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“A number of our University departments have tea, bikkies and cakes in their tea rooms,” the Proctor kicked off this week, “and they noticed that these were going faster than normal.”

After obtaining in-house CCTV shots of lone figure pilfering the delicacies, Campus Watch heard a shower going whilst walking around campus one night. Thinking it odd, the Watchers entered to find a young man had been living on campus.

“He was a student quite some years ago, isn’t anymore, and I think things have got to him. Now he’s got an appointment with the courts and won’t be coming back to University for a while,” the Proctor told Critic.

“Another resident of Dunedin was found walking out of the Central library with a laptop and some sunnies,” the Proctor continued. “As it happened, the owner of the gear was coming back as he was walking out with it, to whom the gear-grabber said, ‘Oh, is this yours? I was picking it up and giving it to my mate, I thought they were his.’

“We’ll see if the judge believes that one,” the Proctor concluded.

In College news, one group of freshers were “quite startled when they were sitting there watching TV in the common room and a naked man wandered in, sat down, and said he was there to watch Dr. Who. Campus Watch was called and they gave the man a towel, commenting “He was obviously in need of the time police, so we called them, and now he’s getting some help at a mental health agency.”

The Proctor’s final piece of advice was to “be careful fetching balls from roofs. One young lass was up on the roof and went through a skylight. Luckily she wasn’t injured, but unluckily it will cost her more than $500 for the damage.” Wise words indeed – may this be a lesson to us all to keep our balls within reach at all times.