Columns

This week, Critic was tempted to run with lines and lines of “I must deliver the newspaper every week”; but, dearest readers, we could already feel your disappointment. So turning to the website instead, here is a selection of your favourite newspaper’s best headlines.

DCC to remove landslip as matter of ‘public interest’

As opposed to a matter of who else’s interest, we wonder? The landslip in question has been blocking access to a number of properties in Portobello since June 17, a fact that could possibly produce a more weighted headline.

Rory ‘happy to get medal’

We were always the kids who found success devastating. Why isn’t the dude disappointed for the others? How selfish …

Pharmac hears of priorities

What are these “priority” things you speak of? Critic hazards to guess that big pharma companies have one priority: cold, hard cash.

City library users book up debt

Heeey! We see what you did there, clever reporter! Critic’s proud of you. Couldn’t have done it better ourselves.

Prices hitting home

Not at all the usual way to describe changing property prices. Never. Groundbreaking stuff.

And finally:

The roast goes international

Damn! We kept it a New Zealand secret for so long!!!!