Archive

‘80s Playboys: Reviewing the Sins of Our Fathers

Posted 9:25pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

I’ve never really considered myself a classy man. The last time I wore a blazer was to the Hayward College Ball in 2017. The closest I’ve gotten to smoking a cigar is trying a ten dollar disposable vape out the back of The Bog. I don’t really understand what liqueur is, and I Read more...

“I Was Forced Out of My Home” – Interviews with Former Syrian Refugees

Posted 6:14pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Norhan El Sanjak

A day that started off as a movement working towards action for climate change rapidly turned into a day where New Zealand was shaken to its core. The video that circulated following the Christchurch mosque shootings deeply affected those who watched it. For two young Syrian refugees – Read more...

Beset By Debt | Overblown Student Loans

Posted 6:13pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Out of sight, out of mind. That’s how I found myself an additional $12K in the hole to IRD. A tale as old as time (the ’90s), many a former student will spin you a similar yarn. A yarn of how we all fucked off to Australia when National was elected in, in search of a better life. And Read more...

A Critic Sex Toy Review

Posted 3:33am Friday 5th April 2019 by Critic

Amore Sweet Bunny Vibe by Adulttoymegastore - on sale for $59.95 First of all, this toy is USB rechargeable, which is really the only way to go because it’s 2019. So, if you’re still sticking batteries in your vibrator, cease and desist. Under the sheets the sound was muffled Read more...

An Interview with the New Zealand Prostitutes Collective

Posted 9:28pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

In 2003, the Prostitution Reform Act was passed, changing history and the lives of sex workers around New Zealand - the only country in the world where there is a law focusing on the human rights and wellbeing of sex workers. The New Zealand Prostitutes Collective (NZPC) is the closest equivalent to Read more...

The Great Critic Sex Store Review

Posted 9:28pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

It’s hard out there to have yourself a good sexytime. Uni life is damn stressful, and sometimes it’s just so much easier to binge-watch hours of Kath & Kim before ending the night with a sad handy. But fear not! Chelle and Sinead took to the mean streets of the D to find the best Read more...

Calling Out Consent

Posted 9:18pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: sexual violence mentioned     How do you know if someone wants to have sex with you? Seriously, how do you? This is the question that researchers like Dr Melanie Beres have asked over 100 people from a range of ages, genders, and sexual orientations. Their Read more...

The Conclusion to the Bed Sheet Wanker

Posted 9:09pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Owen Clarke

Read the mystery here   “Ass, you sneaky bugger,” you say, pointing. “You said you were stargazing, but there aren’t even any stars out tonight! It’s too cloudy!” “Fuck,” says Ass. He shrugs and kicks at the floor. “To be fair Read more...

The Scandal of the Bed Sheet Wanker

Posted 9:07pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Owen Clarke

It’s dark. The sun has set, and thick clouds obscure any light from the stars and moon above. Streetlights are being lit, horse drawn carriages are clacking across cobblestones, people are wearing dumbass wigs, and it smells like shit everywhere because, well, people are basically throwing Read more...

Don’t Fuck With Me! I Learned Kung Fu in a Shipping Container

Posted 11:21pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Owen Clarke

Shipping containers. “The melting pot of the human condition,” said Nietzsche. The “ultimate proving ground for the spirit of mankind,” said Kierkegaard. Or were both those quotes from my high school weed dealer, Big Steve, who lived in a shipping container himself? When I Read more...

For Those of Us Left Behind: How to Grieve

Posted 11:14pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Esme Hall

Content warning: suicide, Christchurch shooting     My best friend committed suicide in 2017. When I started working at Critic the following year, I wanted to write about grieving that irrevocable loss. I wanted to do something with my pain. Scrape it off me and mould it into Read more...

Is Hayward Haunted? An Investigation Based Purely on Rumour and Speculation

Posted 10:31pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

It’s always been a difficult task to pin down a ghost. Developments in science and technology have led many people to believe that ghosts aren’t real. Despite this, rumours of spooky happenings still manage to spread throughout our society, and colleges are hotbeds of rumour. In a Read more...

The Most Pointless Phrasebook You’ll Ever Read

Posted 11:36pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Erin Gourley

None of these phrases will help you find a train station. But at least you’ll learn some Arabic slang, a few Cherokee phrases, and a selection of Japanese inspirational quotes.   German Er ist dumm wie Bohnenstroh. Pronunciation: Ur ist dumm vee Bor-nen-straw. He is as dumb Read more...

The Inside Job - The Conclusion

Posted 11:12pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Owen Clarke

“SLADE!” you bellow. “You said you’d been taking a hot shower for ages, but there was no fog on the mirror when I came inside. I remember, I threw myself finger guns in it!” Slade’s grimaces. “You shithead. You just had to get all snoopy, didn’t Read more...

The Inside Job

Posted 11:11pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Owen Clarke

The following tale details the events of a casual Sunday afternoon. You, the reader, have just returned from a relaxing cricket game with a delicious pizza when suddenly…. it goes missing. You must carefully utilize the clues given to deduce the suspect. Happy Read more...

The Critic Guide to Relaxing Around Campus

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

The life of a student is a life of stress. Countless classes, assignments and exams will all get the better of us sooner or later. Things are hard sometimes. That’s why you deserve to take a minute to sit with your friends and kick back. There are lots of places around Uni that can help you Read more...

The Best Vape Spots Around Campus

Posted 10:32pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Henessey Griffiths

If you’re a poor student like me who craves the sweet satisfaction of nicotine, then boy do I have something for you. Vaping, the cheaper alternative to smoking. For a while, I was anti-vaping. The big clouds and unusual flavours were a turn-off for me. But once the price of darts went up and Read more...

The Birds in the Gardens’ Aviary Rated on Their Resemblance to Mariah Carey

Posted 10:14pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Phillip Plant

Have you ever wanted to be an ornithologist, are you a keen bird watcher, or do you just want to catch the avian flu? Then the aviary at the botanical gardens is the place for you (disclaimer: there’s probably no avian flu at the botans, that was just a joke). “But I've never been Read more...

Can You Buy Drugs From Houses With Shoes on the Powerline? A Critic Investigation

Posted 7:27pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Sinead Gill

North Dunedin is full of students again, and the stocks of almost-legal substances are getting low. This Critic reporter went on the hunt for drugs using one of the oldest methods in the book. The powerline method. For those unfamiliar with this method, it stems from the urban legend that when Read more...

Law Camp: A History

Posted 7:25pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by James Joblin

Law Camp. Last year, this post-admission honeymoon retreat for two hundred thrusting second year law students was exposed to be a weekend not of whispering “I do law…” into one another’s ears, but rather a weekend of nudity, aggressive drinking, and grand-slam jelly Read more...