shuts up about Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Starting a Flat Orgy

Posted 8:31pm Friday 27th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

Step one Start off nice and slow. You don’t want to spook anyone. Complain very loudly about the fact that you’re not having sex while in isolation during flat dinner, or whenever you’re all congregated together. Step two A few days later, suggest that you all watch porn Read more...

How to Party 2 Meters Apart

Posted 4:44pm Tuesday 24th March 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s that sick season and we shouldn’t be out here playing games with any virus, period. But. Dunedin has a party reputation that needs to be upheld for the sake of media articles all over New Zealand, so that our grandparents can post them on our Facebook page saying "Kyle Read more...

How to Take Feet Pics

Posted 8:42pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Critic

For those of you whose casual employment is drying up and who are thinking about ways to make money from home by selling pictures of your feet, Critic has you covered.   The feet: Literally any feet will do. The more natural, the better - leave those beautiful little toe hairs alone. Read more...

Students “In Limbo” Waiting for Covid-19 to Hit Campus

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Sinead Gill

Otago students are “scared”, “concerned”, and “feel as if [their] whole lives are about to come toa stand-stil” over the recent Covid-19 outbreak. Last Tuesday, students came together to celebrate St Patrick’s day in what many considered the final send Read more...

What to Do in Self-Isolation

Posted 6:35pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Everyone is freaking out about Coronavirus at the moment, buying mass amounts of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, just in case. The fear of the unknown has taken us over. What if it hits Dunedin? What if you get it? What if everything gets shut down and you don’t have enough supplies to last Read more...

Seagulls: An Exposé

Posted 6:33pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

Seagulls, the resident shit cunts of almost every city in New Zealand. Despite interacting with them on a daily basis, there remains much unknown to the general public about them. How long can they fly? What are their intentions? Do they have a supportive father figure? One of the biggest Read more...

Kebab House

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Operating a family business can be tough. Long days, commitment to work, and family time 24/7. Yet somehow, a few full-time students and their father run a kebab shop specialising in Afghan food in a place that is very different from Afghanistan: North Dunedin. I decided to sit down and talk to Read more...

Students to Watch: Hamish and Angus

Posted 6:51pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Oscar Paul

Hamish Todd and Angus Tylee are proof that, sometimes, a mate’s hairbrained scheme isn’t as cooked as you might first think. From a bedroom in Arana (lol) in 2017, the duo deduced that if no one else would bring drum and bass to Dunedin, then, fuck it, why couldn’t they just do it? Read more...

Up and Cuming: Burger Plant

Posted 6:49pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

In recent months, anyone who has driven down Great King Street has probably noticed the absence of Golden Sun Takeaways. The once iconic, always faithful fish and chip institution has instead been replaced by a mysterious new building named ‘Burger Plant’. Upon noticing this dramatic Read more...

Bees on the Brain

Posted 6:48pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

Have you ever felt a telepathic connection with honey bees? Well, you may be closer than you think. Otago’s Zoology Department has recently published a paper describing the similarities between certain bee brain waves and those of primates (including humans). Paul Szyszka, Lecturer and Read more...

(Don’t) Ask Otago

Posted 6:46pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Caroline Moratti

DISAPPOINTING SERVICE !!!!! 3 stars Their website claims that “AskOtago offers help and support for all those who study, work or contact the University of Otago” which is clearly NOT TRUE !!! !!!!!!!!! I went to AskOtago in PERSON to ask about a mole I had that appeared to be Read more...

Big, Brown and Bi: @nudes_and_pincushions

Posted 6:18pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Abigail Faletoese

For over a year now, Dunedin-based third year Medicine and History student, Jaya*, has been using her creativity to fill a void in our otherwise white washed Instagram feeds. Her Instagram page is full of the “artistic ramblings of an angry brown girl”, and is an eclectic mix of Read more...

Look Mom, No Hands!

Posted 6:37pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

The following are three true accounts of wet dreams. For the record, wet dreams are totally normal, and rarely this messy. These are the greatest cum-capers, the crème de la crème, the (e)Mission Impossible of nocturnal emissions. Enjoy at the lads’ expense. #1 Woke up from Read more...

An Ode to the Cocktower

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

Oh cock tower! oh cock tower! Your presence makes me horny, To see you chiming every day Makes my morning glory.   Your dinging and a donging, Fills me with such longing With every peal, you make me squeal "I'm late to my class meeting!"   But Read more...

Dating Ace

Posted 6:22pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Oscar Francis

Asexuality is a sexuality; the A in LGBTQIA+. No, it doesn’t mean you reproduce with yourself, unlike what your year 9 biology might have you thinking. It means you don’t experience sexual attraction like most people do. It means you if you see a hot stud across the road, you might say Read more...

Dunedin News’ Coronavirus Discourse

Posted 6:22pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Oscar Paul

Need to know more about the latest trends and pandemics? Visit Dunedin News, the single largest online forum for our fine city in the South. Dunedin News is a Facebook group founded in 2014, with the sole purpose of housing the most up-to-date collection of info from the wider Dunedin area. But Read more...

Your Asian Fetish is Gross

Posted 5:56pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

When I was younger, I was convinced that no one would ever find me attractive because I’m Asian. I don’t fit into eurocentric beauty standards, and I also don’t fit into Asian beauty standards. I’m dark skinned, little, brown-eyed and have short, wavy hair. I would’ve Read more...

The Inaugural Critic Kebab Review

Posted 1:36am Friday 28th February 2020 by Alex Leckie-Zaharic

The kebab. The holy trinity of protein, veggie and carbs. The go-to for anyone who is feening a feed that won’t damage your body and/or subtract ten minutes from your life. The team at Critic was shook to realise that no Dunedin kebab review exists, and are here to right that wrong. Each Read more...

Exclusive Interview: BuffCorrell

Posted 6:48pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Why is he shirtless? Why can’t I stop watching? Why does he do this?? BuffCorrell, who had previously never given an interview, has been an online legend - and mystery - for a decade now. Critic scored an exclusive interview with him. He answered my questions over email, and didn’t know Read more...

A-to-Z of words you should know at Otago

Posted 12:17am Friday 21st February 2020 by Critic

AGNEW            A popular party street, often thought as of far superior to the likes of the ticketed Hyde Street Party   BREATHA           A person who lives, or rather breathes, for the Read more...

Gig Review: How Deep is Your Love?

Posted 12:14am Friday 21st February 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

On Valentine’s Day, an army of Doc Martens’ shook the flimsy 19th-century floor of the Cook; by 9pm, the How Deep is Your Love gig was well underway.   The vibes were strong the whole time: each band commanded total control of the crowd. The breaks between acts left the Read more...

Students to Watch: Magdeline Huang

Posted 10:27pm Thursday 20th February 2020 by Caroline Moratti

If you’ve ever had to post on Otago Flatting Goods, you are submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known. To watch yourself or a loved one make a post begging to buy or borrow an item is a shameful endeavour, posting to 40,000+ people is not an experience that comes lightly. Like most Read more...

Love Life in the Leaf Litter

Posted 10:37pm Thursday 13th February 2020 by Emma Burns

Ah nature! Dunedin is blessed with many romantic public parks, reserves, and gardens. Filled with the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees – there is literally love all around us. With Valentine’s Day approaching, why not take a picnic and ponder some romantic strategies used by Read more...

Sea Mouse: The ocean is big and the mouse is small

Posted 10:00pm Wednesday 12th February 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

If you google ‘sea mouse’ you’ll be met with a cute ocean creature, but a couple scrolls further will open the window into the blues-fueled journey that is Wellington’s Sea Mouse. Powered by Weetbix and classic blues, Sea Mouse is known for their classical take on modern rock Read more...

A Conversation with Justin Pemberton

Posted 1:01pm Thursday 17th October 2019 by Oscar Francis

This new film of yours is a historical look at capitalism, and it’s an adaptation of a nearly 700 page economics text that deals with a piles of statistics, and a tonne of macroeconomic theory. Is it a film for nerds? No, not at all. There’s no way the film would be able to mirror the Read more...

Students to Watch: You

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

Over the past 25 issues, we’ve been documenting people on campus who are making an impact on the community around them. From people who run community groups, fashion designers, entrepreneurs, to those dedicated to the best chicken nugget deals around town. We only had space to fit in a select Read more...

“Manic-Noisy-Fun-Pop-Punk” – Mary Berry

Posted 9:28pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

Mary Berry’s win at the recent Bring the Noise competition has brought them swiftly into the student music scene, which they have taken by storm. I met the band members in an alleyway coffee shop. After procuring the necessary caffeine for any human interaction, Julie Dunn (bass), Jade Read more...

All The Time We Scooped the ODT This Year

Posted 9:25pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Sinead Gill

Critic: 19 February - OUSA to Introduce Drug Testing for O-Week ODT: 19 February - OUSA introduces drug checking for O-Week   Critic: 21 February - OUSA Ran Drug Testing for O-Week ODT: 26 February - 60 O-Week drug tests carried out   Critic: 14 March - Drug Testing Finds a Read more...

Marlin’s Dreaming: Electrifying, Witty, and Actually Good

Posted 11:27pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

The same day I interviewed Marlin’s Dreaming, Taylor Swift had just released a new album. So overall it was a big day for the Dunedin Sound. Marlin’s Dreaming is a sleepy, mesmerising band consisting of Semisi Maiai (vocals/guitar), Hamish Morgan (percussion) and Oscar Johns (bass). Read more...

WHO SHAT ON THE TABLE

Posted 11:26pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Owen Clarke

Read the mystery here     At that moment, Kyle opens the door. He sniffs, then looks at the table, then at you. “What the fuck?” he says. “That’s exactly what I said,” you say. “But I wasn’t here. It wasn’t me. It was one of Read more...

The Shittiest Study Session

Posted 11:25pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Owen Clarke

It’s a rainy Saturday evening in Dunedin. You took five too many nangs last night, forgot there was a hole in the butt pocket of your jeans and, as a result, lost your car keys. You’ve also been ghosted by your last five Tinder matches, three of whom have unmatched you altogether. In Read more...

Students To Watch: Anna Clark

Posted 11:16pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

There was never doubt in Anna Clark’s mind about where she was going to head in life. When she was 15, she knew she wanted to do genetics and from the age of four, knew she’d love to work with animals. Studying Genetics and Zoology in undergrad, Anna has combined two lifelong passions Read more...

Students to Watch – Nathan Hollows of Nugget Watch

Posted 9:19pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Phillip Plant

At first glance, Nathan Hollows appears to be just your average CompSci student, but underneath his mild mannered exterior lies the enterprising soul of an entrepreneur. Nathan’s main creation is a website called “Nugget Watch,” which is “dedicated to your hearts deepest Read more...

Sincere Shitposting: The Meme Pages Fundraising for Mental Health

Posted 8:56pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Lad shitposting is a delicate art form. In the past year or so a renaissance of sorts has risen through the weeds of Facebook algorithms. They love all things beer, caps, DnB, and are typically your average breathas. I mean, shit, some pages even have more likes than Critic Booze Reviews. Lad Read more...