Archive

City Councillor Encourages Wholesome, Old-Timey Kids Activities

Posted 2:36am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Firebrand councillor Pete No-Fun voiced stern opposition to a planned multi-million dollar kids playground today, saying that it was a waste of money and that he didn’t need a large, elaborate playground to have a perfectly happy, fulfilling childhood.  He spoke up after Mayor A.A. Ron Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 2:33am Monday 9th August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Macaroni and Cheese Few things in life are as good as a bowl of carbohydrate drenched in creamy, cheese laden sauce. Some people like to add veggies to their mac and cheese, and look, I will not judge you if you do that. You are free to make your mac and cheese as you wish. In my opinion though, Read more...

Booze Reviews | NZ Lager

Posted 2:32am Monday 9th August 2021 by Chug Norris

NZ lager is without a doubt one of the most reliable drinks in Aotearoa. Like a plank of four by two, a per capita medal tally, and a piece of number eight wire, it represents the robust, old NZ that may still exist but has been obscured by metropolitan ideals. The can is black, the colour of the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:30am Monday 9th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Bringing eye drops with you to town, no one needs to know. My family dog not dying (at time of writing, I will update next week). Pushing in the pint night line because you “know someone”. My new best friend happens to be just before those metal dividers. Walking home Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 2:18am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time for your annual breakdown. Make sure you schedule in extra self-care this week. Start using more post-it notes to organise your life.  Workout to try: running    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Do some fucking study for God’s Read more...

GUEST EDITORIAL: I spent six months undercover in a neo-Nazi group and it was not fun

Posted 12:45am Monday 9th August 2021 by Elliot Weir

The only funny moment throughout this investigation was on a hike undercover, when three members of Action Zealandia were captivated by an impressive rainbow stretched out across the Wellington skyline. They insisted that, because it had seven colours rather than six, it was “God’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

BCom Student Reckons Weekly Ski Trips Help You Study

Posted 6:40pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Toby Tremain, a BCom student at Otago, has made waves with his bold claims that weekly ski trips help rather than hinder your grades. “Yeah look mate, it’s all about balance isn’t it,” he yelled at the Critical Tribune’s sole reporter out the window of OUSA’s Read more...

Dunedin Shitposter Lives Perfectly Wholesome, Balanced Life

Posted 6:39pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin shitposter has revealed the secret to his page’s consistently on-point humour: healthy living.  Tane is the admin of “gear up buttercup,” whose posts about the little everyday struggles of life are beloved by his 23,185 Facebook followers. What few of those Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:33pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Alice Taylor

I love granola, but I certainly do not love the price of the store bought stuff. The good granola costs about $2 per seed, and that simply is not okay. So instead, I buy my ingredients in bulk and make it at home. This is the basic recipe, but you can mix it up with whatever nuts and seeds you Read more...

Guest Edition Booze Review: Water

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Bert "Diggity Dog" Dangerfield

Salutations, it’s your old mate Bert Dangerfield (Ex Regional Worksafe Co-Coordinator Southern Southland Region) here to talk to you about the elixir of youth. Did you know that multiple studies have consistently shown that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption? Alcohol has Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:38pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate My friend who suddenly cares about the Olympics because she wants to root one of the NZ swimmers. Go queen!! He is probably in a dry spell with those cardboard beds.  Watching breathas get upset on their Instagram stories when Kanye predictably delayed his album, great Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:37pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Stop taking unjustified risks. It’s not funny, it’s just stupid.  Hobby to try: sobriety    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Don’t let the imposter syndrome bring you down. You got this.  Hobby to try: Read more...

Editorial: The Google game is the best part of the Olympics

Posted 1:21am Saturday 31st July 2021 by Erin Gourley

The Olympics are great. I love being distracted from my life by watching people who are more motivated than me and hotter than me do pointless tasks. But the Google game that they’ve created for the Olympics? It’s even better than the real thing. At first I was confused. It seemed Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Derry Dick

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

It was a typical evening on Grindr. Not much was happening. I was being sent a few unsolicited dick pics y'know, just the standard scrolling and sending boring messages. My ex had broken up with me recently, so at this stage of my life I was near rock bottom.  I started talking to a Read more...

Third-Year Blames Freshers For Illness, Not Week of Binge Drinking

Posted 6:03pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Logan, a third year student studying geography, has come to the conclusion the Fresher Flu, spread by first-years, is to blame for his current cough and runny nose. He has been on a bender for five days but he insists that this is unrelated to his current illness.  “My immune system is Read more...

GRFT101 Is The First Ever Tertiary-Level Grifting Course

Posted 6:02pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Otago Universe-City LTD has released a new product to the North Dunedin market. The limited liability company said in a press release that it was “excited” and “thrilled” to be offering the southern hemisphere’s first class on grifting as a first step in establishing Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:00pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Alice Taylor

Like most good things in life, cooking lasagne takes time, effort and emotional energy. But it is well worth it. If you feel like devoting a few hours into making something quite extraordinary, then I encourage you to cook this recipe. I have intentionally made this lasagne quite large because if Read more...

Kingfisher Lager

Posted 5:57pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Chug Norris

I consumed Kingfisher after an incredibly dusty Thursday in Re-O Week. As I perused the selection at Leith Liquor, I could think only of the inevitable pain that another box would bring me, and the horrors of Dunedin drinking culture which had led me to this point. I had only tried Kingfisher once Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:54pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Making out. I think it’s a dead romance! I love just lazily making out with someone all morning. Beautiful stuff.  People who ASK if they can choke you. WAY better than just randomly being near-suffocated in the Subs bathrooms with no warning. Those boxers that have a little Read more...