Corona Extra

Corona Extra

The first time I ever had a beer, it was a Corona. My dad handed it to me, looked me dead in the eyes and said: “This is a Corona boy. Don’t take your Coronas to a party, son, leave them at home for pre’s.” All my life I heeded his words. Every time I bought Coronas, I stashed them under my bed and never let anyone else see them. Over time, the seriousness of his lesson grew faint in my mind and I began to question it. Why shouldn’t I take them? I thought, after all, they’re a delicious, light and summery Mexican brew, perfectly suited for the binge drinking of a flat party.

And so it came to be. On the Saturday after Level 3 ended, I thought I knew better. I wasn’t naïve. I came prepared with what I thought was a perfect plan. I knew that no one could bear to drink a Corona without a lime in the neck of the bottle. So, deep in my pocket, I placed a pre-sliced baggy of limes to keep safe for the night ahead.

After the initial shit that I got for possessing such a fancy beer, I thought I was in the clear. But as the night went on, I noticed increasingly envious glances from those around me. Each time I popped off one of the bottle caps it went ricocheting around the room, but the others hardly seemed to notice. Their eyes were fixed on me as I pulled out a fresh slice of lime and placed it in the neck of my bottle.

By only about the fifth Corona, I was getting creeped out by everyone at the flat party. Everyone I spoke to simply stared at the glistening Corona bottle in my hand. They were in a trance. Like vultures they circled my box, only held back by the fact that none of them were insane enough to drink Corona without a slice of lime. I patted the limes in my pocket. As long as they were safe, my box was safe.

I was pissing down into the trees outside the flat a little later when my flatmate approached me. Pissing beside me he said: “Hey bro, do you want to come do some tequila shots, we just need some of those limes you’ve got, it wouldn't be the same without the limes aye haha.”

I was bloated from all the beer I’d had, so the thought of tequila won me over. My hand went to the limes and his eyes followed greedily. No sooner than I had pulled the edge of the bag from my pocket did he immediately snatch them from my hand.

As I grabbed his arm to stop him from making off with the precious limes, he pushed me backwards. My back foot slipped over the bank behind me. As I tumbled into the piss-soaked bushes below, he called after me, “sorry man, it’s nothing personal, there’s just no way we were going to steal your Coronas without some limes aye.”

It took me several minutes to climb out of the bushes. When I emerged piss-soaked and enraged, I caught a glimpse of the party indoors. Every single person was holding a glistening 355 mL, topped with limes. In that moment I realised everything that had happened was my fault. I walked home from that flat party with my father’s words ringing in my ears: “don’t take your Coronas to a party, son, leave them at your flat for pre’s.”


Tasting notes: weak but refreshing, garnish is essential

Tastes like: summer, betrayal, et tu Brutus?

Froth level: not having olive oil freeze in your kitchen anymore

Taste rating: 6/10, poor without lime

This article first appeared in Issue 23, 2021.
Posted 3:48pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Chug Norris.