Archive

Skuxx Food | Lemon, Leek and Pea Risotto

Posted 2:25am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Cleanskin wine is more than a golden dollar-to-standard drink ratio, it's a valuable ingredient. When you actually decide it's gross and can’t drink it anymore, you can use it to make a bangin’ risotto the next day! So versatile! Serves 5 people Ingredients:  1 onion, Read more...

Fuck it, Minions Editorial

Posted 11:21pm Friday 8th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

God, I can’t believe there’s minion content in the magazine. I’m so sorry. It’s not always like this. I play this game where I try to go 24 hours without seeing a minion. I have not won the game, and now that you’ve joined the game, the curse is upon you too. So, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Goon, blood, and lies

Posted 7:29pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

WARNING: This story is extremely chaotic but feels too good not to share. As this story has come up at numerous kickons, and has haunted me for the past year, I feel it is my duty to publicly confess the fateful events that happened that night. I’m sorry in advance.  Picture a Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 13

Posted 7:24pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Sometimes, you need to take some time out for yourself. Things have been rough, and you’ve been going through it. But just remember, there is light at the end of this tumultuous tunnel.  Exam de-stress: a walk in the botans.   Pisces Feb 19 Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 7:10pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image provided by Elias. We got last week’s entry correct, the photos from Joe were taken at Cecil King’s Hut in Kahurangi National Park and the Khemarin Palace in Cambodia. You can’t hide from Critic, Joe. First Thoughts: Looks like Tatooine. I’m Read more...

Booze Review | Estrella Damm

Posted 7:05pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Chug Norris

Estrella is a beer like no other – except every other beer in Europe. It is Spanish, it is mild like the Mediterranean climate, and for some reason every bottle is shaped like a wine bottle – probably to deceive the Spanish to believe they are still drinking a grape-based beverage. Read more...

Skuxx Food | Peanut noodle salad

Posted 7:00pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A genuinely easy noodle salad that only leaves you with a few bowls to clean in the end. I hope you have a lot of peanut butter. Serves 6. Ingredients:  Salad:  Around 200 grams of rice stick noodles  1 tablespoon of sesame oil 450 grams frozen edamame beans, Read more...

Editorial: Video Game Underwear

Posted 4:14pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

We all know that women’s armour in video games is absurd. You’ve got a whole-ass knight in shining armour with a flaming sword facing off against a witch who’s wearing essentially a few leaves and a vine. Lara Croft is in a tank top, and don’t even get me started on Mortal Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Silent but Deadly

Posted 6:23pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Picture this: it’s a Friday night (or rather Saturday morning), I’ve had a few cheeky beverages and I’m messaging a hot guy on Snapchat. I swiped right on him on a dating app and we hit it off pretty quickly. Now onto the story. I was surrounded by some friends in a very public Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Ultimate Frisbee

Posted 6:18pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Sorry OUUC, this isn’t what you think. Take a seat, but watch where you put your ass because this is going to be explosive…  Recently, my friends and I went on a romantic getaway for the weekend to a remote location. Tunes were pumping, bevvies were flowing, mosquitos were Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 12

Posted 6:15pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Pencil some quality time into your schedule, Aquarians. You deserve to do something fun, wholesome and happy this week.  Snack craving: Twisties.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Things have been emotionally heavy for you these past few weeks, but Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 3:15pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week we have a submission from Joe, who asked if he was “safe from Big Government if I ran away into the bush? Or can someone with an internet connection find me?” We’ll find out. We got the last submission correct, Blanford was indeed outside the US Botanical Read more...

The Tell-Tale Can

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Edgar Allen Poon

True! I am a thief, but I am not mad, just an alcoholic with a guilty conscience. I found myself out of piss and fairly sober at a party. Across the table from me lay, apparently unattended, an unopened and immaculate DoBro. So ice cold and refreshing, covered in condensation all along its red Read more...

Skuxx Food | Thai Red Curry Noodle Soup

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Impress your flatties with this easy and flavourful noodle soup to ease you into the colder weather. Swap out the chicken for red meat if you prefer and use any vegetables you like. Or make it fully vegetarian/vegan by swapping meat for tofu and using soy sauce instead of fish sauce! Serves Read more...

Local Produce | H2yo

Posted 1:56pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Molly Willis

With plans to hydrate the world one liquor store at a time, Dunedin locals Anthony Tep, Silas Kemp, Tom Gallagher and Riley Coughlin kicked off the launch of their RTD brand H2yo on Friday the 13th of May at Leith Liquor.   H2yo BLUE is a 5-ingredient alcoholic beverage that mimics the taste Read more...

Editorial: My Mum Talks About Abortion Rights

Posted 4:43pm Saturday 21st May 2022 by Fox Meyer

Abortion rights in the USA are in jeopardy, so I called someone who I knew could talk about this from a place of experience: my mum. The rest of this editorial is a transcript of that call. I’ve experienced all of the reproductive possibilities of what happens when you have a vagina and Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 11:03am Monday 16th May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by a Mr. Blanford, who said “sorry for the poor quality, I took this photo on the piss five years ago”. We got last issue’s submission correct, after about a month of crying about how hard it was. Shar was indeed at Ki Monastery, Lahaul and Read more...

Local Produce | Midnight Caffeine

Posted 9:35am Monday 16th May 2022 by Nina Brown

Midnight Caffeine is made up of lead lyricist and vocalist Zi, guitarist and producer Raine, drummer Hayden and bassist Ollie. The band found their name in the delirious aftermath of a late-night caffeine-fueled study grind: the true mark of a (mostly) ex-student band. Critic Te Arohi spoke with the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Satan's Little Helper

Posted 9:20am Monday 16th May 2022 by Critic

Buckle the fuck up folks, cos I’m bout to learn y’all a thing or two about sex, tequila, and Satanism.  Against my better judgement, I caved and decided to hook up with a fuckboy Satanist over break. He was gorgeous – black hair, different coloured eyes, ripped as fuck Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 11

Posted 10:20pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Please, for the love of God and your liver, stop abusing so many substances. Do you want to make it to Hyde? Instrument to learn: the banjo.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s time to sit and think about the next step. What does the future Read more...

Asahi Super Dry

Posted 10:12pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Chug Norris

Asahi Super Dry is a very nice beer. “Asahi”, you say, “Isn’t that the enormous multinational that owns just about anything that you can put your lips around? [insert dick joke here]”. Why yes, yes it is, fictional booze review enjoyer, but that is not to say we Read more...

Skuxx Food | Baked honey soy chicken

Posted 9:20pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A wholesome little meal to take you and the flat back to those simple childhood dinners. Your mum isn’t even here to tell you that you have to have veggies with your chicken, so go nuts.  Ingredients:  1.6-1.8 kg chicken drumsticks or chicken thighs (bone in) 2 red onions, cut Read more...

Local Produce | Swarles

Posted 9:16pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by George DeMarco

Ollie Whiley, under the alias ‘Swarles’, is breaking on to the Dunedin scene with music that captures moments of heartbreak, lust, and ecstasy. Critic Te Arohi caught up with Ollie to chat about his freshly released self-titled EP, the spectrum of genres that influence his sound, and his Read more...

Editorial: Your Taylor Swift Hate is Weird, Actually

Posted 1:15pm Saturday 14th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

You don’t have to like Taylor Swift, but it’s weird how vehemently some dudes will hate, hate, HATE Taylor Swift. Almost like they need you to know how much they hate her because otherwise they’re not a man, or something. It’s weird, and it’s super toxic.  I Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Shit happens

Posted 3:10pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Critic

It all started on a normal Friday night in North Dunedin. Plenty of drinks deep, and the night started to quiet down. My flat mate and I are the last ones standing, we’re chilling in the lounge anticipating our next move. One of her old friends visiting Dunedin arrives with another one of his Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 10

Posted 2:40pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 If there’s one thing you need, it’s self control. Make sure to check yourself and reel it in every now and again.  Artistic activity: screenprinting an old item of clothing.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Is it hyperfixation? Is it an ego Read more...

El Diablos

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Chug Norris

El Diablos are no ordinary beer. They are an ancient artefact of likely Satanic provenance that hails from a time before creation itself. They appear at random times in random locations throughout New Zealand and prey on unsuspecting souls, drawn like moths to a flame by the sinister patterns Read more...

Skuxx Food | Israeli couscous and roast vegetable salad

Posted 2:25pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A very skuxx salad that you can make at the start of the week and have for lunches or combine with a meat of choice for dinner. Swap out or add any roast vegetables of your choosing.  Serves 6 Ingredients:  2 cups of Israeli couscous  1 bag of baby spinach, roughly Read more...

Local Produce: Dollhouse Theatre Company

Posted 2:23pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Jamiema Lorimer

Dollhouse is a new Ōtepoti-based theatre company, founded by Ryan Hartigan and Jordan Wichman. It was created to fill the space between community and professional theatre, a gap that many recent grads struggle to cross. Jordan completed her honours year of her Bachelor of Performing Arts in Read more...

Local Produce | Te Oraka: Student-run Thrift Store

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Nina Brown

The old Unipol weights room on Anzac Ave has been transformed into a sustainability hub for students by the Sustainability Office and their team of tetekura (student leaders), including Maddy, Lizzy, Gerry, Annabelle, John and Jesikah (office team lead). Already open Tuesdays and Thursdays 11-1pm, Read more...

Editorial: What is Art, Really?

Posted 2:29am Sunday 8th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

Someone once told me that art is like porn: you know it when you see it. And I think that’s true.  Of course, art is subjective. You might not like it, even if other people do. Most of our art comes from our art team, and quite a bit of it comes from student submissions, who want to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Not now, Dad

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Critic

I was 18, in my last summer before University. The horny was strong, and my teenage years had been bone-dry, so I wanted some experience before heading down south. I started seeing a guy, John, from my school. After the second date, he begged me to take his virginity. I declined. Then, in what Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 9

Posted 2:51pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There may have been some people leaving your life recently, but just know, you are probably better off without them. Onwards and upwards, my friends.  Conspiracy to research: Did the Crown kill Diana?   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Wreak havoc. Read more...

Kiwi Lager

Posted 2:46pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Chug Norris

In an attempt to reintroduce another salt of the earth NZ brew, DB have re-released Kiwi Lagers. Kiwi Lagers are so incredibly average and so unjustifiably expensive that the only people drinking this will be the 40-year-olds that drank this beer when they still had hopes and dreams of doing Read more...

Skuxx Food | Hoisin Tofu and Vermicelli Noodle Salad

Posted 2:45pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A recipe for the vegans and veggies out there – if you don’t like tofu, simply swap out for a meat of your choice.  Serves 4 Ingredients:  100 grams vermicelli noodles  2 carrots, shredded  1 cucumber, thinly sliced ¼ red cabbage, thinly Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, it is my pleasure to say that we have an image supplied Shar. This means it is finally in the magazine, which means we’ve finally gotten it. We got last issue’s submission correct: Daniel was at Mr Tuck Kee’s Curry Puff stand, in Pudu, Kuala Lumpur.  First Read more...

OUSA Student Executive Creates New Crypto Bro Position on Executive

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

OUSA Finance and Strategy Officer Emily has been crunching the numbers on how to survive the next fiscal year, and came to the conclusion that they are in trouble. In order to combat this, she is introducing the Crypto Executive Position, which starts in two weeks. The new position is already being Read more...

“Free Thinker” Millennial Wonders Who Really Built the Pyramid Scheme She Joined

Posted 2:11pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

“Look, I don’t want the liberal PC media woke brigade to cancel me,” said Ms A. Von to Critic Tribune, “but if you take a closer look at the culture behind, y’know, pyramid schemes, something doesn’t add up,” she concluded, with all the authority of someone Read more...

Conspiracy Theory Pinboards Behind Newfound Love of Fibre Art

Posted 2:10pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Local man Hugh Anon, a voracious Facebook disinformer, has discovered a use for pins and yarn that doesn’t involve being homophobic or antisemitic. “It all started last year when lockdown took away my free speech,” Hugh told the Tribune, “so I took to social media to speak Read more...

Predator Free Dunedin didn’t catch a Single Paedophile Last Year

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

The whole concept of one-trap-fits-all for paedophiles hasn’t been super effective. Despite PFD’s best efforts, not a single sexual predator was caught by their automated traps, presumably because the traps are rat-sized. A local predator said, “The council is generalising us which Read more...

Editorial Conspiratorial: How I Caused 9/11

Posted 1:29pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Fox Meyer

When I was two, we lived in Florida. Yeah, I know, woe is me. My parents, as you can tell from my mum’s choice of footwear, were total hippies. And in 2000, they were big fans of Ralph Nader, the American Green Party candidate for president.  I don’t know how much you know about Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Tree roots? More like tree roots, ha!

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Critic

There’s a big willow tree on the corner of Anzac and Hanover, sorta by the train station. I’ve had sex in it. It’s the third tree I’ve had sex in but it was certainly the best. I’d been seeing this girl for a while, going to parties together and usually ended up Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 3:00pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Start living by ACC: always choosing content.  DIY activity: home grown weed.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 If there is one thing you need, it’s a break. Stop putting so much time and emotional labour into things that no longer serve Read more...

KGB ‘Tropical’

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Chug Norris

Have you become sick and tired of drinking the same toxic lolly water that you’ve been drinking for the past year? Is your current drink not giving you type II diabetes quickly enough? Are you ready to branch out and try something new? Well, buddy, you’re in luck! KGB have just released Read more...

Skuxx Food | Butternut Hummus

Posted 2:54pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Have recent food prices been getting you down? Have you recently realised that your fav hummus, which you can easily demolish in a sitting, has now hit $5 on New World’s shelves? Here’s how to make a very skuxx homemade hummus that will give you way more bang for your Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:52pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Daniel. We got last week’s submission correct, thanks to some errant paint: Itsukushima Shrine, Hiroshima, Japan.  First Thoughts: Looks like Indonesia, based on the street carts and brands, but could also definitely be Malaysia. Will be tough to Read more...

Editorial: What’s so Good about Good Friday?

Posted 12:24am Saturday 23rd April 2022 by Fox Meyer

Good Friday is the most confusing day of the year. First of all, there’s the name: if I was murdered, resurrected, and then deified, and I came back 2,000 years later to see people celebrating my sacrifice, I’d be stoked. I’d be like “Oh that’s mean, so glad Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Started from the bottom, now we still there

Posted 1:17pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by Critic

It was a beautiful Saturday evening in an unspecified location outside of Dunedin. I have been sinking a few too many drinks when all of a sudden I have to get up to yak. Here’s the thing about me… every time I yak I piss myself. So, here I am, yak successful but now I have stained my Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 1:16pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 This is for everybody going through tough times, believe me, been there done that, but everyday above ground is a great day, remember that.  Task to do: wash your sheets.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 The bigger they are, the harder they fall. This Read more...

19 Crimes Pinot Noir

Posted 2:37pm Saturday 9th April 2022 by Thomas Delaney

From the brand that brought you the Snoop Dogg merlot, 19 Crimes is back with a penal-themed pinot noir that is more sinkable than the ships that carried their criminal crew to Australia. Coming in at about $20, 19 Crimes hits a solid ratio of about a dollar per crime. Not too shabby, and for a red Read more...