Hey there Ethel and Hyde,
My flatmate reversed over my bag yesterday and now my laptop and my glasses are broken to the point they are completely unusable. I don’t have any insurance, and neither does my flatmate. I need both of those things to study! Please help.
Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice.
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Oh dear, what a silly sausage your flatmate is! This is a terrible thing to happen and right near the start of semester too. Don’t panic though, because there are solutions. Studylink can help you cover the cost of glasses, and also help you pay for food if you have had to unexpectedly spend money on something which is essential to your study. To access this, make an appointment with Studylink. Also, there are two different funds which are available for situations like this where you have no other way of getting financial help. One is the OUSA Hardship Fund, which can grant up to $250, and the other is the Otago University Emergency Fund, which is somewhat more flexible with the amount which can be applied for. Your situation sounds like it would fit very well for one of these funds. To access these you need to talk to an advocate (what a silly word that is) at the OUSA Student Support Centre who will go through the application process with you to help you get a replacement for your laptop and your glasses. Don’t panic, help is at hand.
A SIGN, it’s a sign. Clearly your flatmate wants to be your minion now, so best you oblige by taking the lead on setting appropriate tasks for them to make up for it. It’s very important to let them know they will be groveling to you for the rest of their scUmbUcket lives in the form of Minion Duties, even after they have given you their laptop, which they will do iMMediately. Now you’ve a minion under your command, the way forward is as clear as the pus from my boil-lined armpit. TAKE OVER THE CITY! Their first job is to build a large wooden sheep on wheels with a cavity for two people, and four G-project G-Boom Bluetooth speakers which will pump out the most hypnotic trance beats ever. Minion – GET SPEAKERS NOW! Once set, get your sheep down to the Octagon and start the hypno-trance party and, after an hour or so, you will be able to lead the population to the harbor, where they will swim out, believing they are penguins, and YOU WILL BE IN CHARGE OF THE CITY! I will be waiting near the bridge with more instructions.