Jan 20 - Feb 18

Your mental stability might scare you at the moment. But it’s okay, you can’t be unhinged forever. It’s all part of the character development.

Beverage of the week: cheap bottle of sav



Feb 19 - Mar 20

Romanticise every silly little moment of your silly little life because you’re a silly little sentimental water sign.

Beverage of the week: vodka soda with a hint of lime



Mar 21 - Apr 19

Heading into the spring season, things are looking cruisy and chill for you. Crack open a cold one and feel the vibes.

Beverage of the week: Raspberry Cruisers  



Apr 20 - May 20

Communication may be muddley for the next couple of weeks. Ensure you are being clear and concise to avoid misunderstandings in the future.

Beverage of the week: Emerson’s Pilsner



May 21 - Jun 20

Get a root, it’ll do wonders for you. Just remember to use protection and don’t get attached. 

Beverage of the week: Long Whites



Jun 21 - July 22

Get out and explore a little more. Nature will make you feel more balanced, and will do wonders for the ol’ noggin.

Beverage of the week: Rosè



July - Aug 22

Leo men, what’s up with y’all? Who made you like that?

Beverage of the week: Fizzliss RTDs



Aug 23 - Sep 22

You have just gone through a great period of healing and reflection. It’s time to move onwards and upwards and soldier into the future. Celebrate with a box and some DnB.

Beverage of the week: Woodstock Bourbon and Cola 



Sep 23 - Oct 22

Your social media activism does nothing. Please stop spamming everyone’s feeds, you don’t have to be woke all the time.

Beverage of the week: Pinot Noir, the good kind



Oct 23 - Nov 21

Procrastination isn’t a personality trait. Stop putting off work and study, it will just make your life worse.

Beverage of the week: Jagerbomb



Nov 22 - Dec 21

It’s time to do something funky. Drop off the face of the earth for six months, pierce every part of your body, get a tramp stamp. Stick it to the man. Godspeed, my friend.

Beverage of the week: grapefruit seltzers



Dec 22 - Jan 19

What’s it like? Being grounded and rational? Is it a nice experience?

Beverage of the week: homemade fresh piña coladas

This article first appeared in Issue 23, 2021.
Posted 7:02pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Critic.