Fuck, I Canít Cook!

Fuck, I Canít Cook!


I was inspired to publish this recipe for two reasons. Firstly, while I am a proud and devoted lover of cheese and carbs, I realised that the majority of my most recent recipes were incredibly beige, creamy and cheesy. And secondly, lunch is by far my least favorite meal to make. Lunch comes at the most inconvenient time, which means I need to plan ahead. But for whatever reason I seem to have a deep hatred of packed lunches – it often needs to be kept in a fridge and/or reheated, in which case you then have to wait for about ten minutes to access a microwave that barely works. Or it (and by it, I mean my Vogel’s vegemite sandwich) just taste like shit. As a result, I normally give up entirely and buy yet another $5 scroll from the campus shop. However, I think I might have found the lunch that solves all of these problems – falafel! It is easy to make, cheap as chips, and does not need to be reheated but instead can be enjoyed at room temperature. I tend to pop a four or five in a wrap and off I go. These are great frozen, they work as burger patties, and they are also delicious with chips and satay sauce for the ultimate hangover cure. 

Makes around 23 falafels (I tend to have 4-6 per serving)


2 cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1 onion, peeled and roughly diced

6 cloves garlic, peeled and roughly diced 

4 Tbsp flour

2 tsp cumin 

1 tsp paprika 

A bunch of parsley, roughly chopped (basil or coriander also works)

1 tsp salt 



15-18 minutes 180 fan forced 

Makes 23 falafel 

  1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius. 
  2. Because this makes a lot of falafel, I tend to blend up the mixture in two batches. Add half the chickpeas, onion, garlic, flour, cumin, paprika, parsley, salt and pepper into a food process, and blend until it forms a slightly sticky, coarse mixture that can be rolled into balls. This should only take a minute or so, but you may need to scrap down the sides to make sure everything is blended evenly. 
  3. Tip this mixture out into a bowl and repeat the process with the remaining half of all the ingredients. 
  4. Once that is blended, add the mixture to the bowl and mix together to make sure everything is evenly combined. 
  5. Take a small ball sized amount (slightly smaller than a golf ball) and squeeze and roll into a ball. Place on a lined baking tray. Repeat with the remaining mixture. 

Bake for around 15-18 minutes, or until golden. This will depend on how large the falafel is. Alternatively, you can shallow fry these in a pan until golden.

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2021.
Posted 4:23pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Alice Taylor.