Inventions Out of Time | Fire

Inventions Out of Time | Fire

Rating: 1.5/5

Don’t believe the hype.

 

It is far too hot, and doesn’t come with a warning. When I attempted to pick it up, it caused nasty pain in my hand. Later, when examining a manual (that I had to download illegally), I learnt that you experience this painful sensation if you try to touch it at all. What use is that?

Now water, there’s an invention. Fish, waves, the distant cries of seabird, the faint hollowness of gazing out over twin horizons of blue: all top notch things associated with water. All I associate with fire is the large sore patch on my hand.

Proponents of fire laud its new ‘light’ feature, whereby you can see things in the dark. This is an awful feature. I have to look at the sides of my nose quite enough during the daylight hours without having to gaze at its bulbous immensity all night long as well. Thankfully no one has developed a kind of portable reflective surface yet. I stay away from quiet pools.

While the product itself is practically free, it has got to be sustained with near constant subscriptions of ‘wood’, which is where they really get you. Each piece of ‘wood’ lasts for hours at best, is expensive, bulky, and often contains wasps or spiders. However, I look forward to future releases if the designers can work out the bugs.

All in all, fire was just another of the disappointing half-thought-out releases that seem to have become staples of the tech sector. 

This article first appeared in Issue 14, 2017.
Posted 2:20pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin.