Booze Reviews: Long White Hazy Lemonade

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

RTD’s have now fallen victim to the shameless marketing trend that’s conned every corduroy-wearing millennial in Wellington into drinking the most experimental hazy IPA. Trying to prove your superiority of taste and class doesn’t cover up the fact you get shamelessly pissed every Read more...

Booze Reviews: Purple Goanna

Posted 3:09pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Yup, love ‘em or hate ‘em, they still make this stuff. Purple Gs are getting funnelled, chugged, vortexed, snorkelled, and otherwise demolished at high speeds – much like the endangered Goannas of its namesake. For some reason, every other person just assumed that the OG – Read more...

Booze review: GIN

Posted 4:48pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Gin is medicine; it’s true. I was prescribed it, along with heroin, by my 19th century doctor. He says, “It takes the edge off of Mondays.” I miss the days when you could be prescribed alcohol by a doctor. You know you’re a special case when your doctor says, “Jesus, Read more...

Booze Review: Part Time Rangers

Posted 2:23pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Part Time Rangers provide aid to at-risk animals worldwide, donating 10% from every can to various charities. They are yet to help out the orangutan addicted to heroin in my basement.   The gimmick is that each box has a nice animal on it, and depending on the box you buy, you will be Read more...

Crate Review: Waikato Draught

Posted 1:13pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

As a Jaf-ugee, Crate Day always leaves me in a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand, I can try and claim Speights as my crate of origin, but I know deep in my heart I’m no Southern man. On the other hand, Lion Red is fucking disgusting. However, this year, I was saved the agonizing choice by my Read more...

Booze Review: Billy Mav

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Behind every jovial flat party, every electric scooter thrown through a glass window, and every deck that spews DnB onto the Billy Maverick. He is the lifeblood of North Dunedin. If the Leith were to ever dry up, it would be replaced with bourbon and cola. Billy Mavs come exclusively Read more...

Booze Review | BRB Haze of our Lives

Posted 6:16pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

The rumble of student shitboxes returning to Otago; freshers and breathers sinking piss hand over fist; littered streets strewn with eggshells. Nature is healing.   These scenes are nothing uncommon for the students of North D, as they gear up for their Flo and O Weeks. Fourteen days of Read more...

Booze Review | Pure Blonde tastes like giving up

Posted 5:17pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Chug Norris

Pure Blonde Ultra Low Carb Lager is the type of beer that you drink when you are tired of life. When the joy that you used to receive from simple things like a cold beer has faded into the monotony of the semi-alcoholism of suburban BBQ culture.  But there is also something deeper. You buy a Read more...

Booze Review | Country Medium White Wine is a most exquisite vintage

Posted 2:09pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Chug Norris

Goon has a reputation as a low tier, last-resort type of potation. But while this scurrilous reputation may hold true for pretentious European attempts at goon (see Chasseur), the New Zealand-made Country Medium White Wine is a cardboardeaux that excels and excites in taste, mouthfeel and, most of Read more...

Booze Review | Cody’s Bourbon and Cola is Criminally underrated.

Posted 7:01pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Chug Norris

Cody’s has many negative associations, several of which are fair. As previous booze reviews have mentioned, it is the drink of choice of 12 year-olds at skate parks throughout the country. For many, the drink is reminiscent of alcohol-fueled injuries and social decay. But these prejudiced Read more...

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