Archive

Feedback Section Skipped at Clubs Meeting to Gather Feedback

Posted 1:34pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Last Wednesday was the first OUSA-affiliated Clubs meeting of the year, held at the Clubs and Socs building. Critic was told, by Clubs and Socs Rep Emma Jackson, it would be “very informal,” as she also told people to get their fill of chips which she had “bought too many” Read more...

Aquinas Room Security Still An Issue

Posted 1:28pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Allegations of break-ins at Aquinas have proven to be true, despite the college stating that “locks are up to date.” Critic Te Ārohi has received evidence of residents accessing specific locked rooms with the use of only a student ID. A series of differing lock mechanisms has meant Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Ex-Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend Fucker

Posted 1:21pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Thank god this happened back in my home country, I would be shanked if this got back to them. At my school in year 12, my friend (let’s call her Amelia) got a boyfriend (let’s call him Jed) who had a completely identical (slightly fitter) twin brother. I, being perpetually single Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You’re at a crossroads this week. Either accept that you have tummy issues and swap to oat milk or shit yourself in the most embarrassing place possible: three metres away from the bouncer outside U-Bar.  Strain of weed to try: Sour Diesel Pisces You take a creative Read more...

Hide Ya Bong: 10 Ways to Conceal a Bong in Plain Sight

Posted 1:16pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

Imagine this: halfway through punching a cone after an incredibly difficult week of BCom-broing and midweek pissups, you hear the front door creak. All your flatmates are home, and no one just fucking drops in. Like a deer in Bic-light, you scramble in fear to find a hiding spot for your still-warm Read more...

Editorial: Stay Safe, Kids

Posted 1:08pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Nina Brown

Welcome to the Drugs Issue. You may have picked that up already based on the bong-heavy design of both the cover and centrefold. We timed it to come out the week of Hyde Street Party and 4/20 – which conveniently happens to be the same day this year. I see you, OUSA. “Drugs” is Read more...

Drug Trip Simulator

Posted 1:06pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Nicky Patterson

1. Look outside. It’s a beautiful day; the sun's shining, the birds are chirping, and you've got the itch for something special to make today one to remember. Who are you calling? A: The Regular (go to 3) B: The shady guy who your mate’s flatmate’s sister knows (go to Read more...

Steamed the New Stoned?

Posted 12:57pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Dunedin has a pretty notorious drug culture. One drop of our wastewater could show the entirety of Gloriavale a damn good time. And yet, one would be pressed to find a hardcore, “substances are a personality trait” type druggie in even your most bruising Castle St flat these days – Read more...

Firecracker Airfryer Edibles

Posted 12:54pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Lotto Ramsay

Firecrackers are a classic stoner treat, typically made with graham crackers and peanut butter. But due to the exodus of our American staff (good riddance) Critic does not know what graham crackers are – and does not wish to learn. Here they are with biscuits and nutella instead. The weed Read more...

The Baaa Karaoke Threatens Thirsty Thursday Supremacy

Posted 11:04am Monday 8th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Word on the street is that The Baaa karaoke has ostensibly filled the Thursday night social calendar gap after reporting “lines out the door” since the start of 2024. Supporting the piss-fuelled antics of over 200 breathas a night, The Baaa’s karaoke has allegedly trumped all other Read more...

Pitfalls of the Pill

Posted 11:03am Monday 8th April 2024 by Monty O’Rielly

Ah, the pill. That tiny, circular tab that’s readily handed out to fix a myriad of issues, whether that be mental health, preventing periods, curing acne or, you know, maybe even as a contraceptive. Since its release in the 1960s, the oral contraceptive pill has been treated as a miracle drug, Read more...

Local Produce: Purple Dog

Posted 10:09pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Starting off the year with a slew of Pint Night performances at U-Bar, Purple Dog have now established themselves as a prominent Ōtepoti band. As they gear up to release a second single, Critic Te Ārohi caught up with the band to ask about their origin story, new music, and upcoming Read more...

Debatable: Should Hyde residents have to pay for tickets to the Hyde Street Party?

Posted 10:07pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Liam Gould

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm. For: Liam Gould  Okay, so it might be a bit stink that on top of overpaying for what is likely a cold and damp flat on Read more...

Leith Them Alone: The Families of Leith Street

Posted 10:01pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Harriette Boucher

Leith Street – a key part of the North Dunedin epicentre of Otago’s student life – has long been the home of scarfie flats and student parties. But despite its reputation, Leith is more than just students living out their second-year dreams in New Zealand’s most notorious Read more...

Booze Review: Mulled Wine

Posted 9:57pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Daylight savings is creeping forward, bringing with it shit weather and a splash of seasonal depression. In this autumnal slump, we want a drink that reminds us of simpler times, like Christmas – not New Zealand Christmas, but the one you see in low-budget rom-coms. I want to get fucked up Read more...

Dancing in the Rain: Baseline Reviewed

Posted 9:54pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Iris Hehir

It’s important to Critic Te Ārohi that our reviews are authentic. To review hall food, we needed to assume the identities of freshers. And to review Baseline, we also had to assume the appropriate state of a festival-goer: dressed a lil’ slutty and with enough vodka Red Bulls in our Read more...

ChatGOTH: Heracles

Posted 9:50pm Friday 5th April 2024 by ChatGOTH

Hi ChatGOTH, I need help slaying the Hydra. My ex will not stop trying to talk to me. As per usual post-break up courtesy, I asked for space but little did I know how challenging this labour would be. Long story short, it got to the point where I had to block her (so my phone would stop Read more...

Takeaways: Week 6

Posted 9:49pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

SOMETHING TO WATCH ‘Almost Pumping’ short film If you haven’t watched it yet, you’re missing out. Isaac Chadwick’s short film ‘Almost Pumping’ is a 16-minute fever dream of surf, as Chaddy and his mates tackle the waves of Indonesia, describing Read more...

Bar Behemoths Combine to Support LGBTQIA+ Community

Posted 9:47pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Woof! have teamed up with Emerson’s Brewery to create a t-shirt encouraging people to “be proud of the rainbow thirst trap that you are!” Not only will the t-shirts be drippy as fuck, but they’re also helping fund an initiative to provides stores with printed materials in Read more...

Non-Student Kicked Out of OUSA Sauna

Posted 9:45pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Hanna Varrs

A non-student has been permanently banned from the OUSA Clubs and Socs building following a sauna incident where the patron caused “discomfort for other users within that session,” according to OUSA’s Clubs and Societies Operations Manager Jamie Leckie.  Leckie told Critic Read more...

Salmond Lashes Out Following Food Review

Posted 9:42pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

Critic Te Ārohi has once again come to blows with a hall after a full kitchen staff meeting was organised to address the magazine’s now infamous food review. The meeting allegedly saw Critic staff being called out by name and staff shed tears after reading the review in the company of Read more...

New Queen St. Facebook Group Claims to Have No Freshers

Posted 9:40pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Molly Smith-Soppet

The smell of a fresh Dunedin street Facebook group is in the air again with the creation of ‘QUEEN/GEORGE 24’. And wow, it's not got the one thing all of Dunedin claims to despise: fucking freshers (or so they reckon). If you're wondering why you need another platform to buy fake Read more...

Opinion: Nitro Goes Woke?

Posted 9:20pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Nicholas McDermott

In the ever-evolving landscape of alcoholic beverages, one name has stood out for its unapologetic embrace of the wild side: Nitro. Known for having partygoers buzzing with energy, Nitro has carved a niche for itself as the go-to drink for those looking to elevate their night from the mundane to the Read more...

University “Highly Likely” to Cut Some Journal Subscriptions

Posted 9:12pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Monty O’Rielly

Academic journals have been added to the University’s list of casualties after Critic Te Ārohi was told that it was “highly likely” that resources, including some academic journals, would be cut.  A University spokesperson told Critic Te Ārohi that they could be Read more...

Capping Show Reveals ‘Beezie’ Theme

Posted 9:08pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Molly Smith-Soppet

The Capping Show is back for the 130th time (never gets old), brandishing a new theme and a bucket load of sure-to-be-explicit skits – we counted “49 assorted sex, dick and tit jokes” last year. Critic Te Ārohi met up with co-Stage Director Jack Archibald to flesh out the Read more...

Aquinas Has a Bra Thief

Posted 8:58pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

News of a bra thief on the loose in Aquinas has students in a panic. Sources say that the thief has been on the loose since the beginning of March.  In the space of a few weeks, several pairs of women’s brassiere and underwear have been reportedly stolen, leading residents to suspect Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Catman

Posted 8:53pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

We’re coming up on the anniversary of this story so I feel as though I have enough closure to share it. This was my first attempt at a Tinder hook up after a breakup, and I knew the guy from home so I thought it would be chill. No surprises, I was wrong.  Everything is set up, Read more...

The Lecture Swap

Posted 8:52pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Adam Stitely, Gryffin Powell, Christopher Elder & Monty O’Rielly

Critic Te Ārohi sent two pairs of what we considered to be polar-opposite majors to go to each others’ lectures: History major Adam and Biochemistry & Genetics major Gryffin; Marketing major Christopher and Gender Studies major Monty. It’s like swinging, but with a bit more Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 8:28pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius When life gives you lemons, make a vodka LLB (lemon, lime and bitters), sit back and watch the world burn. There is nothing you can do to save those plebs. Your morning mantra: I am healthy, I am wealthy Pisces You are very aware of your surroundings this week. While your intuition is Read more...

Editorial: Turn On Your Heat Pump

Posted 8:25pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Nina Brown

It’s time we all grew up and turned our heat pumps on. I will die on this hill. To all the power Scrooges out there, I get it. The early stages of flatting are a hard fiscal slap in the face. You hear the phrase “cozzie livs” (boomer translation: “cost of living”) Read more...

Pint Night Glasses Going Extinct

Posted 8:20pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud

U-Bar’s pint glasses are in short supply, dropping to a stock of only 500 out of the 3000-4000 that were bought for the bar just a few years ago. Weird, I wonder why? Hospitality Services Manager Adrian Lowrey told Critic Te Ārohi that he is “trying to buy some new ones at the Read more...

Trans Sex For Dummies

Posted 4:47pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Monty O’Rielly

Disclaimer: This article includes discussion and description of transgender bodies, with anatomical and occasionally gendered language. It mainly focuses on personal experiences of pre-op trans people on HRT, but a lot of this can be applied to trans people at other stages of their Read more...

Booze Review: Sour Apple Cruisers

Posted 4:35pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Critic was a bit late this St Patty’s to jump on the bandwagon and acquire the breatha’s Irish drink of choice: Lime Cruisers. We even mished to the unfamiliar territory of South Dunedin, but to no avail. We were left with the consolation prize, the ugly step-sister of this green and Read more...

Mi Goreng Graduate: Chocolate Mousse

Posted 4:33pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Ruby Hudson

Serves: 6 Time: 20 mins + 2 hrs cooling Bring on those sexual desires and impress that special someone with this smooth and luxurious choccy mousse. Since dark chocolate is packed full of aphrodisiac, this recipe is sure to get you in the mood. While I admit the whole aphrodisiac thing could be Read more...

Uni Football Rising Out of the Pits

Posted 4:28pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Hugh Askerud

University football has pulled itself out of a hole after slashing through both men’s and women’s University of Canterbury teams in a pre-season derby. Now the club is talking a big game, with men’s captain Ben Campbell telling Critic Te Ārohi, “Anything short of the top Read more...

Citizens Advice Bureau Launch Youth-Focused Website

Posted 4:25pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Gryffin Powell

Nobody ever seems to be truly prepared for the shit show that is moving out of home, which is why the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) have created a tool to help. Launched with the knowledge that there’s no 100-level paper on bullshitting through life, the Bureau announced the ‘Youth Tool Read more...

“Nut Free” Carrington College Serves Nuts

Posted 4:19pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Angus Rees

Carrington College found themselves in a tricky situation last week, after a resident allergic to peanuts unknowingly consumed a biscuit containing nuts. The student ate said sweet treat with faith in the fact that Carrington kitchen had become nut free. Yikes.  A student associated with Read more...

Best of Moaningful Confessions

Posted 4:15pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

It’s only appropriate that the sex issue pays homage to everyone’s favourite sexscapade column: Moaningful Confessions. The column was born in 2020 out of the ashes of the seedy and often marginal Blind Date column. We’ve ranked the sauciest, most salacious, tit-lickin’, Read more...

Local Produce: Give Up

Posted 4:06pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

Give Up is the newest Ōtepoti shit-head post-punk band. They came to prominence last year after making the Bring the Noise finals, which was only their second gig. Now, after opening for Beet-wix and snagging a pint night slot, they’re rolling with the motion of the ocean and are keen to Read more...

Debatable: Should you watch porn?

Posted 4:04pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Abby Bowmar

TW: SA, mentions of abuse For You have an internet connection, an incognito tab, and 10 minutes (8? 5? 2?) on your hands. Put aside the guilt your Catholic primary school instilled in you, and remember to disconnect from your flat’s Bluetooth speaker.  Modern society Read more...

Pint Night Pox Strikes!

Posted 3:58pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jodie Evans

Chickenpox’s ‘patient zero’ has come forth after students received an email on Thursday March 14 alerting them to an outbreak of chickenpox (or varicella-zoster) within the student community. The email warned that the virus is “highly infectious” and the “risk of Read more...

Do it Your Fucking Self: How to Breatha-fy Your Room

Posted 3:56pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet

As a former “dumb fresher fuck”, you’ve just moved into the big wide world. By that, we mean out of a hall, into a beat-as-fuck six-bedroom flat somewhere on Leith, Castle, Dundas or one of the other streets that almost guarantees you are never seeing your bond again. Your room Read more...

Animated Affairs

Posted 3:51pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jodie Evans

Let’s talk about the legendary sexual awakening. There are the classics you always hear of: Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed a Girl’ music video or Joe Jonas emerging, glistening, from the water in Camp Rock. A good number of people recall the moment Miss Honey from Matilda pulls down Read more...

Takeaways: Week 5

Posted 3:41pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

Something to watch 5 Broken Cameras  5 Broken Cameras is a documentary film from the perspective of Emad, a Palestinian man who captured first-hand the protests in Bil’in – a West Bank village that struggled against Israeli settlements encroaching on their land from 2005. The Read more...

Editorial: Hook-Up Culture is the New Cool Girl

Posted 3:38pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Nina Brown

Dunedin hook-up culture has gaslighted us all into prioritising male pleasure over female pleasure, and just accepting this as the norm. Women’s sexual enjoyment is swept aside, and being okay with this is added to the criteria of Cool Girl. You’re a Cool Girl if you have mediocre one Read more...

OUSA First Quarter Reports

Posted 3:30pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Every quarter, each OUSA exec member submits a report to prove they’ve actually been doing the job they were elected to do. The exec then meets to vote on whether each member should be paid their honorarium (like a salary for elected positions, paid only on the basis that members are actually Read more...

A Fond Farewell to L.Hotel

Posted 3:25pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

On Thursday, March 14th, we all received a gutting post notification (we have ours on at least) from L. Hotel announcing a ‘CYA L8TER NZ Tour’. The tour marks the last chance for fans and haters (kidding, everyone loves them) to say goodbye to the “tax-evading, gluten-free Read more...

‘Let’s talk about Drugs’ Turns To ‘Let’s Talk Shit’

Posted 3:23pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Sparks flew at an otherwise underwhelming ‘Let’s talk about Drugs’ event where panellists and the handful of attendees squabbled over who can prevent drug harm the best. At its peak, 15 people were at the event, including its four panellists: Max Phillips (president of Students for Read more...

Otago Regional Councillor Calls Student “Entitled” Over Bus Fares

Posted 3:17pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Nina Brown

Last week, the Otago Regional Council (ORC) voted 5-7 not to extend the half price bus fares. In what would normally be a one-liner headline in the TL;DR, Critic sniffed a story when we were forwarded an email chain between law student Grace and Councillor Michael Laws, who attacked her character Read more...

Nonbinary Dirty Talk: 25 Freaky Genderless Naughty Nicknames

Posted 3:14pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine

When you’re genderqueer and don’t use gendered terms, it can be hard to include good dirty talk in your sex life. Sex is fun, intimate, and it should be sexy, right? Dirty talk can quickly become awkward Mad Libs from hell when trying to remove gender from your lexicon (“baby Read more...