Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

This story begins with a weekend trip to Queenstown with the girls. Drinking? Yes. Lines in town which are shorter than two hours? Yes. Hitting the slopes while we’re at it? Big yes.

Half a bottle of fireball and a full face of makeup later, we find our way to town. By this point, we’re all pretty fucked up and don’t really know where we are, or how many shots we’ve deleted. All we know is we’re here for a good time not a long time. All of a sudden we bump into a friend from Dunners who’s in Qtown with his mates. Immediately, one of them catches my eye. I start chatting to this guy and lose track of where my friends are, as they go to the bathroom or something. I honestly don’t give a shit where they are, as I’ve already set my sights on screwing this boy by the end of the night.

A quick boogie with him turns frisky and at this point we both know where this is headed. Here is where we reach our first problem of the night: where are we gonna do the deed? I’m staying with my friend’s parents who probably wouldn’t appreciate me having a root in the guest bedroom, so that’s an instant no from me. When I ask him what his accommodation situation is he tells me that he’s staying in a Juicy van rental, which is parked on the side of a main road.

I guess that’ll have to do. Who doesn’t love a bit of freedom camping after all?

We stumble back to the van and things get heated pretty quickly. My dress is torn off in a matter of seconds while he starts playing with my tits and goes down on me (nice). I’m pretty stoked with my current situation as he’s already delivering more than your typical Dunners breather ever does. I suck his dick for a little bit and then we get right to it. We try to put it in for a bit but sadly we both realise he’s afflicted with the deadly curse: Pilly Willy. Realising a good dicking probably isn’t on the menu for the night we pull the plug there and then.

At this point it’s 3am, I’m a solid 40-minute walk from my accommodation and I’m a bit too fucked up to stand up straight. He very kindly offers for me to stay the night in his van and says his mates are all staying at the hotel tonight. He says can give me a ride home the next morning. I enthusiastically accept his offer as cuddles seem a lot more appealing than a dusty walk of shame. We shuffle up to the upper bunk to crash for the night.

This turns into the second, and worst, problem of the night.

I’m suddenly jolted awake by banging noises, hushed drunk whispers and doors opening. I feel a whole van load of people enter underneath us. When I try to whisper “what’s going on??” (a reasonable fucking question after all), I’m promptly shhed. This is when I realise that his friends are not staying at the hotel. They’ve all decided to pile in to sleep in front of the door, my only exit, and on top of my clothes. I’m naked, drunk, cold and in a van full of people I don’t know. But my goal was to get dicked down and fucking hell, I’m gonna get what I came for.

I start groping him again, at which point he has recovered and is back in action for round two. I get on top and start riding him, lying horizontally because the roof is so low I’ll bash my head if I even try to sit upright. When I’m moving back and forth the whole fucking van moves too. I don’t even know how I managed to contort my body to get his dick inside me but I consider it an athletic achievement.

The next morning, I sift through all the sleeping bodies to grab my clothes, decide I can’t be fucked finding my socks, and crawl out the door. My dusty ass starts walking the long trek home, but the guy yells after me: “Hey, I still owe you that ride!”

The whole van – including the 3 passed out dudes - is taken for a joyride to drop me off straight to the front door of my accommodation. He drives off into the sunrise taking both my dignity and my socks.

Thanks to Juicy Rentals for letting this girl get it in xx

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2021.
Posted 4:30pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic.