Archive

Proctology | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Zane Pocock

Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dunedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm Read more...

Love Online | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Editorial | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

I’m always up for a solid money-making rort. My car is adorned with dozens of parking receipts, designed to deter parking wardens from checking whether I have actually paid for parking on a given day. If I do pay for parking, I only buy 10 cents’ worth, limiting my liability to a $10 “expired Read more...

The Leek | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Amid tight government funding, falling enrolments and increased operational costs, the University of Otago has had to accept a rather tight budget for 2013 in order to continue to provide students with the high-quality services we’ve grown so accustomed to. At a University Council meeting, Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Erma Dag

Some people want a ritzy inner-city apartment, in which they can recline on a bespoke eight-seater couch upholstered in the finest polar bear pelt, snort mountains of cocaine, and sit on their balcony dining on poached Galapagos tortoise and stroking their pet snow leopard while observing the plebs Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If your only means of getting out of the ghetto any time soon is the old waewae express, look no further than Dunedin’s local Mount Lee (that’s where the famous Beverley Hills Hollywood sign calls home). Signal Hill is a prominent finger of hilly goodness that rises sharply up from the Harbour, just Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Jess Cole

The ODT sought to get right amongst the spirit of the holidays, reporting on key Easter issues such as the number of New Zealanders who claimed rabbit, egg, and hot cross bun-related injuries last year. Apparently (incorrectly) assuming their average reader has an intelligence level Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

By now, many of you have probably fallen victim to the infamous Fresher Flu. With winter soon approaching, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is the (real) flu as well as the cold. The best thing you can do to help get you through, flu-free, is to grab yourself a flu shot. And before you stop Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

This week I’m going to try to help some of you poor ignorant wretches out there who are embarrassing themselves on Facebook. We are young students, frequently engaging in shenanigans and debauchery, often vomiting in public places and having awkward sexual experiences – our lives are pretty Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Weclome back! While home for the holidays, many readers would have gotten the “how’s uni?” and this week’s column is all about that question. Rather than the usual grunted “fine,” I want to get deep about it; deeper than a deep sea diver with a massive knob gets inside his Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, a masterpiece is uncovered, and science prevails. April 8, 1820: On a small Aegean island that nobody had previously heard of, a peasant discovered a statue that would subsequently become one of the most famous pieces of ancient Greek art ever. It is now called the Venus de Milo, Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I don’t understand this gender/sex difference you keep going on about. A person’s sex is male, female, or intersex; is biological; and dictates the form a body will take. Wait! I know someone is reading this and assuming this means that being feminine/masculine is an inescapable fate! And you! Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by M and G

On St Patrick’s Day M and G thought it would be a fab idea to do wine before nine. With two pinot gris down and stomachs roaring they drunkenly staggered with the flat down to The Bog – a must on St Paddy’s. Stumbling through the door, their noses were assaulted with the scent of bacon and Guinness. Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this Read more...

The Leek | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

You’ve all heard of “fresher flu.” It’s the reason you can’t make it to classes/hand in your essay on time, and has recently been responsible for reducing the average number of lecture attendees to 3.5. Yes, we all fear catching the inevitable illness spread by filthy freshers crawling all over each Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Erma Dag

Imagine you get a new job. You sit in a room all day with a book containing a detailed code. Occasionally, a piece of paper is pushed under the door with indecipherable squiggles written on it, and you must find these squiggles in your book of code. The book will then direct you to write a new set Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Last week we talked a bit about STIs and, like herpes, that’s a topic that will be coming back in the future. For now though we’re treating STIs like Dexies and shelving them for a bit. This week I want to talk about a bigger topic. A much bigger topic: fatties. That’s right, Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, there is some very bad behaviour and a serious conflict about punctuation. 27 March, 1915: Public health authorities arrested and quarantined Mary Mallon, who is better known as Typhoid Mary, so named because she was the first known healthy carrier of typhoid fever. Because of her Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If you feel like getting out of the ghetto in pun-tastic style, look no further than OUTram (get it?). This fine town lies not far OUTside Dunedin City – in fact, Wikipedia reckons it’s actually a suburb of Dunedin, despite being 30km along the road towards Middlemarch. There’s not Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Jess Cole

Ironically, given the ODT’s penchant for terrible puns, they found grounds to mock some other publications in their Weekend story, “Pig on a Mission”: Clearly gutted to have missed out on the opportunity to utilise any of the above hilarious titles, the ODT relegated this story to the Read more...

Love Online | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Talking loudly and incessantly at people, sadly, can’t always solve some problems. Here are some private issues answered, so you don’t have to talk to people you actually know about your sordid secrets. So my best mate just came out, what if he has a crush on me? What do I do? I’m not into Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by M and G

Many of you caffiends may be familiar with The Fix café on Frederick Street, but you may surprised to find there is a hidden kiosk in the Centre for Innovation – the large mirrored building that you check your outfit in on your way to class. It’s a small kiosk with the same outdoor tables as St Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Bryony Leeke

If you’ve been to any of the cafés about town lately, I’m sure you will have observed the following puzzling phenomenon: the letters “GF” on various cakes and menu items. No, that doesn’t stand for “available on girl-friend bread”; those little letters mean “gluten-free.” “Of course!” you say. Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

Mark Wahlberg once made an awful movie about Earth taking revenge on humanity because it was pissed off about global warming. So, every time a special wind blew, people everywhere compulsively committed suicide. I’m reminded of that movie whenever I see a Public Display of Affection, because the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013 by Sam McChesney

Hi. My name is Sam, and I’m not the editor of Critic. Callum Fredric, the real editor, was recently involved in a tragic accident. Mere days after recklessly writing “YOLO” as his official religion on the census, Callum lost both of his miniature hands in a freak alligator-feeding accident. Read more...

Love Online | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

The Leek | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

A visit to King’s High School to discover more about their new King’s Men’s Society class for developing better men has inspired OUSA to begin providing a program that focuses on developing better party girls. The class, dubbed “Tips for Tricks,” aims to prepare first-year girls for the next three Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Erma Dag

Hegel was one of the most grandiose, self-important philosophers of all time. He believed that he had literally unlocked the secrets of the universe and devised a system for understanding history, politics, morality and human psychology. He inspired thinkers from Marx to Sartre and enraged others Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! In a recent poll of the two guys with me at lunch, less than 50% of them had had a recent STI check despite being sexually active outside of a long-term relationship. I know epidemiology isn’t my strong suit, but I’m fairly sure the results of this incredibly scientific study Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, some extensive travel is involved, and we get a city out of it. 23 March, 1848: After an apparently uneventful three-month journey, the first Scottish settlers arrived in Port Chalmers and founded a city they called Dunedin. The name was derived from the fairly unpronounceable Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I’ve had a couple of people this past week mention feminism and the International Women’s Day to me in angry tones. I couldn’t figure out exactly what was enraging them so – maybe a Jezebel.com moderator replied snarkily to one of their comments – but there’s something in the water, for sure. I’m Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by M and G

Doc has been a campus favourite for a few years now. He first popped onto the scene in 2011 in the garage space underneath Clubs and Socs, after increasing popularity he shifted up Albany next to Rob Roy Dairy, and recently he moved further down George St opposite Knox Church. Doc is known Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Come young fresher, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The best thing about living in Dunedin actually has nothing to do with Dunedin at all. The real treat lies a bit to the West and a touch to the North of our fine city: the magically hot-in-summer, ski-perfect-in-winter, Lord-of-the-Rings Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Rest in peace, bitch. And now, the worst pun of the year to date: Perhaps aware that they'd taken things too far, the ODT published a montage of readers reacting to the pun: BNZ is smashing the glass ceiling, and the ODT's photographer got all the female Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, we’re a few weeks into the year now, and all of a sudden reality is knocking at the door. How about those assignments? Don’t tell me lies, I know you’ve left it to the last minute to prepare that presentation, and you’ve been up until 3am finishing that essay. So when the going gets tough, what Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

The first few weeks in a new flat are the absolute best: there’s nothing like a month of endless pillow fort-making, Game of Thrones marathons and flat trips to the Satay Noodle House to give you that warm fuzzy feeling of general happiness and optimism (“Yeah! We are going to do the dishes after Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column is back for another year of shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to a bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds Read more...

Proctology | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Zane Pocock

Proctology kicks off this week with those perennial troublemakers, Campus Watch. After hearing on Police radio that the occupants of an abandoned vehicle were wanted, our Guardian Angels took it upon themselves to look around “just in case they could see them.” They decided to check around some Read more...

Editorial | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Themed issues are so 2012. But retro is making a comeback, so welcome to the Fashion Issue. Know what else is in right now? Gay marriage. Parliament just voted in favour of the bill at its second reading. Good for them. I would have voted in favour too. But I can’t help feeling Read more...

Love Online | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

The Leek | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

An impulse buy at the end of a flat shopping trip at South Dunedin’s Pak ‘n’ Save has left four lucky second-year commerce boys reeling as their Lotto Powerball ticket landed them $20 million last week. The blokes decided to split the cost of a Powerball ticket after one fellow noticed that Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Erma Dag

In case you have not yet had the misfortune to watch it, Harlem Shake is a new worldwide video meme which is TOTES FUNNY OMG. The meme is a series of 30-second clips. Each begins with one person dancing alone (and badly) to an electronic tune. This person is surrounded by people who, instead of Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, the Internet’s ascent hits a milestone, and scientists continue to claim each other’s ideas. 12 March, 1894: In the small and otherwise unassuming city of Vicksburg, Mississippi, Coca-Cola was bottled and sold for the first time. It had originally enjoyed a career as a coca wine, Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! A wise old man (who happens to be my boss so I should probably go back and replace “old” with something less pejorative) once posed the question, “how do you boil a live frog?” Allegedly it’s by slowly turning the heat up. As my wise, devilishly handsome, and incredibly Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Hey kids! By now, you’ve probably got to know your neighbours and classmates a bit better, made some new friends (and/or enemies), and experimented with alternative lifestyle choices, such as substance abuse or wearing long pants in summer. You might have spotted a few of Dunedin’s less mainstream Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by M and G

On the weird little road opposite Super Liquor central and the Hunter Centre sits Allpress, the headquarters of Allpress beans. Not only do they serve a brilliant bitter brew, they roast their own beans on site. Fresh. Prepare yourself to be served by ice queens who scorn all students that Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The heady exploits of O-Week are now a hazy memory, lectures aren’t preliminary any more, and the icy charms of a Dunedin autumn have well and truly arrived here in the student ghetto. You may think it’s time to curl up in a ball, survive exclusively on mi goreng and milo, and await the release of Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

On Tuesday, the day before the Dunedin cricket test was due to start, the ODT decided to tempt fate. Rain washed out the entire first day of the test. As this column went to print on Wednesday night, the exact magnitude of the ODT’s fuckup was yet to be determined. And now, Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

“... I’ve just been cutting onions. I’m making a lasagne ... for one ...” As the Flight of the Conchords song goes. But why? Why do onions make you bawl like Mufasa just died, and how can you make it stop? Science, bitches, has the answer. Onions have little packets of enzymes inside each Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Elsie Stone

This week, whilst waiting in the depressingly long Uniprint line, I had the misfortune of overhearing a conversation between two self-professed “buzzy cunts” as they loudly tried to outdo each other with stories of their drug-fuelled escapades from the weekend. The thing that struck me about these Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column is back for another year of shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to a bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds Read more...

Editorial | Issue 03

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dear John Key, You probably don’t know me, John. I’m not like you, you see. I’m not the sort of person you generally hang out with. I’m not a rich, pinstripe suit-wearing banker or a slick corporate lobbyist. I’m just a regular guy, John. The sort of guy your government fucked Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic still doesn’t have a sponsor for the infamous Blind Date column. If you own a restaurant and want to gain publicity off the back of hilarious hookup attempts, hit us up at critic@critic.co.nz. If you want to go on a blind date, email your details to news@critic.co.nz. In the meantime, we gave Read more...

The Leek | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Following a rash of break-ins by intoxicated students at the Botanic Gardens over the past two weeks, Dunedin City Council officials have been forced to take extreme measures to put an end to these hijinks. The beautiful Botanic Gardens are open year-round to the public, but the gates are locked Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Erma Dag

On Tuesday 5 March, make YOLO your official religion in the New Zealand census, safe in the knowledge that you have sound philosophical reasons behind you. YOLO is much more than just 2012’s most annoying new catchphrase, the bane of A&Es nationwide or the butt of such ruthless deconstruction Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Bryony Leeke

Human beings are capable of some pretty weird things when it comes to sex, as attested by the sordid tales of sexual misadventure to be heard on the North Dunedin grapevine. But the sleazy stories you overheard at your Monday morning lecture are nothing compared to the crazy copulations that go on Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Elsie Stone

Consider this my deep and sincere apology for not wanting to have sex with you. I feel like such a frigid bitch because you got nothing in return for all the nice things you did for me last night. Remember when I walked past your flat? You were outside with all your friends, playing Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week scientific progress abounds, and a cultural icon is born. 6 March, 1869: Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first periodic table to the Russian Chemical Society, which was particularly impressive because he’d left spaces for elements that apparently didn’t exist. The relevant Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi Everybody! So last week we talked about GPs and the importance of finding a good one. If you haven’t gone out and done that yet, consider this column plussage, because we’re gonna follow on from there today. Underpinning what makes a docotor “good” is their relationship with you. As Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Glitter Grrl

A lot of why I wanted to do this column had to do with illuminating words and phrases that can be problematic; words like “fag” and “bitch,” that kind of thing. Over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve noticed that it’s sometimes the less outrageously vulgar insults that can pack more of a sting. Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by M and G

You may know Green Acorn as the café you stare at mindlessly whilst studying on the south side of Central Library, nestled alongside Sushi Station and Poppa’s Pizza. G hadn’t heard great things about the place so went in with extremely low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. The elderly Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The windswept esplanade of St. Clair is the beach-du-jour default for Dunedin residents and new Scarfies alike. Activities abound: marvel at the giant swathes of seaweed lazing about in piles on the sand, observe while the hardy Southern surfers navigate the waves in their foot-thick Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Critic hasn’t renewed its subscription to the ODT yet, partly because we don’t want to contribute 95 cents per day to extensive coverage of the Strath Taieri Collie Club’s centennial trials in Middlemarch and obsessive campaigns against K2. So we stole a copy of Wednesday’s ODT from Radio One and Read more...

Love Online | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Editorial | Issue 02

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 3rd March 2013 by Callum Fredric

Cricket makes life worth living. There’s a test match between NZ and England at the University Oval next to Logan Park, running from Wednesday to Sunday. Every Otago student should go. That’s why I’m not writing this editorial about politics, ticking “no religion” in the census, or Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 01

Posted 2:52pm Monday 25th February 2013 by Sam McChesney

Welcome back to “ODT Watch,” in which we track the more notable stories peddled by the illustrious Independent Voice of the South. The Otago Daily Times is home to some of the country’s most provincial, prudish, and puntastically-titled news items. This year got off to a great start: despite only Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 01

Posted 2:52pm Monday 25th February 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Unbeknownst to most Scarfies of the fresher variety, there exists a magical, unexplored and exotic land outside the heady confines of the North Dunedin student ghetto. You may not believe me, but south of the Octagon, north of Knox, and uphill beyond the Bog, a world of possibilities awaits Read more...

The Leek | Issue 01

Posted 9:54pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As hangovers wore on and STI rates soared, a slightly sinister twist emerged during an otherwise sensational O-Week. Acclaimed rapper Macklemore, age 29, met with an unfortunate fate following his sold-out concert at Dunedin’s Forsyth Barr Stadium on Thursday night. Macklemore rapped the Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 01

Posted 9:54pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Erma Dag

In the classic 1985 film Back to the Future, Marty McFly travels back to 1955 and accidentally interferes with the mishap that brought his parents together. With his mother suddenly lusting after his Calvin Klein-clad hiney instead, Marty spends the remainder of the film trying to bring his parents Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 01

Posted 9:54pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Jessica Bromell

Kia ora and welcome to “The More Things Change,” a sojourn into the coming week’s news per the annals of history. Formative moments of today’s affairs and milestones of the human race will abound, as well as a few things from which people have hopefully learned by now. If nothing else you might pick Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 01

Posted 9:54pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! For many of you, this is your first year of University. Welcome – you’ll love it here! For some of you, this is your last year of University. Welcome back! Savour these moments – what a blast the past three or four years have been! For a few of you, like me, this is your sixth Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 01

Posted 9:54pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Hey there, new and returning Scarfies! I welcome you to my patch of rainbows and equality! I’m here to give counsel on everything LGBTQ and feminism. Many of you will have just left home or moved in with a flat of strangers; or maybe you’re just starting the year afresh, rising like Madonna, reborn Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by M and G

Just inside the Oamaru stone tomb that is St David’s Lecture Theatre is where we spent the majority of our time as freshers, the ideal procrastination centre. You can sit in the cheap silver outdoor chairs with a weak coffee and people watch, use the uni internet or browse St David’s Café’s Read more...

Love Online | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Congratulations, you’ve survived O-Week! But this is Dunedin, and the year has only just begun. So for your liver’s sake, I’m going to tell you the most important thing you should know about hangovers. They are not friends with Panadol, and the two should never, ever hang out. When you Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Elsie Stone

Welcome to another year in our own little rat-infested corner of Paradise, where carpets are stained orange from the spilled Cindy’s of years past and itʼs best to just walk on by if you see a strange woman taking a poo on someone elseʼs car. As our sticky pavements begin to fill with Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous Blind Date column is back for another year of shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to a bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like Read more...

Editorial | Issue 01

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 24th February 2013 by Callum Fredric

At my work Christmas Party, I found out that the previous summer a guy had been fired for ordering a $200 Wagyu steak on the company tab. Wagyu cattle enjoy a standard of living far superior to that of the average Otago student. Massaged daily, plied with beer and sake, and fed only the very Read more...

Tumuaki o Te Roopū Māori 2012!

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Time has passed by so fast and that the year is ending. What a journey it has been. The role of Tumuaki has had its ups and downs, and this year it has been a challenge to balance my study, work, and TRM duties. People can warn you about the workload and the level of commitment, but reality does not Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Callum Fredric

This week in ODT Watch, the ODT continues its totes-impartial-journalism campaign against the new brand of synthetic cannabis, K2. The ODT’s neutral interviewer resisted the urge to ask leading, emotive questions to get the answers he wanted: Meanwhile, a sentient fox has apologised Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Holly Walker

I must get my column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get his column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get my column in on time. I must get his column in on time. I Read more...

Poetry | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Maya Turei

send me your kisses, and send me your love - i’ll post mine back to you no matter what. manila envelopes circulate the floor, telling all the secretaries how office politics can not eclipse our love, - how post it notes stuck to the fridge mean nothing to Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

At this point in the year, dinner-time conversation has been replaced by the sound of highlighters moving across course materials. It’s exam season, and the air is pregnant with chaste frustration. Or so I thought. On our final Friday writing up this column, I would have never guessed that we had Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Ethan Rodgers

I’ve never voted in the OUSA elections before, I didn’t vote in the last one, and I am not alone. “Why?” you ask. “What about democracy and students’ rights and StudyLink and our ability to freely write chalk messages on the asphalt?” I don’t know what the answer is. Perhaps it’s because I like to Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Toby Newberry

At its peak in the 13th century, the Mongol Empire covered 16% of the Earth’s total land area. That’s more than twice the size of the USA, or around 90 times the size of New Zealand. It is the largest empire in human history. Subutai was a Mongolian general, serving first under Genghis Khan and then Read more...

For The Record | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

For the record, I feel a strong sense of pressure with this particular column, my final one of the year. I want to find just the right words to end with. I want this conclusion to be satisfying. It’s hard to believe the year is almost at its close, and that we’ll soon be free from the confines of Read more...

Straight up | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by La Dida

I’m sure many of us have noticed that queer columns often plumb archives of feeling which include anger, sadness or pride, or some combo of these. Which is fair enough, I think, since queer/trans people have lots to be angry, sad, and proud about. However, for this column I thought I’d Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Brittany Mann

For many, if not most (going by the sheer number of bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked freshers in the first flush of academic fervour), med school is something of a holy grail. But in reality, to milk the biblical metaphor, this cup can be very difficult to bear, to the point of sacrificing one’s own life. Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

I have only once watched a US daytime talkshow. In my defence, I was severely incapacitated at the time. Rachael Ray, or whatever the fuck it was, proved a suitably bizarre experience: for instance, the audience would cheer madly whenever the host said the word “bacon”. Funnily enough, the dulcet Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Lovebirds

Well shit kids, it’s been a good ride, but this is the last Critic Blind Date of the year. We’ve got some people laid, had some very popular lesbian shenanigans, and created some of North Ds most awakward moments of 2012. To end things with a bang we had six guys and six girls speed date, and if Read more...

Editorial | Issue 27

Posted 5:59pm Sunday 7th October 2012 by Joe Stockman

Fuck ay. This is it, the last Critic of the year. This place has a strange effect on you. It’s high-stress, amazingly fun, and always, even to the end, completely seat of your pants. You turn up having no idea how to do the job, you leave having no idea how you did it. I think, I hope, Read more...

Year’s End

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Staff Reporter

In many ways, your time in Dunedin is a gift. I am especially aware of this when former students make contact and share that as they look back on their years in Dunedin, they feel very grateful. A core part of this Otago experience is the friendships we have here. Every now and then, we need to look Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 26

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Holly Walker

Regular readers will know that I am always looking for excuses to visit Dunedin, so I was delighted when my former POLS lecturer and academic idol Janine Hayward invited me to speak to her POLS102 class about life, politics, and everything else last week. I took that brief pretty literally Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 26

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Staff Reporter

Holy shit. We’re getting pretty close to the end of Critic for the year, only one more to go. And I really didn’t think that we would get some of the ODT’s greatest work this close to the end. But they literally stopped me in my tracks this week, and in the business section, no less! (yes, I take Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 26

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

It’s hard to draw boundaries between art and pornography when representing sex. Erotica seems to go back forever - the earliest known man-made sculpture is the 26,000-year-old “Venus of Willendorf”, widely interpreted as a fertility symbol with its large breasts and accentuated vulva. In our Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 26

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Toby Newberry

Last week we chronicled the rise of Heshen, a Chinese official who became absurdly wealthy in the late 18th century. This week, we bear witness to his fall. Last week ended at Step Two of “Heshen’s guide to amassing inappropriately large stashes of treasure”, and we’ll pick up at Step Three after a Read more...

For The Record | Issue 26

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 30th September 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

The xx are three British twentysomethings who dress in black and create stripped-down minimalist pop with haunting melodic precision and a zealously apathetic atmosphere. Read that last sentence again. Now go and beat your head against a fucking wall to get that PR-spun marketing dross out of your Read more...