Hardcover Novel in Student Flat Hopeful of Finally Being Read

Hardcover Novel in Student Flat Hopeful of Finally Being Read

A hardcover copy of “The Luminaries”, which has been gathering dust in a shady corner of a Dundas Street flat, is optimistic that it will finally be read over the lockdown period.

The 2020 edition of Eleanor Catton’s book was purchased as a Christmas gift last year, by the ex-partner of second-year English student Kerry. Despite its heartwarming backstory, down to the soppy love note on its front page, sources confirmed to the Critical Tribune that the book has been left in the exact same position, on a slowly-collapsing Warehouse bookshelf, since it was transported from Tauranga in February this year.

“It’s fucking humiliating,” said the 832-page novel. “I’m a critically-acclaimed Man Booker Prize-winning novel, for fuck’s sake. But they haven’t even touched me. They read, all right, but it’s all Twitter bullshit, smut about fucking animals, or something like that. Even that cheap excuse of a rag gets more love than me,” it said, gesturing to the dog-eared copies of Critic Te Arohi on Kerry’s bed, all turned to the ‘Moaningful Confessions’ page. 

“This time is different, though,” it said. “Lots of downtime between lectures, nothing to do... Surely this will be the moment where they reignite their love of fine literature again. I’m optimistic.”

At press time, the novel was getting retrieved from the bookshelf, for the first time in six months, to prop up Kerry’s iPad as they played an episode of “Too Hot To Handle”.

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2021.
Posted 4:19pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by The Critical Tribune.