Dear Ethel and Hyde,
There’s this guy who eats tuna in the main library every day I am studying in there. It stinks and really distracts me from studying. I can’t stand it!
The library works hard to provide an environment which is study-friendly and will always support you in a complaint about behaviour in the library if informed. Their guidelines state, “Food that smells, is ‘noisy’ or is likely to be messy is not allowed”. Tuna definitely smells and shouldn’t be eaten in the library. I’m imagining you have your favourite spot in the library, and unfortunately it sounds like so does the tuna eater. If you cannot bring yourself to find a new spot, then the library staff would be happy to help you if you let them know. They can ask people to take their food outside if it’s impacting the environment you are all sharing. They’re also able to help if you notice someone’s left their belongings in a spot to hold it for too long. If you don’t want to inform the staff about other student’s behaviour, you have the option of politely approaching the person yourself and asking them to take their tuna outside because the smell is disturbing. You may not notice, but there will undoubtedly be silent applause from the others who are suffering in silence.
TUNA GUY you need a SMELL-O-KENNEL. Next time you throw your MINGIN’ JAWS around a fine sliver of the Mighty Tuna BEWARE cos just behind you someone might be ready to go with the Dogone Doozie of a SMELL-O-KENNEL. These can also be used to house smelly flatmates who are under some delusion that their aroma is fresh and fragrant. To prepare for production you will need 1 Bubble Umbrella, gaffa tape, a polythene grow tunnel from your local house with wares (don’t be afraid of the wares, they’ve had their teeth removed). Attach one end of the grow tunnel to the edge of the brolly. Wearing your best Movie Star disguise, perch yourself beside Tuna Guy’s spot and wait. The MOMENT the tin comes out, whack that brolly over his head and drop the tunnel on him. He is now safely enclosed in his own stench. Alternatively you could get in the pod and study in there, avoiding all the Special Odours squirming through the Ventilation System. Or, as a backup option, CBT – use something electrical.
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