Columns

Proctology kicks off this week with those perennial troublemakers, Campus Watch. After hearing on Police radio that the occupants of an abandoned vehicle were wanted, our Guardian Angels took it upon themselves to look around “just in case they could see them.” They decided to check around some bushes, and after hearing a noise that sent them deeper into the undergrowth, someone yelled, “come out or I’ll let the dog in!” This of course was directed at them, and nearly resulted in Campus Watch’s first mauling by a Police dog, not to mention yet another case of messy undies.

As for students, a recent problem has arisen with second-years returning to “their” room at “their” College at 3am after having “seven jugs,” and are apparently “bewildered” at why they would possibly be told they’re “not wanted and not loved and to go away.”

The Proctor has also been visiting student flats, with noise complaints registered everywhere from the central city to Maori Hill and up to Opoho. “We are spreading far and wide,” he says.

He points out that although Red Cards may be fun, the organisers can be held responsible if people do dangerous, criminal or self-harming acts. “They’re made to do a bong, a keg stand and then some fandango in a kilt in front of Robbie Burns, which is okay, but there’s usually something between here and Robbie Burns they do which is stupid.” You have been warned.

And finally, the Proctor recently learned that in America, one can smash bottles all over the street wherever one wants. He learned this from an American student who was doing the same deed here, but speculates, “I don’t think she was telling the truth.”