Columns

Rating: 0.5/5

Located in the centre of the link, Café Albany is the closest café for those in Central who don’t want to leave the building. Just like fresher tramps, their main action comes from people desperate for a quick fix and those who don’t know any better.

The service at Albany lacks enthusiasm, as you are most likely encountering the staff in the midst of a nine-hour shift. As a result of Albany not being “cutting-edge” or “ironically kitsch,” the baristas seem to treat everyone with equal indifference. They don’t care whether you are getting three cupcakes and a large hot chocolate for one, or asking if their orb beans are 100% Arabica.

The coffee here is pretty appalling. The foam is stiffer than Daniel Bedingfield during a Cassie performance, and they tend to cake their cappuccinos with so much cinnamon that it’s hard to finish without gagging. Speaking of gagging, Café Albany have a ginger latte “special” which is essentially a piss-weak coffee with some syrup and floating chunks of ginger. Special? Really?

Café Albany uses a strange ticketing system in which they give you a number like commoners in a suburban fish and chip shop – even Mei Wah remembers your order. Along with the “help yourself” serviette/ condiment section, the ticketing really cuts out that extra bit of human interaction. During mornings this place is always thronging, probably due to its cheap bevs and location.

But it’s not all bad for Café Albany. They do have a really good coffee card rewards system, which operates in all University-run cafés, and their cupcakes can be a little slice of diabetic heaven if you’re in the mood for a one-to-one ratio of icing to cake. In first year G used to make a fortnightly trip to Café Albany to eat her feelings post-physics labs in the form of a black forest cupcake.

Café Albany has a central location that allows them to cash in on frantic students. If you’re not there for a quick cupcake or filo, M and G urge you to simply jog on.