Archive

Skuxx Food | Italian (or Greek, or NYC) style meatballs:

Posted 2:34pm Saturday 9th April 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Here’s how to make some really awesome yet simple meatballs. You can add them to any meal you like. I recommend a tomato-based pasta or, as pictured here, a Greek-style couscous salad. If you’re proper ceebs, chuck them in a bread roll and call it a NYC meatball sub. With these bad boys, Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:31pm Saturday 9th April 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Elliot. We got last week’s submission correct, though it nearly killed us: Shimla, India, from the parking lot of Christ Church. First thoughts: Definitely looks Japanese. I wonder if this is Himeji Castle. We’ll see. Not Himeji Castle, so Read more...

GHOTI

Posted 1:23am Saturday 9th April 2022 by Fox Meyer

If you’re trying to learn English, good fuckin’ luck, because “GHOTI” is pronounced “fish” (touGH, wOmen, acTIon).  English is a bizarre and wonderful language, and I am so, so glad that I was born into it rather than having to learn it as an adult. Of all Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 6:57pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to fill your life with more wholesome hobbies to ward off the feelings of depression and loneliness. Try going to the farmers market, or knitting, or writing a book about how fucked everything is.  Dunedin sight to see: Cargill’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | See you later, phallus-gater. In a while, Crocs-odile

Posted 6:53pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Critic

I hadn’t had a root since the world’s greatest heartbreak hit me a year earlier. I was ready. It was my time of the month, I was wearing my lucky dress and my favourite Crocs. My way of flirting with everyone and anyone was to insist that after every nang, you smooch the person next to Read more...

Snoop Dog

Posted 6:50pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

In this column, we’ll be using the internet to try to figure out exactly where people took their random photos. This week, we have an image provided by Kirsty. We got last week’s entry correct, the photo from Mr. Abel was indeed taken from the cafe at Griffith Observatory in Los Read more...

Hardy’s 1L (all of it, it’s all the same)

Posted 6:45pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Chug Norris

Hardy’s is perhaps the most widely consumed wine in Dunedin. Not a BYO goes by where a bottle does not appear. The iconic one litre bottle towers over the laughably dainty 750 mL bottles on the table. But Hardy’s is also special in another respect: it is utterly shit. It is a symbol of Read more...

Skuxx Food | Rocket Pesto

Posted 6:41pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

This is my go-to pesto recipe as it makes HEAPS and is cheaper than making a traditional homemade pesto (which is made from fresh basil and pine nuts). Top tip: add this to some cooked pasta and your flatties will go wild. Check out @skuxxfood on Instagram for some pesto-pasta inspo.  Makes Read more...

Call Me By Your (Latin/Indigenous/English) Name

Posted 5:37pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Fox Meyer

Human brains are not designed to sit at a desk and memorise content for hours on end, they’re built to remember stories. When we stop thinking in terms of stories, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. This is especially poignant in the grown-up sciences, which have traditionally felt Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Bloody Hell

Posted 6:24pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Critic

Now, I’ve got a lot of issues, and chronic sinus problems is one of them. Usually, in my day-to-day life, my chronic sinus pain and blockage doesn’t bother me apart from the odd sniffle or headache. But in my sex life, well, that’s a different story.  Let me set the scene. Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 5

Posted 6:22pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 You need sleep, tequila, and the ability to learn what quiet hours are.  Breakfast to have: Greek yoghurt bowl.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Pisces women are like Taylor Swift. Every time a man wrongs you, you just get hotter and more famous. Read more...

Fizzliss Cranberry & Apple Vodka

Posted 6:17pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Chug Norris

I was going to review Fizzliss’ new Pineapple and Passionfruit flavour but it had sold out in every store in Dunedin, so it must be good. Instead I acquired the formerly infamous Cranberry flavour to see if it still maintained its laxative properties. It did not. But it does taste way Read more...

Skuxx Food | Spicy Chorizo Pasta

Posted 6:15pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Use this recipe as a base for any tomato ragù-based pasta dish! Simply swap out the chorizo and mushrooms for any other meat and vegetables of your choice. Get creative, stay skuxx.  Serves 6  Ingredients:  600 grams of short pasta (I used rigatoni, but penne or Read more...

Snoop Dog

Posted 6:10pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

In this column, we’ll be using the internet to try to figure out exactly where people took their random photos. This week, we had an image supplied by a Mr. Abel. Let’s see if we can figure out exactly where it was taken. First Thoughts: Alright, I think this is somewhere in the US or Read more...

Cheeky Cheater Cheats Cheap Cheaters

Posted 5:37pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Sometimes failure can lead people to their true calling, as recently discovered by an entrepreneur who lost her passion for first year Health Sci after one failed progress test. Now pursuing a Business degree, Critic became aware of Annie after several tearful complaints from Auckland HSFY students Read more...

Discussion-Dominating Student Dismisses Claims of Disruption

Posted 5:36pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Critic Te Arohi had a chat with Danny, a third year student who, according to the Geography department, takes up 60% of discussion time in tutorials.  “I mean, I don’t really do the readings but I just kinda catch the vibe,” he told Critic through hoons that he blew in our Read more...

Bush-bound Bandit Bamboozled by Bureaucracy

Posted 5:35pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Jamie O’Mannin, 31, was recently arrested after spending the last 12 years living on the West Coast, subsisting off of freeze-dried meals stolen from trampers spending the night in DoC huts. He had overstayed his visa by 11 years. Jamie was arrested last week, when he was caught in Mt. Read more...

Beezies Bewildered by Bad Beverage Breakouts

Posted 5:34pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Local girls have recently been shocked to discover that their ultra-healthy, sugar-free RTDs have horrible side effects. Critic Te Arohi spoke to Samantha who bemoaned, “I can’t believe it. My collagen boosting drink with notes of aloe vera and angel piss gave me a pimple the next Read more...

Satellites are Scary

Posted 5:05pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Fox Meyer

The United States has this plane called the Dragon Lady. The U-2, like the band. It’s a spyplane, originally from the Cold War era. There’s a camera on the bottom of this thing, a big glass ball that sticks out. From the stratosphere, it can tell if you’re holding a can of Coke or Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Cocktower Confession

Posted 3:19pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Critic

Once upon a time, in a place not too far away, your girl did something a lil’ bit nasty on Uni grounds. I had been going to some university events which I shall not name, in the sake of protecting my identity and, well, my ego. While I was there, I met a pretty cute boy whom I shall call Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Sup baby, take me out to dinner.  Drug to try: The humble weed brownie.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Not everything is a metaphor. Stop reading into every single miniscule detail of your life. It’s just not that fucking deep.  Drug to Read more...

Booze Reviews | Jameson Irish Whiskey

Posted 3:07pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Chug Norris

This St Paddy’s day I was on a diet, so I bought a bottle of Jameson whiskey instead of beer. Instead of standing around in near darkness and hating our lives, a group of us decided to go for an expedition to the reservoir for a change in scenery. I did not want to be lugging around a glass Read more...

Skuxx Food | Chicken burgers

Posted 3:05pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Chicken burgers with grilled pineapple, avo and caramelised onions It took a lengthy discussion between myself and 5 of my flatmates to work out how to explain what butterflying a chicken breast actually entails. I hope you learn something from those 10 minutes we’ll never get Read more...

GUEST EDITORIAL: Concerta Tales

Posted 1:14pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Mary Jane

I wake up. The radio station in my head is already blaring. Too many glockies. Too many fucking glockieeees! This song has been in my head for the last 36 hours.  Oh shit, I’m hungover. I’m anxious. The podcasters who run my internal monologue are arguing again. You’ve got Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | How I Caught an S-T-Daddy

Posted 1:42pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Critic

After spending 4 months in one of New Zealand’s shittest small towns, sleeping in a single bed, and spending all my time with my parents and the one friend I still talk to from high school, I was horny and ready to get back out into Dunedin.  It was my first night back and I was alone Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:38pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Aquarius, why be so hard on yourself? Life is far too short to continue to criticise yourself. Be young, be free.  End of iso activity: exposing your deepest and darkest secrets to people whilst drunk.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 I get it, you Read more...

Booze Reviews | Carlsberg Elephant Extra Strong

Posted 1:33pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Chug Norris

Picture this: your fuck-up of a flatmate got Covid so now you have to isolate with two people you can barely stand for at least 10 days with no chance of distraction or escape. What do you do? How do you get along with flatmates that you hate? The answer, I found, was to drink 10.5% Elephant Read more...

Skuxx Food | Fish Tacos with Crunchy Asian Slaw

Posted 1:27pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

This is the ideal student meal if you’re using frozen fish, but also one to blow your flatmates away with a boujee fresh fish option. Choose your fighter.  Enough for six people to have two tacos each Ingredients For tacos:  6-8 frozen crumbed fish fillets; or 6-8 fresh Read more...

We Need to Re-Think Toilets

Posted 4:54pm Saturday 12th March 2022 by Fox Meyer

The porcelain throne, like any monarchy, is outdated. It’s an invention that was brought into the mainstream in a time of unprecedented wealth and prosperity. It was a groundbreaking innovation, one that brought sanitation into the homes of millions. But we can do better. Every time you Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Hungry like the Wolf

Posted 5:31pm Sunday 6th March 2022 by Critic

So this one’s a bit of a doozy. I was coming out of a long relationship and looking to get back out there. I had this sort of mutual friend, and I could tell for a while that there were some definite vibes kicking off between us, so one night, on the couch I was squatting on, we got down to Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 2

Posted 5:28pm Sunday 6th March 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Keep developing that character and nicotine addiction, bestie!  Iso activity: becoming TikTok famous   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Sure, being funny is cool and all but so is addressing your deep rooted trauma. Maybe it’s time to check in with Read more...

Booze Reviews | Ranfurly Draught

Posted 5:20pm Sunday 6th March 2022 by Chug Norris

Long ago, in a simpler time, a time of carefree binge drinking uninterrupted by lockdowns, there existed the greatest beers ever to be brewed: Southern Golds. They were a humble beverage, with a quiet but confident air that reassured you as you grasped their beautiful golden exterior that, in the Read more...

Skuxx Deluxe | Chinese-inspired Chicken Noodle Soup

Posted 5:11pm Sunday 6th March 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

If you’re like half of North Dunedin, you may have been hit by the big C this past week. Whether that is Covid or Chlamydia, this Chinese-inspired chicken noodle soup is sure to bring you back to full health in no time.    Serves 6-8 hungry people! (Probably with leftovers to Read more...

EDITORIAL: This was never a peaceful protest

Posted 1:06pm Sunday 6th March 2022 by Fox Meyer

Helluva week, huh? We’ve got a war, we’ve got a scary new climate report, and we’ve got the shitstorm that blew through parliament grounds on Wednesday. This whole issue of Critic has a bit of a calamitous fog hanging over it, which you can probably tell from the cover. I guess Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Not into that shit

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by Critic

I believe I have had the shittiest attempt at a hookup ever.  To set the scene: I’d just freshly moved out of my mum’s house into my first flat. My flatmates are both out so I decide fuck it, time to hop on Grindr, what’s the worst that could happen? So I message this guy Read more...

Skuxx Deluxe | Green Mac and Cheese

Posted 4:12pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Green Mac and Cheese This rendition of your classic mac ‘n cheese is perfect for post-O Week, when your hangover isn't budging but your body is begging for some nutrients. It's effectively like you’re 5-years-old again and your mum is disguising your vegetables under a pile of Read more...

Booze Reviews | Tui 7.2% Strong Lager

Posted 4:06pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by Chug Norris

Tui has done it again. Earlier, with their standard lager, the brewery perfectly captured the taste of a minor fuck-up, a small leak in the life-boat, a failure to look both ways at a railway crossing, a sneaky look down the barrel of a firework to see why it isn’t working.  But now, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 1

Posted 4:04pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 You’ve done a lot of personal growth over the summer, and renegotiated a lot of relationships. Remember to not beat yourself up about the past.  New Year's resolution: setting personal boundaries and not falling back into toxic Read more...

Emergency Summit Fails To Avert Fresher-Second Year War

Posted 3:09pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by The Critical Tribune

A fragile peace between first- and second-years has collapsed amidst accusations of aggression on both sides. Relations between the two groups frayed after mass movements of freshers were detected around the traditionally second-year strongholds of Castle Street and Forth Street. Concerns about Read more...

Shopping trolley stocks plummet as students hit north D

Posted 3:08pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Supermarkets across the city are reporting shortages of shopping trolleys, as students move into town and claim the sterling vessels as their own. “It’s madness”, said one New World employee. “Yesterday, I saw a woman back her RAV-4 all the way up to the building’s door Read more...

EDITORIAL: If we had student bars, I bet there’d be less news about party breaches

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 27th February 2022 by Fox Meyer

There is no student bar this year. That’s a first for Dunedin, as far as I can tell.  See, student bars are like whales. In the mid 1800’s, Pākehā settlers set up shop on the peninsula and hunted migrant whales by the boatload until they learned to avoid Dunedin. By the Read more...

OPINION: It's Looking Pretty Grim for Dunedin Students

Posted 1:46pm Saturday 26th February 2022 by Elliot Weir

I hate to add more doom and gloom to your day, but at the moment, it’s looking pretty grim for Dunedin students. If you’re reading this then you’re probably one of those students, and I don’t need to tell you. You’ve got emails, tiktoks, and an itchy feeling in the back Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 3:47pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Fuck your exams. Send it away, have a drink or 26. Don’t listen to logic or reason. You’re a party rocker and you’re in the house tonight. Summer activity: going on a three month bender   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Have courage in what Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Sinking Feeling

Posted 3:40pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Critic

Out Of Reach The knock at the door got me jumping off the bed in seconds. I ran down the stairs, excited to see her. My eyes lit up as I saw her. My new vibrator was just as I had imagined, a petite wee thing, exactly like her profile. I escorted her upstairs to my room. Things escalated quickly Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 3:34pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Sticking your head out of the car window with your mouth open. It’s NOT safe and I do not do it but it’s bloody brilliant #maincharacter Justifying massive and expensive Shein hauls just because you’re vegan (we all make mistakes ok). Even the most northern of Read more...

Rare Covid Strain Emerges In North D: Brovid-19

Posted 3:30pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Following an emergency 1pm presser this afternoon, the nation has been alerted to the emergence of a dangerous new strain of Covid. The outbreak is centered on Dunedin North, according to Minister of Finance and assistant Prime Minister Grant “Red Robbo” Robertson who told the Read more...

Booze Reviews | El Jimador Blaco

Posted 3:24pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Abraham Drinkin'

I bought my bottle of El Jimador Blaco on a Thursday afternoon, dreading the prospect of consuming the sheer volume of a full box of beers. While perusing the RTD section of Leith Liquor, inspiration struck me like a bolt of lightning: spirits were the answer to my problem. Pleased with my Read more...

EDITORIAL: Peace out

Posted 8:41am Sunday 10th October 2021 by Erin Gourley

Welcome to the last issue. I’m writing this on the final print night of Critic Te Arohi for 2021. We’ve made 26 issues of this magazine for you over the year. That means that I get to be nostalgic in this editorial. At the start of the year, 26 issues seemed like a lot. A lot of Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 12:39am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Alice Taylor

Chocolate Biscuit Fudge It’s getting to the time of the year when the finances are looking extremely scant, and the stress levels are high because of exams. This biscuit fudge recipe is perfect because it won’t break the bank. I find that fudge tends to be one of the best remedies for Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Serving our country

Posted 12:38am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Critic

With daylight savings creeping up, it’s time for me to reminisce on what I was doing this time last year. My lovely friend (we’ll call her Sophie) and I had decided to head to Christchurch, with hopes of pulling a pair of guys. After trying to shotgun a few too many drinks beforehand, Read more...