Trans Sex For Dummies

Trans Sex For Dummies

Disclaimer: This article includes discussion and description of transgender bodies, with anatomical and occasionally gendered language. It mainly focuses on personal experiences of pre-op trans people on HRT, but a lot of this can be applied to trans people at other stages of their transition. 

Is that trans masculine barista at your favourite cafe looking particularly cute these days? Has your friend transitioned into a woman and now she’s starting to catch your eye? Or are you just generally wanting to hit up some gender-non-conforming cuties but worried about making them uncomfortable? Critic Te Ārohi has you sorted! From my years of experience as a trans fuckboy, I have compiled a non-judgemental guide to avoid being a chaser, and make sure you have the most fun possible with your desired trans hook-up. 

Trans Shit 101 

To provide a (not so quick) overview for the non-art majors out there: transgender people are those whose gender identity doesn’t align with their binary sex assigned at birth. Gender is a combination of how you feel internally and how you choose to present to the world, loosely sorted into a spectrum of ‘male’ and ‘female’. It’s important to note, though, that gender isn’t binary, and nonbinary people (those who do not wholly identify as male or female) also fall under the transgender umbrella. This guide mainly focuses on binary trans people, i.e. FTM (female to male) and MTF (male to female), though I have tried to use inclusive language. Not every transition is binary: gender is complicated, and personal.

Many (but not all) trans people experience gender dysphoria – deep-seated averse feelings that arise when you feel your gender does not match your body. Transitioning helps to alleviate this dysphoria. 

The process of transitioning to live in a way that authenticates your gender encompasses many social and physical aspects, such as name and pronoun changes, dressing more feminine or masculine, voice coaching, hair removal, and gender-affirming healthcare. Each person’s transition is different, with different goals in mind. Some trans people seek gender-affirming healthcare (medical interventions) which can include hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) and surgical procedures – referred to as “top surgery” (mastectomy or breast augmentation) and “bottom surgery” (genital reconstruction). 

Sex can be dysphoric for a lot of trans folk, but it can also be euphoric to have your gender affirmed in intimate moments – to be correctly seen as who you are, and fucked as who you are. 

Just ask!

If you take anything away from this article, make sure it’s this: Just ask! Just ask your partner what they are comfortable with. It’s really that simple! This goes for anyone, but is particularly important with trans folk. Trans people have a more complicated relationship with their bodies than most cis people, and certain areas may cause them physical discomfort or dysphoria. This is why it’s essential to ask whether they want certain areas to be touched, how they want to be touched, and how they want to be referred to. 

For example, does your partner want you to refer to their breasts as tits? Or just call it their chest? Some people might not want you to acknowledge their chest whatsoever. Every trans person is different. When in doubt, just ask, but if you need some pointers of what to watch out for, I’d recommend asking how to refer to their chest and genitalia, and whether there are any areas that are absolute no-go zones (and if so, accept it without question).

While sex should be an ongoing dialogue, getting these questions out of the way before sex is preferred. It’s a good chance to contribute your own preferences, too, even if you’re cis – you’ve probably got opinions on the word “hooha”, for example. 

HRT and Sex

HRT is pretty magic. It can completely change your life – and this includes your junk. When having sex with a trans person on HRT, their genitalia might look and act a bit different from your bog standard. That being said, the clitoris and penis aren’t as different as you’d think: both are developed from the same erectile tissue, full of feel-good nerve endings, and HRT helps develop gender-affirming secondary sex characteristics: testosterone (T) for masculinising effects, and oestrogen (E) for feminising. Here are some of the cool and sexy things HRT can do:

Libido and Fertility

Changes to libido: Sex drive can change a lot in general (and also through the self-discovery process of transition), and HRT can make this even more variable. Your partner might change how they feel about sex and different aspects of sex as they figure things out during transition. Generally, testosterone tends to increase libido, while oestrogen can lower direct libido, but increase desire for sex and intimacy in different ways. 

Fertility: HRT does limit your fertility, but this does not mean you’re in the clear to raw-dog! As a rule of thumb, assume pregnancy is always possible if you don’t want to get pregnant.  

Feminising (oestrogen) HRT changes

Lack of erections: Feminizing HRT can soften the penis and it may struggle to get as erect. Some transfeminine people enjoy using their penis for penetration, others don’t. See below for ideas on how to have fun with the feminine penis. 

More sensitive tip of penis: The glans (head) of the penis becomes more sensitive and may produce more lubrication. 

More sensitive nipples: Particularly in the early stages of MTF HRT, the nipples can become incredibly sensitive. This can be a lot of fun, but be aware that the line between extreme pain and pleasure can sometimes be thin. Treat overly sensitive nipples like the clitoris or penis tip.

Cum: Oestrogen can give the cum a clearer appearance, and reduce the overall volume. It can also change the taste (to being much nicer, in my humble opinion). 

Masculinising (testosterone) HRT changes

Bottom growth: On masculinizing HRT, the clitoris and clitoral hood enlarge to become more similar to a penis (referred to as ‘bottom growth’ or ‘t-dick’). Bottom growth behaves differently to a cisgender clitoris and can come with increased arousal, different sensitivity, and increased erectile activity. 

Vaginal dryness: Testosterone can mean that the vagina gets less wet, so invest in good lube (something better than that overly sweet Countdown stuff, please) to avoid friction and tearing. Plus, lube is great. 

More hair in certain areas: Contrary to media representations, not all trans guys are waifish, androgynous femboys – we have hair, goddamnit! So a trans guy vag might have some more hair than what you’re used to. 

(Some) Trans Sex Acts

Having a sexual partner who’s trans might mean that you have to experiment beyond good old missionary sex (though I am sure there are some trans missionary fans out there). HRT can make some of these more fun, but can absolutely be applied to non-HRT taking trans people as well. Here’s some suggestions for alternate things you can try for all parties to enjoy.

Alternative sex practices

Sometimes penetration is not possible, or desirable. Luckily, sex isn’t defined by penetration. 

Frotting: Rubbing two dicks together. ‘Dick’ here is a pretty loose term. 

Muffing: Penetrating in the space above the testicles (inguinal canal) with your fingers. The free pdf of the zine Fucking Trans Women by Mira Bellwether is a great resource here.

Tribbing: Grinding vulvas against thighs, knees, genitals, anywhere. 

BDSM: Kink is genderless and can help dismantle dysphoria inducing roles – just communicate properly, first. Safe, sane, consensual. 

Mutual masturbation: Fun for everyone! Everyone knows what they enjoy, and may be more comfortable handling their own junk. Mutual masturbation can offer an alternative way to have a sexy time, and make sure everyone feels safe around their own bodies. 

Keeping lights off or clothes on: Not being able to see parts of your body that make you uncomfortable can really help. Just try dry humping!

Changing positions: If you and partner are able to have penetrative sex, trying slightly less conventional positions can offer a refreshing change in roles and dynamics. There’s a position for everyone! You could even try cowgirl (or boy, or person – I hope you asked beforehand). 

Sex toys and trans sex

Trans sex opens the doors for plenty of experimentation, and we happen to be in the golden age of sex toys. Plus, sex toy brands are using increasingly ungendered language. 

Strap-ons: Can be worn by any gender. Great for transfem tops who can’t, or don’t, penetrate with their penis. Boxer-style strap harnesses can be fun for transmascs. There’s a strap for everyone!

Play packers: Packers (silicone prosthetic penises) aren’t typically sex toys, but can be used as such (with a condom if it’s your regular one). Pack and play packers are trickier to find, but are hyper realistic and include a flexible rod for penetration

Vibrators: Vibrators are also very enjoyed by all people, not just people with vulvas. Ask your partners where’s most sensitive for them and have fun playing around with a vibrator’s setting! Wand and clitoral suction vibes are awesome for sensitive girldicks. Bottom growth can also love suction vibes – look for ones with a larger opening and good suction to mimic a blowjob. 

NZ Sex Toy Suggestions

  • Magic Wand Rechargeable Massager (a fav of transfems) 
  • Silicone Nipple Suckers (for super-sensitive nipples) 
  • Womanizer Liberty Rechargeable Travel Clitoral Suction Stimulator (large opening for bottom growth)
  • Desire Luxury Rechargeable Strapless Strap-On Dildo Vibrator (on the pricier side, but great for trans mascs who also want some stimulation while penetrating)
  • Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo (unfortunately named ‘guybrator,’ but works very well to stimulate penises)
  • Lovehoney Beginner's Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit with 5 Inch Pegging Dildo (good for a first time, with the strap being made from softer material than most cheaper ones)

Treating genitalia in a gender affirming manner

It can be gender affirming for trans people to treat their genitalia how you would typically treat genitalia of the opposite sex. Expand your mind beyond the traditional ways of playing with genitalia with some of these suggestions:

  • Use the clitoral hood like foreskin on a penis to give a handjob: rub it back and forth like one would jerk a dick off
  • Top tip: The tip! Use the head of the penis like a clitoris, using one finger to touch it (with lubrication, for the love of God).
  • Massage the perineum (“taint”, or in this case the area between the anus and the testicles) as if you were rubbing a vulva – the perineum has plenty of pleasurable nerve endings. Similarly, try muffing: penetrating the inguinal canals (see above). Use a good lube.
  • Focus more on sucking trans vulvas like you are giving them a blowjob
  • Bottom growth can also be used for penetration (some trans mascs may choose to use penis pumps to make theirs bigger for sex). Holes have a lot of nerve endings near the entrance, and it also just feels pretty great to be thrust into. 

Every trans person’s feelings around sex are different. One more time: just ask!

This article first appeared in Issue 5, 2024.
Posted 4:47pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Monty O’Rielly and Lotto Ramsay.