Archive

Horoscope

Posted 2:32pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to give yourself a pat on the back. It’s nearly the end of the year, and you’ve made it this far. Keep pushing onwards my Aquarians xx  Habit to break: procrastination   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 I’ve never met a Read more...

Rate or Hate: Art Edition

Posted 2:21pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Interpretive dance. I’m not being ironic, I literally rate that shit as art.  That ‘Norman For You’ episode called Dumb Starbucks that people thought might be a Banksy installation before the episode aired.  The girl flatmates’ art and wine nights. I Read more...

Editorial: I admit it, we slept on Konya Kebabs

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 15th August 2021 by Erin Gourley

Last week we were inundated with criticism for an article. No, it wasn’t the investigation into neo-Nazis. It was the kebab review. As soon as it was posted on Facebook the comments started. The people were angry. They said, amongst other things:   “WHERE IS Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Fresher Denies Kissing His Mother

Posted 2:37am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ethan, a fresher at UniCol, has insisted that he “didn’t even” get a kiss from his mum as she was saying goodbye after a recent visit.  Ethan’s parents were down from Auckland on a business trip and “just thought they’d pop by and see how Ethan was Read more...

City Councillor Encourages Wholesome, Old-Timey Kids Activities

Posted 2:36am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Firebrand councillor Pete No-Fun voiced stern opposition to a planned multi-million dollar kids playground today, saying that it was a waste of money and that he didn’t need a large, elaborate playground to have a perfectly happy, fulfilling childhood.  He spoke up after Mayor A.A. Ron Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 2:33am Monday 9th August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Macaroni and Cheese Few things in life are as good as a bowl of carbohydrate drenched in creamy, cheese laden sauce. Some people like to add veggies to their mac and cheese, and look, I will not judge you if you do that. You are free to make your mac and cheese as you wish. In my opinion though, Read more...

Booze Reviews | NZ Lager

Posted 2:32am Monday 9th August 2021 by Chug Norris

NZ lager is without a doubt one of the most reliable drinks in Aotearoa. Like a plank of four by two, a per capita medal tally, and a piece of number eight wire, it represents the robust, old NZ that may still exist but has been obscured by metropolitan ideals. The can is black, the colour of the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:30am Monday 9th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Bringing eye drops with you to town, no one needs to know. My family dog not dying (at time of writing, I will update next week). Pushing in the pint night line because you “know someone”. My new best friend happens to be just before those metal dividers. Walking home Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 2:18am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time for your annual breakdown. Make sure you schedule in extra self-care this week. Start using more post-it notes to organise your life.  Workout to try: running    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Do some fucking study for God’s Read more...

GUEST EDITORIAL: I spent six months undercover in a neo-Nazi group and it was not fun

Posted 12:45am Monday 9th August 2021 by Elliot Weir

The only funny moment throughout this investigation was on a hike undercover, when three members of Action Zealandia were captivated by an impressive rainbow stretched out across the Wellington skyline. They insisted that, because it had seven colours rather than six, it was “God’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

BCom Student Reckons Weekly Ski Trips Help You Study

Posted 6:40pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Toby Tremain, a BCom student at Otago, has made waves with his bold claims that weekly ski trips help rather than hinder your grades. “Yeah look mate, it’s all about balance isn’t it,” he yelled at the Critical Tribune’s sole reporter out the window of OUSA’s Read more...

Dunedin Shitposter Lives Perfectly Wholesome, Balanced Life

Posted 6:39pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin shitposter has revealed the secret to his page’s consistently on-point humour: healthy living.  Tane is the admin of “gear up buttercup,” whose posts about the little everyday struggles of life are beloved by his 23,185 Facebook followers. What few of those Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:33pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Alice Taylor

I love granola, but I certainly do not love the price of the store bought stuff. The good granola costs about $2 per seed, and that simply is not okay. So instead, I buy my ingredients in bulk and make it at home. This is the basic recipe, but you can mix it up with whatever nuts and seeds you Read more...

Guest Edition Booze Review: Water

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Bert "Diggity Dog" Dangerfield

Salutations, it’s your old mate Bert Dangerfield (Ex Regional Worksafe Co-Coordinator Southern Southland Region) here to talk to you about the elixir of youth. Did you know that multiple studies have consistently shown that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption? Alcohol has Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:38pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate My friend who suddenly cares about the Olympics because she wants to root one of the NZ swimmers. Go queen!! He is probably in a dry spell with those cardboard beds.  Watching breathas get upset on their Instagram stories when Kanye predictably delayed his album, great Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:37pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Stop taking unjustified risks. It’s not funny, it’s just stupid.  Hobby to try: sobriety    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Don’t let the imposter syndrome bring you down. You got this.  Hobby to try: Read more...

Editorial: The Google game is the best part of the Olympics

Posted 1:21am Saturday 31st July 2021 by Erin Gourley

The Olympics are great. I love being distracted from my life by watching people who are more motivated than me and hotter than me do pointless tasks. But the Google game that they’ve created for the Olympics? It’s even better than the real thing. At first I was confused. It seemed Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Derry Dick

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

It was a typical evening on Grindr. Not much was happening. I was being sent a few unsolicited dick pics y'know, just the standard scrolling and sending boring messages. My ex had broken up with me recently, so at this stage of my life I was near rock bottom.  I started talking to a Read more...

Third-Year Blames Freshers For Illness, Not Week of Binge Drinking

Posted 6:03pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Logan, a third year student studying geography, has come to the conclusion the Fresher Flu, spread by first-years, is to blame for his current cough and runny nose. He has been on a bender for five days but he insists that this is unrelated to his current illness.  “My immune system is Read more...

GRFT101 Is The First Ever Tertiary-Level Grifting Course

Posted 6:02pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Otago Universe-City LTD has released a new product to the North Dunedin market. The limited liability company said in a press release that it was “excited” and “thrilled” to be offering the southern hemisphere’s first class on grifting as a first step in establishing Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:00pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Alice Taylor

Like most good things in life, cooking lasagne takes time, effort and emotional energy. But it is well worth it. If you feel like devoting a few hours into making something quite extraordinary, then I encourage you to cook this recipe. I have intentionally made this lasagne quite large because if Read more...

Kingfisher Lager

Posted 5:57pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Chug Norris

I consumed Kingfisher after an incredibly dusty Thursday in Re-O Week. As I perused the selection at Leith Liquor, I could think only of the inevitable pain that another box would bring me, and the horrors of Dunedin drinking culture which had led me to this point. I had only tried Kingfisher once Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:54pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Making out. I think it’s a dead romance! I love just lazily making out with someone all morning. Beautiful stuff.  People who ASK if they can choke you. WAY better than just randomly being near-suffocated in the Subs bathrooms with no warning. Those boxers that have a little Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:52pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Re O might be over, but don’t let that stop you. Have a few cheeky ones this week at Pint Night.  Sex tip: root and scoot    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sex tip: loosen up in the bedroom    Aries Mar Read more...

EDITORIAL: Porn has fucked us up

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Erin Gourley

CW: Choking, violence, sex Porn has fucked us up. By us, I mean specifically Gen Z and younger Millennials, i.e most of us who are at University right now. I wasn’t worried about this a week ago but now I am.  This week, I wrote a feature about how normal choking during sex has Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Spicy Night

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Critic

Every Sunday night, my boyfriend and I have a customary hot wings night. We believe in the ring of fire creating wings, nothing mild. These wings would emit enough heat to toast several bags of marshmallows. After devouring what some would call the absolute mother of all wings, leaving our lips Read more...

Student Excited To Stop Hiding True Self From Parents After Holidays

Posted 4:44pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Many students dread the end of the uni holidays, but for Otago dentistry student Paul Zhang, it cannot come soon enough.  A fortnight of trying to suppress his newfound work-hard, play-hard attitude and his increasingly liberal sociopolitical attitudes from those he grew up with has really Read more...

Fresher Finally Meets Someone From Mosgiel

Posted 4:43pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mosgiel is a place that many people have only heard about, but UniCol fresher Aimee Fredericks was lucky enough to meet someone hailing from just west of Dunedin at a party in Re-O. “I’d only ever heard about the Mosgiel sign on the news!” she said. “The first time I drove Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 4:41pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Alice Taylor

Creamy Thai Carrot and Coconut Soup  This recipe is inspired by the most delicious carrot soup that my flatmate cooks. I love to make it at the start of the week, freeze it in ziplock bags, and then I have lunch ready to go whenever I need it. I have not cooked pumpkin soup since I made Read more...

Greenhill Lime and Elderflower Seltzers

Posted 4:38pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Chug Norris

When I consumed the Greenhill Seltzers I was struck by divine inspiration. It all began when I heard a knock on the door late one afternoon. Opening the door there was no one around, but before me lay a baby perched on the doorstep of my flat. Its cradle was illuminated by a ray of golden light that Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 4:36pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Dropping out of uni and buying a season pass to the ski fields, sorry Mum. Full year papers having no first sem exams. Sorry to my flatties who had to watch me get otp since May.  The new Vice-Chancellor being called Dave. Just saying no one has seen him and David Schwimmer in the Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 4:34pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to assess your life choices, how did you end up this way? Cafe to try: Modaks Espresso    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Emotional attachment is scary. Learn how to deal with it.  Cafe to try: Buster Read more...

Editorial: Anybody wanna buy some data?

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Erin Gourley

I have learned more about you all than I ever could have hoped.  I know your age, year of study, major, whether you went straight from high school to uni, how prepared you felt starting uni, the most interesting paper you took, whether you work while you study, how much work impacts your Read more...

A Bit of Olive Oil

Posted 1:49pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Critic

I was desperate. After a large dry spell of bad sexual encounters, the only thing more down than my self-esteem was the flaccid dicks that had writhed limply in my mouth. It had been over a year without a dick entering my pussy and let me tell you it was not from a lack of trying.  Flash Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 1:47pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Alice Taylor

I am an advocate for potato in any form, but bangers and mash is one of my favorite ways to consume this glorious food. On countless occasions, I plan to cook this meal, then give up on the bangers and eat the mash by itself. I encourage you to cook the whole dish – it is utterly Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:40pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Keep focusing on yourself, trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, gorgeous.  Re Ori Activity: pint night    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Stop letting your emotional outbursts and overly critical tendencies ruin your Read more...

Local Produce: Glacé Accessories

Posted 1:33pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Annabelle Vaughan

During last year's Covid-19 lockdown, housebound people up and down the country got creative with their time. One of these people was Zhaqueal, a fourth-year dental technology student and owner of up and coming hair accessory business, Glacé.  Zhaqueal’s hair accessories Read more...

EDITORIAL | No singular person can fairly review the bars of Dunedin

Posted 10:40am Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Erin Gourley

AN OFFICE DIVIDED: We tried to review the bars of Dunedin and now several of our staff members are not on speaking terms. The opposing sides of this debate were immovable in their devotion to their favourite watering holes.  Initially, Culture Editor Annabelle Vaughan volunteered to write Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The River Thames

Posted 8:31pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

I was fresh. Fresh to death some would say, and on my own in London. And when left alone in a new city in a different country, with extremely limited resources, what is one to do? Explore your sexuality with strangers!  Luckily a strange and suspiciously handsome man was willing to oblige. Read more...

Amazing! Child of Real-Life Medical Doctor Is Doing Health Sci

Posted 8:26pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The rumours are true. A Critical Tribune investigation has found that the child of an actual, actively practicing medical doctor is doing health sci at Otago this year.  The child, which the Tribune has chosen not to name in order to preserve their privacy, said that until recently, she had Read more...

Touching! “Evil” Landlord Donates Generously To Charity, Proves Naysayers Wrong

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Who says landlords are pure evil? While some of our more extremist writers like to push this sensationalist, one-sided argument, in the pursuit of fairness and balance, the Tribune can EXCLUSIVELY reveal a landlord branded as “evil” and “fraudulent” actually has a real heart Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Time to Potluck I take potlucks so seriously that I do fear that I suck the fun and joy out of the process for everyone else. Tiramisu is the ultimate potluck meal. It is sweet, when most people bring savoury. You can make it in advance. You keep it in the fridge and don’t need to bake or Read more...

Booze Reviews | Vailima 6.7

Posted 8:18pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Chug Norris

Feeling drained, literally, by my Fizzliss experience last week, I decided to fortify my strength by returning to my origins: Beer. I went into Henry’s and picked up something called “Vailima.” The name alone intrigued me. Just in time for Samoan language week, I learned that Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 8:12pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Olivia Rodrigo’s entire new album being about her shitbag ex. Favourite Crime hits very diff. Name and shame baby x J Lo getting back with her ex after almost my entire lifetime. Usually I would never encourage that but it’s actually quite a beautiful love story.  The Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 8:07pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Were you silent, or were you silenced? Tabloid scandal to revisit: Going to rehab    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need an ego check. Tabloid scandal to revisit: The Crown killed Diana    Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Tis the Read more...

Local Produce: Hot Sauce Club

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sean Gourley

Image credit: Rosa Nevison Hot Sauce Club are a recent band on the Dunedin scene. They’ve taken Dunedin by storm with a continuous series of gigs since their venue debut at Starters. Their Spotify is still in the pipes at the moment but check out their Insta @hotsauceclub. The band consists Read more...

EDITORIAL | I’m very tempted to make Critic this TRASHY all the time

Posted 3:23pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

Howdy folks and welcome to the Critic Tabloid issue! Oh boy, oh boy, do we have some salacious stories for you in this one! We’ve finally lost all sense of direction and become an actual rag! We’ve filled this bad boy right to the brim with some piping hot scoops that were legally Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Double Dipping

Posted 1:03am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Back in the innocent days of my youth (i.e. early 2020, before the world went to shit) I decided that I was going to spend my year overseas. However, I had one last conquest to tick off before I did so. Under the ruse of coming back to see my friends for one last hoorah, I arrived in Dunedin with a Read more...