Jan 20 - Feb 18
It’s time for your annual breakdown. Make sure you schedule in extra self-care this week. Start using more post-it notes to organise your life.
Workout to try: running
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Do some fucking study for God’s sake. You’re going to be the star of flat cooking this week.
Workout to try: yoga
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Who hurt you? It was probably your parents. Go read some Freud.
Workout to try: kickboxing
Apr 20 - May 20
Cynicism is exhausting. Try being positive, you may find you like it.
Workout to try: a leisurely stroll
May 21 - Jun 20
If there is one thing you need right now, it’s comfort. Indulge in some treats, you deserve it x
Workout to try: aqua jogging
Jun 21 - July 22
Remember, what will be, will be. Don’t overthink, unless it’s about really important things. Then do overthink.
Workout to try: aerobics
July - Aug 22
Studylink is meant for rent, not gambling and drugs, remember that. This is the week you realise that your eyes are filming a movie being shown in a multiplex in heaven.
Workout to try: spin class
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Keep fulfilling your spiritual journey. Good vibes are being sent your way, but you can conjure up some more of them by using a vibrator.
Workout to try: weight lifting
Sep 23 - Oct 22
Try to make a decision for once in your life, scatterbrain. Be careful around houseplants.
Workout to try: biking
Oct 23 - Nov 21
You’re gonna be fine. Just be prepared for angry emails on Monday and make sure to eat lunch. Change your laptop screensaver to those cool tropical fish.
Workout to try: push ups
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Just remember, it’s not that deep. The Marianas Trench, however, is that deep.
Workout to try: trampolining
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Congrats. It takes a lot of effort being the bigger person. You’re going to take the high road and enjoy the view.
Workout to try: athletics