Archive

Science Tank | Inhale, Exhale

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Try to hold your breath as long as you can. How’d you go? 1 minute, 2? Pathetic. You’ve a long way to go, sport. The record for static apnea, also known as holding one’s breath, currently stands at a casual 11 minutes 54 seconds, and is held by Serbian Branko Petrović, who Read more...

Poetry Corner | The Redundant Executive Senior Lecturer (A 7 year university grant)

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Leah Macpherson

Practised fingers pluck each chord, the melody a fresh wave splattering sea water on the assembly of the elements Quick movements on multiple strings conjure the wind, a deep rumble, gusting southerly heart break Head tilts into the eye of the storm, eyes closed, mouth Read more...

Speight's Counts As One Of Your 5+ A Day

Posted 2:22pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

It’s hard to review Speight’s. It has so much meaning to so many people. It was the first beer my father ever gave me. It’s the beer that has fuelled Scarfies for generations. Would I say it’s the tastiest beer in the world? No. But it’s the beer that makes me think of Read more...

Lucky in Love | Pac Man & Ghost

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Pac Man I arrived at the Bog (such a masculine bar for two gay guys to meet!) respectfully Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Flattened by my flatmate

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Student Support

Hey there Ethel and Hyde, My flatmate reversed over my bag yesterday and now my laptop and my glasses are broken to the point they are completely unusable. I don’t have any insurance, and neither does my flatmate. I need both of those things to study! Please help.   Ethel and Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Fog

Posted 1:53pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Jon Anderson

He clung to the cold roofing iron and surveyed the land around him. It was clear but for the fog. He couldn’t see any movement among the old, tall buildings that sat, half-crumbled and smoking, and where he’d once been a student. His arms ached. He’d been up here all night. He Read more...

Sage Advice | Music

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy.” - Ludwig van Beethoven   Music is one of the many languages of the human soul, but, as Herr Beethoven points out, its profundity is surely of the highest order. This week I have been in contact with a local Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Burial

Posted 12:47pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

5/5 Burial is one of the greatest achievements of humankind, so great that once someone has achieved it they rarely feel motivated to do anything else.   Just consider what life was like before burial; we had dead bodies lying all over the place. They were everywhere: on the beach, in the Read more...

David Clark | Health and Education vs. Tax Cuts

Posted 11:18am Sunday 23rd July 2017 by David Clark

Under the National government, things have swung too far out of balance in our country. A small group of ultra-wealthy people continue to get ahead while everyday New Zealanders are running to stand still, or are being left behind. That deeply concerns me. No matter your background, everyone Read more...

Editorial | Don’t Blame Society’s Problems on Individuals - Help The Homeless

Posted 10:20am Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Joe Higham

As winter continues to hit Dunedin with everything it has, the reality of New Zealand’s housing issue is magnified. Many of us are very fortunate in that we are not constantly plagued by the same chill that others are exposed to on a daily basis, but with that position comes with an Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (July 17-23)

Posted 3:45pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Critic

This week calls for masses of celebration (I think that every week but this week holds true. I swear).   Monday 17 July – World Emoji Day, Yellow Pig Day Imagine a world where symbols of emotional expression used frequently in online communication were not adequately Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Tardigrades

Posted 2:59pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

For the last 500 million years, the micro-animal Hypsibius dujardini, otherwise known as tardigrades, have ruled our planet. If you’ve never even heard of these bad boys, then boy howdy it’s time to learn you. Measuring up to a whopping 1mm in length, their curious little three Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Sexual consent

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, So a couple of weeks ago I went to this big post-exam blow out party with my flatties. We preloaded at home and were on form when we arrived. I got talking with this guy I recognised from one of my classes. He was pretty flirty and after few more drinks he suggested we go Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Piss Baby

Posted 2:50pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Fanny Clive-Trevor

The contractions had started. The woman’s husband was at work, and she was at home, on maternity leave, waiting in boredom for the last weeks of her pregnancy to end. The thing she had longed for throughout the past eight months was beginning, but it was too soon. She had called her husband, Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | El Diablo Super Strong Brew

Posted 2:44pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

In all my years of exploring and analysing the finest alcoholic beverages New Zealand has to offer on the student budget, the one question I’ve gotten more than any other is: “What’s the grossest beer you’ve ever tasted?” I’ve drunk a red onion ale from Read more...

Lucky in Love | Manny & Fran

Posted 2:35pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Lovebirds

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 12.0px; font: 6.5px Helvetica} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} span.s2 {font: 7.0px Helvetica; font-kerning: none} Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in Read more...

Sage Advice | The City of Dunedin (Part I)

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“We run Dunedin and every other city in this nation. You can’t stop us, because you need us. Just let us do what we do, and nobody gets hurt.” - Dave, spokesperson of ‘The Workmen’ Dunedin chapter   Over the ages, the city of Dunedin has been home to many Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Gunpowder

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Rating: 4/5 Gunpowder was invented by the Chinese, along with everything else ever. Lots of people talk shit about gunpowder due to its unfortunate association with guns. However, such an association misses the fundamental essence of gunpowder: it smells really, really, really, good. It is a Read more...

David Clark | Warm dry housing and students

Posted 11:35am Sunday 16th July 2017 by David Clark

Every New Zealander should expect to be able to live in a warm dry house: students included. But, unfortunately many students still endure cold, damp and mouldy accommodation. I’m sure that isn’t news to many of you reading this column. Substandard living conditions contribute to poor Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 15

Posted 11:30am Sunday 16th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT is getting all down on optimism. The ODT gave up on its dream of being a dancer a long time ago.   Next, the ODT is worried. Deeply worried. It has lost its reflection. All it sees when it looks into the burnished bronze disk, the one that the Regions Read more...

Editorial | The Other Side

Posted 10:22am Sunday 16th July 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Liberals are a bunch of bike-riding, tree-hugging, whale-saving, big-government-promoting, tax-increasing, flip-flopping, wishy-washy, namby-pamby bedwetters. Conservatives are a bunch of meat-eating, game-hunting, tax-decreasing, hard-drinking, Bible-bashing, black-and-white-thinking, Read more...

Science Tank | Schrodinger’s cat & the double slit experiment

Posted 2:30pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

In 1935, an Austrian physicist named Erwin Schrödinger published his “Schrödinger's Cat” thought experiment to explain superposition (a quantum mechanics principle stating that something exists in all possible states until it is directly observed or measured, at which point Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Mould is the new tie-die

Posted 2:25pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Student Support

I’ve come back to my flat and thought I’d check for mould. What I found is so disgusting I can hardly bring myself to go to bed at night. My pillow is fully mouldy, the wall where my bed was against it is mouldy, and the sheets are mouldy where they were against the wall. I left my good Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Fire

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Rating: 1.5/5 Don’t believe the hype.   It is far too hot, and doesn’t come with a warning. When I attempted to pick it up, it caused nasty pain in my hand. Later, when examining a manual (that I had to download illegally), I learnt that you experience this painful Read more...

The Hell Hole | A Smothering Relationship

Posted 2:13pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Jessica Thompson Carr

I’ve been having strange dreams lately. When I moved into my flat I didn’t think twice about the trap door in my ceiling. It looked like it was for an attic, small and square, and it was sealed closed with paint. It didn’t have a handle. The semester proceeded normally. The Read more...

David Clark | Climate Change

Posted 2:10pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by David Clark

Sarah Thomson is a law student at Waikato University, and she’s currently challenging the government’s response to climate change. Her case is about the government’s failure to adjust policy following the signing of last year’s Paris accord. Under the Paris agreement, Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 14

Posted 2:07pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Poetry Corner | Leef

Posted 2:02pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Ariel Pons

autum is heer and leevs are brown once green on tree now they fal down   and so i see on path i tred in front of feets leevs gold and red   i like to step on leef with jump they make nice sound i lov the cronch   tho i tired and want of sleep i run in Read more...

Southern Gold Is the True Pride of the South

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Choo, Choo! It’s time to hop back on the steam train! After being gone from my beloved North Dunedin for two excruciating weeks, the only way to welcome my liver back to Dunners is with an entire tray of Southern Gold. It’s good old-fashioned fun that doesn’t require any of the Read more...

Sage Advice | The Open Road

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“The open road still softly calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood.” – Carl Sagan   This week I have been in contact with a wise genius, possessed of mind I can scarcely comprehend. I have reached a point in my life where I will treasure any good advice I Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (July 10-16)

Posted 12:51pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Critic

Welcome to semester two! I trust you all spent your holidays celebrating every special day despite this column’s absence. Without further ado, here’s what’s worth celebrating this week: Monday 10th July – International Town Criers Day & Don’t Step On A Bee Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 14

Posted 11:20am Sunday 9th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

 The ODT has spent the break deep in thought. The ODT is currently accepting submissions on the problem in the form of be-splattered tissues.   In other news, an isolated cabbage farmer struggled out of a nightmare in sheets lathered with sweat. “Oh no,” he Read more...

Editorial | The things we don’t talk about

Posted 10:29am Sunday 9th July 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Mel Ansell’s feature “Health Science: A Trial by Fire” is an expose on the pressure put on first year health-sci students and the effects the course can have on their mental health. The course needs to be difficult to make sure only the toughest, smartest people get through, but Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 13

Posted 2:19pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 13

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This is a disease resulting from the bite of a rabid dog, or from its licking an abraded portion of the skin, the chief characteristics of which are severe constriction about the throat; spasmodic action of the diaphragm; a peculiar difficulty of swallowing and consequent dread of fluids; anxiety Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 13

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Fanny Clive-Trevor

Nicole had recovered from her attack. The deodorant, once rinsed from her eyes and throat, didn’t seem to have done permanent damage. Her vision had been blurry for a couple of days, and her breathing tight, but now she was ok. Ok, except that she could not get the smell out of her room Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (May 29 - June 4)

Posted 2:01pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Critic

This week we welcome a chilly start to International Mud Month – with the rain we are having as I write this, I don’t doubt it will live up to its name.  Monday 29 May This must be my favourite day of the year: Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day. Not only is it perfectly Read more...

Poetry Corner | Issue 13

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

His wispy fingers fiddle with his penis flicking, scraping, brushing, bursting into imaginary mates with a phantom orgasm.  He clambers around his simple platform and ropes. His enclosure is the kindergarten of children looking in. Their breath pearls the glass.  I question the Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Issue 13

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Wee Doubt

By looking at a person’s hair you can make assumptions about their age, ethnicity, gender, occupation, political views, their taste in music, income, lifestyle, religion, health, and sexuality. All from something that makes you want to puke if you find it in your meal.  Hair matters. Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 13

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde I can see my breath in my room and all my clothes and bedding feel damp. I am ‘not allowed’ to use a heater because we all agreed to that at the start of the year. I’ve changed my mind, but don’t want to cause a fight. Please Read more...

Wild Buck is The Most Scullable Beer in The Country

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Wild Buck is beer from the good old days, when men were men, a spade was a spade, and it was possible to buy property in Auckland. There’s a genuine argument to be made that Wild Buck was specifically designed to be the most scullable beer in the country.  Understanding the brewing Read more...

David Clark | Issue 13

Posted 11:43am Sunday 28th May 2017 by David Clark

As a former Treasury analyst and someone with parents who have run their own businesses, I am sometimes asked how it came to pass that I stand with Labour. The answer is simple, but it requires a little unpacking. I believe in a shared prosperity. Everyone should share the benefits of a growing Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 11:28am Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT has discovered someone with superhuman powers. Of course, personally I prefer CEOs who remain firmly in the past, or, better yet, just sit and stare into space with profundity, and maybe a little drool.   Next, some people have had a rather unfortunate Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 10:21am Sunday 28th May 2017 by Lucy Hunter

I get into the odd conversation with someone about how illiterate our generation is becoming, because we don’t read novels and write letters anymore. And of course, about the destruction of grammar from the force that will surely end the world, text speak. Because it’s my job to fix Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 12

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Gum-Boil (Abscessus Alveolaris) This is a small abscess commencing in the socket of a tooth and bursting through the gum or even through the cheek. A cold may excite inflammation of the covering of the teeth, the diseased products of which are thus discharged. It may burst in the mouth, or even Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 12

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 12

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Beth Salisbury

I have worked at Dunedin’s famous Cadbury Factory for four years and it has been a blast. Cheap chocolate has its benefits on a squally Dunedin day, and I’m sad to see this job go. The people here have been great comrades and we have had many a laugh over the years. However, as I walk Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 12

Posted 2:16pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel & Hyde I’ve been having some flatting trouble. At first, I thought maybe I was overreacting, or that the stress of university was just hitting me a little bit hard. Then I started to keep track of things that were happening, and realised it wasn’t all in my head. One of Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Issue 12

Posted 2:11pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

According to the nice lady at Leith Liquor, we’re getting into the colder months and whisky can make a great winter warmer. So I took her advice and bought the cheapest bottle in the store. Burn Mackenzie is a great winter warmer in the same way that a house fire is a great way to heat your Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (May 22-28)

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Critic

Day of the Day It’s a special week of special days. Here’s what’s worth celebrating this week: Monday 22 May – Sherlock Holmes Day, Accounting Day and Goth Day. Never have three such concepts come together. Get out the eyeliner, the Netflix, and your tax returns Read more...