Dear Ethel & Hyde
I’ve been having some flatting trouble. At first, I thought maybe I was overreacting, or that the stress of university was just hitting me a little bit hard. Then I started to keep track of things that were happening, and realised it wasn’t all in my head. One of my flatmates is always very rude, and sometimes downright aggressive, to me all the time and in lots of different ways. The other flatmates seem too scared to stand up to her, and often I feel like the whole flat is against me, even though I know this is not true because if she isn’t there it is very different. My family are worried for me because they can see I am getting more and more down. I don’t like going home now, but I don’t want to move either.
Any advice?
Respectfully,
Sunshine and Daisies
Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice.
Send your questions to:
ethelandhyde@ousa.org.nz
Ethel says:
Your flatmate’s a bully, and like all bullies wants to get a rise out of you to feel powerful and in control. Some of the worst things a bully can do are turn a group against you and undermine your confidence, but it can be reversed! Consciously avoid their bait by not reacting as they’re expecting you to. Although it may feel very personal, the bullying you are experiencing is a reflection of their insecurities and actually has nothing to do with you. Being brave and standing up to the bully in a careful and considered way is often the only and best way forward. To help this go smoothly it’s important to prepare for the encounter by scripting yourself. You need to be rational, not emotional when you speak with them to avoid getting pulled into their irrational, warped world. Thirdly, be specific when talking about what they’ve done. If you need support to set up this new way of dealing with them, come and see an advocate at OUSA Student Support on Ethel Benjamin Place.
Hyde says:
Biting through that bitches view could end up working out for you. Bringing her down a peg or two is what I’m gonna get you to do. (I’ve been drinkin’ rappin juice, hopin’ you can feel da tune.) Bullies feed on makin’ you blue, eatin up all your super cool, so let’s turn the tide by pushin’ her down the reality slide. Turn her behaviours back around, by namin’ them and shamin’ them – Yo, bitch, you mean to be that rude? Cos I’m thinking maybe your soul is sad and you’re hopin’ it’ll feel better if you act mad. But you got to know I ain’t bad, it’s just your sad eye view obscuring you from seeing what’s true, which is that I ain’t affected by your shit, in fact I’m just sick of the smell of it. Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Can’t touch this.