Archive

Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but it’s emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why it’s only as important as you make it out to be. Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say it’s a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by M and G

While strolling through the Octagon, M and G spied some eye-talian looking wicker tables and chairs between Ra Bar and The Craic. They curiously stumbled into Thistle like Edmond and Lucy into Narnia. The quiet café had a peaceful air with an enormous glitzy chandelier, polished wood, and Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, what comes to mind when you first think of genetic engineering? Crazy mutant fish with three eyes and wings? Mutated food that will turn you into half a plant when you eat it? Or maybe you think of evil businesses that rip off other farmers. Well, let’s clarify a few things. I wish I could tell Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

We all do weird shit during exam time. If your study regime includes eating copious amounts of tuna and drinking five triple-shot long blacks per day, by all means, continue. If you spend this week’s grocery money on pens from Smiggle because frankly Bic biros are balls, I understand this too. We Read more...

Love Online | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Hey girl how was your new years n christmas? HOpe u ddnt get upto too much mischif hehe Anyways im new here just having a nosey as im off work till 14 january so thougt id come here c if i can meet someone nice i could get to know n chill with have a laugh with, go for a drive at 1am to get Read more...

The Leek | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

In a startling exposé, conservationists observing the elusive Otago Scarfie have revealed that this species may be teetering on the brink of extinction. Results of an in-depth study carried out over the past three months have caused scientists to place Otago Scarfies on the “critically endangered” Read more...

Proctology | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Josie Cochrane

Proctology’s Hyde Street Special begins with a marketing student who attempted to gain work experience at Hyde Street after she ordered a batch of green wristbands online to sell for entry. Police were informed, intercepted the courier and subsequently delivered the wristbands to the girl’s house Read more...

Editorial | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

As you may have noticed, the cover of this week’s Critic is adorned with the mugshot of a criminal. He probably stole some pharmaceuticals. Damn that’s a smooth segue. Let’s talk pharmaceuticals. Not in the context of ranting about Big Pharma and how they’re conspiring to get the world Read more...

Love Online | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Tunnel Beach is Dunedin’s best worst-kept secret. It’s one of those places that makes every local nod if you ask them about it. Magically, though, Tunnel Beach never attracts the tourist hordes like St. Clair or even Sandfly Bay. The beach is located around eight kilometres from the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jess Cole

This week, the ODT essentially calls a world-renowned vet a sheep shagger. Meanwhile, things were “heating up” (lolzz) in Cromwell when the volunteer fire brigade was pulled out of the pub to attend to a patch of grass. But the action didn’t stop there, with the Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Last week we talked about how men’s members measure up, shedding some light on what an “average” dick actually is. And while, much like a Health Sci, we tried to dress it up in a lab coat and pretend it was medically relevant, it was ultimately a column stating “It’s not the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, records and computers go bad, but the Internet does all right. 23 April 1564: William Shakespeare was allegedly born. The exact date of his birth isn’t known, because somebody in the eighteenth century wrote their records down wrong, but he was baptised on the 26th so people Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Young people struggle with identity issues. Things would be much easier if humans were hive-minded beings of singular purpose (probably galactic conquest), but we aren’t. We are billions of young and often directionless moulds, which is why our Facebook “inspirational people” are actually kind of Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by M and G

2/5 Coffee Cups After the vodka, gin, jelly shots, scrumpy, Pulse, and beer of Hyde Street keg party, M and G needed a coffee and a pie to rinse away the regret of the day. Early on Sunday morning, they crawled into the car and drove around until they found themselves at the BP on the way to Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Bryony Leeke

It’s time for a column about evolution. Don’t worry, I’m not going to preach about the problem with creationism – that debate has been going on for years, and by this point most people know evolution is real, and a few will never be convinced otherwise. Aside from the occasional “Challenge to Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Elsie Stone

Lectures can be pretty dicey – they force a room full of strangers to tolerate each other for hours at a time. Some of us are happy, most of us are pissed off. Some of us are actually listening to what the lecturer says, most of us are doing more important things (like sleeping). The potential for Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. if this Read more...

Failient | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

The title of this week’s Salient was “Offensive?” The answer was a resounding “No.” Nothing in this issue offended anyone. Attached is a list of mild, inoffensive content: 1) Crass sexual jokes about Christians, specifically: nuns. About as edgy as ripping out Rebecca Black or the Westboro Read more...

The Leek | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

With a startlingly low nine arrests made by Dunedin police at this year’s Hyde Street Keg Party compared to last year’s 15, it appears that students have really cleaned up their act under threat of discontinuance of Hyde Streets for years to come. Or have they? After talking with the gallant police Read more...

Editorial | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

8.30am – Arrived at Allpress for all-important coffee. Refused to reveal who wrote the “Cutest Barista in the World” letter in Issue 06. Critic always protects its sources. 9am – Downed some beers and novelty shots outside Leith Liquor with the Critic team to “take the edge off.” Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

ClydeI was already a few beers down when I arrived at Moon Bar. As I sat down, the girl across the table from me was no moonface – she had flowing raven hair, and was looking sexy and sophisticated in a dark blue winter coat and chesnut Italian leather ankle boots. I knew immediately that I wanted Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! It’s a subject that we talk about all the time, but never actually discuss: tiny todgers. Judging by word of mouth, all men have a larger-than-average dick. This makes me wonder when the hell a members’ bill was passed redefining the word “average” to something other than what Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week one of the better-remembered Kings of England takes the throne, which makes up for not much else actually happening. 21 April, 1509: The 18-year-old Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England and started causing trouble. His first order of business was to change his mind about who Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Why are some LGBT against gay marriage? Some of them commented on my Facebook red equals sign DP saying they didn’t like it. The Facebook “paint the town red” marriage equality thing was a Human Rights Campaign initiative, which is why your more sceptical liberal might not be on board. The Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by M and G

The Good Oil is like a female PE student. Her exterior has some seriously good assets that make you really want to come inside, but soon you discover just how thick and douchey she is and decide you have no time for her. This basically describes M and G’s relationship with the not-so-Good Oil. Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

It just got bloody cold. It’s dark when you wake up. The assignments are piling up. Mid-semesters are looming. Do you have the winter blues? Surprise! It’s a real thing. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that hits about 6% of people every winter, especially in places with Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

#1. The issue with snacks in the library is that the sound of other people eating is one of the most aggravating noises in the world. The sound of crinkling wrappers or an apple crunching stirs a very dark rage in the core of my being. But snacktime is also the best meal ever invented (apart from Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

You don’t need me to tell you that New Zealand is beautiful. Everyone from Prince Charles to Bear Grylls can tell you as much. But just because you grew up here and you occasionally holiday in the Coromandel doesn’t mean you’ve truly appreciated New Zealand’s crazy-good nature bits. So, during your Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jess Cole

As any keen cunthunter in Monkey can attest, getting it in two holes is indeed fortunate. Later, the ODT celebrated the cultural submergence of some singing students, despite the fact that a visit to the Chinese Gardens prepares you for Beijing like NCEA prepares you for the real Read more...

Love Online | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Failient | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

1) Salient’s sixth issue was on the theme of “Communication”. So when they devoted two full pages to an interview with a guy who gave a masterclass in how to use lot of words to say absolutely nothing, maybe it was an attempt at irony. Sample answer: “If you recognise the sacredness of every Read more...

The Leek | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Across the nation this week, supermarkets, grocery stores, dairies, and even the more extensively stocked gas stations have experienced a crippling shortage of eggs. Finding repeatedly that their egg orders were not being filled, some stockists became simultaneously incensed and curious, and Read more...

Proctology | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Zane Pocock

Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dunedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm Read more...

Love Online | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Editorial | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

I’m always up for a solid money-making rort. My car is adorned with dozens of parking receipts, designed to deter parking wardens from checking whether I have actually paid for parking on a given day. If I do pay for parking, I only buy 10 cents’ worth, limiting my liability to a $10 “expired Read more...

The Leek | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Amid tight government funding, falling enrolments and increased operational costs, the University of Otago has had to accept a rather tight budget for 2013 in order to continue to provide students with the high-quality services we’ve grown so accustomed to. At a University Council meeting, Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Erma Dag

Some people want a ritzy inner-city apartment, in which they can recline on a bespoke eight-seater couch upholstered in the finest polar bear pelt, snort mountains of cocaine, and sit on their balcony dining on poached Galapagos tortoise and stroking their pet snow leopard while observing the plebs Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If your only means of getting out of the ghetto any time soon is the old waewae express, look no further than Dunedin’s local Mount Lee (that’s where the famous Beverley Hills Hollywood sign calls home). Signal Hill is a prominent finger of hilly goodness that rises sharply up from the Harbour, just Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Jess Cole

The ODT sought to get right amongst the spirit of the holidays, reporting on key Easter issues such as the number of New Zealanders who claimed rabbit, egg, and hot cross bun-related injuries last year. Apparently (incorrectly) assuming their average reader has an intelligence level Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

By now, many of you have probably fallen victim to the infamous Fresher Flu. With winter soon approaching, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is the (real) flu as well as the cold. The best thing you can do to help get you through, flu-free, is to grab yourself a flu shot. And before you stop Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

This week I’m going to try to help some of you poor ignorant wretches out there who are embarrassing themselves on Facebook. We are young students, frequently engaging in shenanigans and debauchery, often vomiting in public places and having awkward sexual experiences – our lives are pretty Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Weclome back! While home for the holidays, many readers would have gotten the “how’s uni?” and this week’s column is all about that question. Rather than the usual grunted “fine,” I want to get deep about it; deeper than a deep sea diver with a massive knob gets inside his Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, a masterpiece is uncovered, and science prevails. April 8, 1820: On a small Aegean island that nobody had previously heard of, a peasant discovered a statue that would subsequently become one of the most famous pieces of ancient Greek art ever. It is now called the Venus de Milo, Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I don’t understand this gender/sex difference you keep going on about. A person’s sex is male, female, or intersex; is biological; and dictates the form a body will take. Wait! I know someone is reading this and assuming this means that being feminine/masculine is an inescapable fate! And you! Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by M and G

On St Patrick’s Day M and G thought it would be a fab idea to do wine before nine. With two pinot gris down and stomachs roaring they drunkenly staggered with the flat down to The Bog – a must on St Paddy’s. Stumbling through the door, their noses were assaulted with the scent of bacon and Guinness. Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this Read more...

The Leek | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

You’ve all heard of “fresher flu.” It’s the reason you can’t make it to classes/hand in your essay on time, and has recently been responsible for reducing the average number of lecture attendees to 3.5. Yes, we all fear catching the inevitable illness spread by filthy freshers crawling all over each Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Erma Dag

Imagine you get a new job. You sit in a room all day with a book containing a detailed code. Occasionally, a piece of paper is pushed under the door with indecipherable squiggles written on it, and you must find these squiggles in your book of code. The book will then direct you to write a new set Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Last week we talked a bit about STIs and, like herpes, that’s a topic that will be coming back in the future. For now though we’re treating STIs like Dexies and shelving them for a bit. This week I want to talk about a bigger topic. A much bigger topic: fatties. That’s right, Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, there is some very bad behaviour and a serious conflict about punctuation. 27 March, 1915: Public health authorities arrested and quarantined Mary Mallon, who is better known as Typhoid Mary, so named because she was the first known healthy carrier of typhoid fever. Because of her Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If you feel like getting out of the ghetto in pun-tastic style, look no further than OUTram (get it?). This fine town lies not far OUTside Dunedin City – in fact, Wikipedia reckons it’s actually a suburb of Dunedin, despite being 30km along the road towards Middlemarch. There’s not Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Jess Cole

Ironically, given the ODT’s penchant for terrible puns, they found grounds to mock some other publications in their Weekend story, “Pig on a Mission”: Clearly gutted to have missed out on the opportunity to utilise any of the above hilarious titles, the ODT relegated this story to the Read more...

Love Online | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Talking loudly and incessantly at people, sadly, can’t always solve some problems. Here are some private issues answered, so you don’t have to talk to people you actually know about your sordid secrets. So my best mate just came out, what if he has a crush on me? What do I do? I’m not into Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by M and G

Many of you caffiends may be familiar with The Fix café on Frederick Street, but you may surprised to find there is a hidden kiosk in the Centre for Innovation – the large mirrored building that you check your outfit in on your way to class. It’s a small kiosk with the same outdoor tables as St Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Bryony Leeke

If you’ve been to any of the cafés about town lately, I’m sure you will have observed the following puzzling phenomenon: the letters “GF” on various cakes and menu items. No, that doesn’t stand for “available on girl-friend bread”; those little letters mean “gluten-free.” “Of course!” you say. Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

Mark Wahlberg once made an awful movie about Earth taking revenge on humanity because it was pissed off about global warming. So, every time a special wind blew, people everywhere compulsively committed suicide. I’m reminded of that movie whenever I see a Public Display of Affection, because the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Sam McChesney

Hi. My name is Sam, and I’m not the editor of Critic. Callum Fredric, the real editor, was recently involved in a tragic accident. Mere days after recklessly writing “YOLO” as his official religion on the census, Callum lost both of his miniature hands in a freak alligator-feeding accident. Read more...

Love Online | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

The Leek | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

A visit to King’s High School to discover more about their new King’s Men’s Society class for developing better men has inspired OUSA to begin providing a program that focuses on developing better party girls. The class, dubbed “Tips for Tricks,” aims to prepare first-year girls for the next three Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Erma Dag

Hegel was one of the most grandiose, self-important philosophers of all time. He believed that he had literally unlocked the secrets of the universe and devised a system for understanding history, politics, morality and human psychology. He inspired thinkers from Marx to Sartre and enraged others Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! In a recent poll of the two guys with me at lunch, less than 50% of them had had a recent STI check despite being sexually active outside of a long-term relationship. I know epidemiology isn’t my strong suit, but I’m fairly sure the results of this incredibly scientific study Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, some extensive travel is involved, and we get a city out of it. 23 March, 1848: After an apparently uneventful three-month journey, the first Scottish settlers arrived in Port Chalmers and founded a city they called Dunedin. The name was derived from the fairly unpronounceable Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I’ve had a couple of people this past week mention feminism and the International Women’s Day to me in angry tones. I couldn’t figure out exactly what was enraging them so – maybe a Jezebel.com moderator replied snarkily to one of their comments – but there’s something in the water, for sure. I’m Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by M and G

Doc has been a campus favourite for a few years now. He first popped onto the scene in 2011 in the garage space underneath Clubs and Socs, after increasing popularity he shifted up Albany next to Rob Roy Dairy, and recently he moved further down George St opposite Knox Church. Doc is known Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Come young fresher, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The best thing about living in Dunedin actually has nothing to do with Dunedin at all. The real treat lies a bit to the West and a touch to the North of our fine city: the magically hot-in-summer, ski-perfect-in-winter, Lord-of-the-Rings Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Rest in peace, bitch. And now, the worst pun of the year to date: Perhaps aware that they'd taken things too far, the ODT published a montage of readers reacting to the pun: BNZ is smashing the glass ceiling, and the ODT's photographer got all the female Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, we’re a few weeks into the year now, and all of a sudden reality is knocking at the door. How about those assignments? Don’t tell me lies, I know you’ve left it to the last minute to prepare that presentation, and you’ve been up until 3am finishing that essay. So when the going gets tough, what Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

The first few weeks in a new flat are the absolute best: there’s nothing like a month of endless pillow fort-making, Game of Thrones marathons and flat trips to the Satay Noodle House to give you that warm fuzzy feeling of general happiness and optimism (“Yeah! We are going to do the dishes after Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column is back for another year of shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to a bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds Read more...

Proctology | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Zane Pocock

Proctology kicks off this week with those perennial troublemakers, Campus Watch. After hearing on Police radio that the occupants of an abandoned vehicle were wanted, our Guardian Angels took it upon themselves to look around “just in case they could see them.” They decided to check around some Read more...

Editorial | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Themed issues are so 2012. But retro is making a comeback, so welcome to the Fashion Issue. Know what else is in right now? Gay marriage. Parliament just voted in favour of the bill at its second reading. Good for them. I would have voted in favour too. But I can’t help feeling Read more...

Love Online | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

The Leek | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

An impulse buy at the end of a flat shopping trip at South Dunedin’s Pak ‘n’ Save has left four lucky second-year commerce boys reeling as their Lotto Powerball ticket landed them $20 million last week. The blokes decided to split the cost of a Powerball ticket after one fellow noticed that Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Erma Dag

In case you have not yet had the misfortune to watch it, Harlem Shake is a new worldwide video meme which is TOTES FUNNY OMG. The meme is a series of 30-second clips. Each begins with one person dancing alone (and badly) to an electronic tune. This person is surrounded by people who, instead of Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, the Internet’s ascent hits a milestone, and scientists continue to claim each other’s ideas. 12 March, 1894: In the small and otherwise unassuming city of Vicksburg, Mississippi, Coca-Cola was bottled and sold for the first time. It had originally enjoyed a career as a coca wine, Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! A wise old man (who happens to be my boss so I should probably go back and replace “old” with something less pejorative) once posed the question, “how do you boil a live frog?” Allegedly it’s by slowly turning the heat up. As my wise, devilishly handsome, and incredibly Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Hey kids! By now, you’ve probably got to know your neighbours and classmates a bit better, made some new friends (and/or enemies), and experimented with alternative lifestyle choices, such as substance abuse or wearing long pants in summer. You might have spotted a few of Dunedin’s less mainstream Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by M and G

On the weird little road opposite Super Liquor central and the Hunter Centre sits Allpress, the headquarters of Allpress beans. Not only do they serve a brilliant bitter brew, they roast their own beans on site. Fresh. Prepare yourself to be served by ice queens who scorn all students that Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The heady exploits of O-Week are now a hazy memory, lectures aren’t preliminary any more, and the icy charms of a Dunedin autumn have well and truly arrived here in the student ghetto. You may think it’s time to curl up in a ball, survive exclusively on mi goreng and milo, and await the release of Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

On Tuesday, the day before the Dunedin cricket test was due to start, the ODT decided to tempt fate. Rain washed out the entire first day of the test. As this column went to print on Wednesday night, the exact magnitude of the ODT’s fuckup was yet to be determined. And now, Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

“... I’ve just been cutting onions. I’m making a lasagne ... for one ...” As the Flight of the Conchords song goes. But why? Why do onions make you bawl like Mufasa just died, and how can you make it stop? Science, bitches, has the answer. Onions have little packets of enzymes inside each Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

This week, whilst waiting in the depressingly long Uniprint line, I had the misfortune of overhearing a conversation between two self-professed “buzzy cunts” as they loudly tried to outdo each other with stories of their drug-fuelled escapades from the weekend. The thing that struck me about these Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column is back for another year of shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to a bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds Read more...

Editorial | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dear John Key, You probably don’t know me, John. I’m not like you, you see. I’m not the sort of person you generally hang out with. I’m not a rich, pinstripe suit-wearing banker or a slick corporate lobbyist. I’m just a regular guy, John. The sort of guy your government fucked Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic still doesn’t have a sponsor for the infamous Blind Date column. If you own a restaurant and want to gain publicity off the back of hilarious hookup attempts, hit us up at critic@critic.co.nz. If you want to go on a blind date, email your details to news@critic.co.nz. In the meantime, we gave Read more...

The Leek | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Following a rash of break-ins by intoxicated students at the Botanic Gardens over the past two weeks, Dunedin City Council officials have been forced to take extreme measures to put an end to these hijinks. The beautiful Botanic Gardens are open year-round to the public, but the gates are locked Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Erma Dag

On Tuesday 5 March, make YOLO your official religion in the New Zealand census, safe in the knowledge that you have sound philosophical reasons behind you. YOLO is much more than just 2012’s most annoying new catchphrase, the bane of A&Es nationwide or the butt of such ruthless deconstruction Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Bryony Leeke

Human beings are capable of some pretty weird things when it comes to sex, as attested by the sordid tales of sexual misadventure to be heard on the North Dunedin grapevine. But the sleazy stories you overheard at your Monday morning lecture are nothing compared to the crazy copulations that go on Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Elsie Stone

Consider this my deep and sincere apology for not wanting to have sex with you. I feel like such a frigid bitch because you got nothing in return for all the nice things you did for me last night. Remember when I walked past your flat? You were outside with all your friends, playing Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week scientific progress abounds, and a cultural icon is born. 6 March, 1869: Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first periodic table to the Russian Chemical Society, which was particularly impressive because he’d left spaces for elements that apparently didn’t exist. The relevant Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi Everybody! So last week we talked about GPs and the importance of finding a good one. If you haven’t gone out and done that yet, consider this column plussage, because we’re gonna follow on from there today. Underpinning what makes a docotor “good” is their relationship with you. As Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

A lot of why I wanted to do this column had to do with illuminating words and phrases that can be problematic; words like “fag” and “bitch,” that kind of thing. Over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve noticed that it’s sometimes the less outrageously vulgar insults that can pack more of a sting. Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by M and G

You may know Green Acorn as the café you stare at mindlessly whilst studying on the south side of Central Library, nestled alongside Sushi Station and Poppa’s Pizza. G hadn’t heard great things about the place so went in with extremely low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. The elderly Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The windswept esplanade of St. Clair is the beach-du-jour default for Dunedin residents and new Scarfies alike. Activities abound: marvel at the giant swathes of seaweed lazing about in piles on the sand, observe while the hardy Southern surfers navigate the waves in their foot-thick Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Critic hasn’t renewed its subscription to the ODT yet, partly because we don’t want to contribute 95 cents per day to extensive coverage of the Strath Taieri Collie Club’s centennial trials in Middlemarch and obsessive campaigns against K2. So we stole a copy of Wednesday’s ODT from Radio One and Read more...

Love Online | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...