Life Lessons from my Dead Pet Snail

Posted 9:12pm Sunday 27th April 2025

This is a story about one Snegma “Sneg” Ramsay (Snegory to my parents).  Once a snail fell from the sky and it taught me about love. “Fell from the sky” is a fanciful way of saying that I dropped him by mistake when I found him in my kitchen sink. I thought that he Read more...

Debatable: Bongs or Joints?

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 16th March 2025

Pro-Bong You’ll remember your first bong-rip like your first kiss. It’s sensual, sparks are flying and lips are touching. What’s not to fall in love with? Just like kissing, you might need a YouTube tutorial or two to get it right, but it's easy to pick up and from then on Read more...

Debatable: Flash mobs, yay or nay?

Posted 11:58pm Sunday 9th March 2025

Nay: Grow up, you’re not in a musical. Nobody wants to have their peace abruptly ripped from them like a vulture peeling the skin off a rodent’s carcass. If I’m ever strolling through the mall, minding my own business, and a flash mob suddenly breaks out, I fully intend to sue. Read more...

Debatable: Chasers: Yay or Nay?

Posted 4:31pm Sunday 2nd March 2025

Chasers: Yay First of all, just because you want to have a chaser doesn’t mean that you can’t handle a shot at all. Let’s dispel that common myth. Pres are meant to be a wholesome experience; if there’s a way to decrease the grossness, why not go for it?  Nights Read more...

Girl Power, Girl ... Pilsner?: Critic's rejected booze reviewers

Posted 3:44pm Sunday 23rd February 2025

Critic Te Ārohi just found out about all this "feminism" stuff, and we think it's pretty neat. To show what great allies we are, for our hundredth year of publication Critic has our first ever female booze review moniker! Sometimes the reviewer behind the pseudonym is female, too. Read more...

Opinion: You Suck at Instant Noodles

Posted 11:18pm Monday 17th February 2025

There are but three things in this miserable world that are able to give me any semblance of something akin to joy: soup, frugality, and the quiet bliss of an instruction manual. Basically, the way everyone makes their instant noodles in this goddamn city is ensuring I will be first in line at Read more...

Firecracker Airfryer Edibles

Posted 11:14pm Monday 17th February 2025

Firecrackers are a classic stoner treat, typically made with graham crackers and peanut butter. But due to the exodus of our American staff (good riddance) Critic does not know what graham crackers are – and does not wish to learn. Here they are with biscuits and nutella instead. The weed Read more...

Spiked: An Invisible Crime

Posted 11:02pm Sunday 19th May 2024

TW: Mentions of sexual assault and detailed depictions of drink spiking  At university, everyone seems to know someone who’s been spiked. The phenomenon hangs in the air at flat parties and lingers about the bathrooms of student bars, yet remains grossly stigmatised. Following Read more...

Opinion: You Suck at Instant Noodles

Posted 6:49pm Sunday 5th May 2024

There are but three things in this miserable world that are able to give me any semblance of something akin to joy: soup, frugality, and the quiet bliss of an instruction manual. Basically, the way everyone makes their instant noodles in this goddamn city is ensuring I will be first in line at Read more...

Drug Trip Simulator

Posted 1:06pm Sunday 14th April 2024

1. Look outside. It’s a beautiful day; the sun's shining, the birds are chirping, and you've got the itch for something special to make today one to remember. Who are you calling? A: The Regular (go to 3) B: The shady guy who your mate’s flatmate’s sister knows (go to Read more...