Archive

Scooby Dooooo.....n't Make Me Watch Any More Of These

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Owen Clarke

I watched all 41 episodes of Scooby Doo, Where Are You? in four days. Last night, I dressed up in a white sheet with two holes for eyes and skulked around my flat roof going “Oooooo”. This morning, I was diagnosed villainously insane by a local psychiatrist. I have no memory of these Read more...

The Best Caffeine Hit on Campus

Posted 6:52pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Erin Gourley

Bean juice, java, a cup of joe, the good stuff, espresso, café, a brew, COFFEE. I love it. You also love it, unless you’re a Mormon or one of those people who thinks caffeine is ‘bad for you’. I put myself on the line for coffee lovers and ordered flat whites at ten places Read more...

Left in the Lurch: What Happens When Your Flatmate Stops Paying Rent

Posted 6:39pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Erin Gourley

There are a lot of ways to waste your money (daily coffees, essential oils, cheap shots that are mostly syrup, fancy peanut butter from the Farmers Market). But there are none worse than paying off the rent that your flatmate didn’t pay. Ari Cameron-Smith lived out that scenario. This year, he Read more...

Revisiting the Riots

Posted 6:35pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

As our 150th anniversary dawns, it seems only fitting that we honour all of Otago’s past – not just the fancy past that the weird 150th anniversary merchandise gift shop in the Link wants you to know about.  Critic talked to students and police who were present at the three Read more...

The Best Vending Machine on Campus: A Critic Investigation

Posted 6:23pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

University is hard work. Fortunately, our corporate overlords have placed easy access to delicious food and refreshing beverages all over campus. Quenching yourself has never been easier, but how do you know which machine to use?  The nearly twenty vending machines available on campus can be Read more...

The Great Critic Party Review

Posted 9:11pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic

Back To School – The Courtyard  Ah the first night of Flo Week, when second years shed their fresher skins and emerge like butterflies from their chrysalises. They are dirtied and hardened; many are health sci veterans who have acquired a taste for pingas, Long Whites and Billy Read more...

Drunk Interviews With Drunk People

Posted 8:29pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Owen Clarke

Drunk Scottish Girl Found Pissing Behind Bushes on Castle Hey, I’m with Critic, was hoping to ask you some questions. Ayeee, alright! *waves off two friends who are staggering in a rough semicircle nearby* Great. Do you have much interest in foreign affairs? How do you feel about Read more...

The Night’s Watch

Posted 8:23pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Erin Gourley

“We’re not expecting a big night,” Pete from Campus Watch tells me, making a bold prediction that turns out to be way off the mark. We’re standing on the corner of Albany Street and Forth Street, watching a procession of drunken students in Highlanders jumpsuits leaving the Read more...

Which Hall Has the Loosest Drinking Rules: A Critic Investigation

Posted 9:53pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Charlie O’Mannin

Residential colleges: the places where you made your first adult friend, both got and gave your first disappointing oral sex, and then stopped talking to said adult friend, leading to many many awkward hallway interactions.   They’re also the places where most students have their first Read more...

Nags to Riches: How I Tried (and Failed) to Game the Omakau Horse Races

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Winnie Red

One sunny Dunedin day, I was enjoying my freedom with some leisurely drunk reading of Carl Sagan’s “Billions & Billions”, when I came across a story about the invention of the chessboard: Once upon a time, the Counsellor to a King gave the King a new game: chess. In a fit of Read more...

How to Get Through University Doing as Little Work as Possible

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Let’s face it, everyone’s dream paper is one where you can spend all your time in some state of intoxication and still pass with ease.  Since not everyone has an older sibling who can give them some realistic course advice, Critic thought we would do a bit of the legwork and Read more...

Adam Sandler is the Karl Marx of our Generation: A Critical Analysis

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

18 films. Two psychoanalyses. One terrible comedy album. We have now reached the end of our time here at Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream. What a journey we have been on together. To be honest, there was a period in which I didn’t even know if I would be writing this. But here we Read more...

Harleneing With The Stars

Posted 10:55pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

With a nervous gait, Harlene approaches my table of destiny (we couldn’t actually get her to do it, so we just got Chelle to pretend to be her). Trembling, she sits down. Harlene is seeking divine answers. I tell her I am most willing to oblige (for international fees). Harlene reluctantly Read more...

Turning Back the Pages of Time: Critic Through the Ages

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Callum Doyle

Well, it’s come to this. We ran out of drugs to do, weird artists to interview and ways to make fun of commerce students. So, what do you do when you run out of ideas? When sitcoms ran out of ideas they’d string together clips from older episodes (or just put Joey and Rachel together, Read more...

The Eternal Flame of Couch Burning

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Caroline Moratti

When I envision how couch burning started in this glorious city we call home, a couple of scenarios go through my mind. Maybe our young hero who, sick of having flat arguments about heat pump usage, had a fit of rage and decided to burn the living room furniture as if to say “Fuck you ya cheap Read more...

The Top Things of 2018

Posted 6:56pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Joel MacManus

Here at Critic, we consider it our job to tell you what to think so that you don’t have to. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves while we eat fish n chips and get on the piss and then justify it as journalism by writing about it afterwards. Anyway, here’s a list of the best Read more...

The History of the Critic/ODT Journalism Turf War

Posted 11:43pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

New Zealand is a small country. We’d fit in the pocket of a real country and be indistinguishable from lint. Our small population moulds our news outlets into unusual beasts. One of the most unusual is the Otago Daily Times, the hyper-local community newspaper that in the midst of the digital Read more...

I Tried the Vogue White Wine & Eggs Diet and It Nearly Killed Me

Posted 10:33pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Saskia Rushton-Green

I am not a resilient person, spiritually or physically. I become distressed when I don’t get my 5+ a day and I cried the other day because I remembered the time six months ago that an old lady was mean to me.  So, I thought that doing this objectively bad diet would be great. You know, Read more...

Do You Even Lift, Sis?

Posted 5:52pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Powerlifting is a rapidly growing sport among women in Dunedin. Chelle Fitzgerald chats to five badass local competitors about the rise of female lifters.     Weightlifting is currently one of the fastest growing female sports. Stereotypes around what a female lifter looks like Read more...

How To Find A Boyfriend

Posted 8:52pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Alice is your typical depressed, thot 2nd year student. She’s never had a boyfriend, something to do with “focusing on her studies in high school”. However, it’s been fucking cold outside and with the plummeting temperatures comes an increased desire to spoon that random guy Read more...