A Japanese Nissan Leaf is sitting in a Yokohama showroom, apparently happily unaware of the abuse it will face at the hands of an Otago student in 20 years time.
The electric car, decked out in Magnetic Red, was born at Nissan’s Oppama Factory last month; far too young to even comprehend the torment that it will experience at the hands of a breatha in a few short decades.
Whether it was the agony of needing to survive frigid winters without even the dignity of basic maintenance, the torture of having wing mirrors kicked clean off, bonnets stomped on and Speights bottles smashed over it while parked on Dundas Street, or the humiliation of the “Castle ‘Til The Day I Die,” “Eat Ass Smoke Grass,” and “School of Physiotherapy” stickers, none of this had yet crossed the mind of the innocent Leaf, excitedly watching a young Japanese family sign the dotted line to purchase their dream car.
At press time, the Leaf was rolling down a steep hill towards a watery death in Yokohama Harbour, apparently having been made aware of all the vomit and cum stains that will soon grace its recycled PET seat fabric.