Archive

The Leek | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Following the graduation ceremony at Dunedin’s Town Hall this weekend, the University of Otago has officially rescinded the degrees awarded to a number of graduands of Arts and Commerce. The graduation ceremony, while by no means intended to be a completely staid event throughout, has long Read more...

Editorial | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Callum Fredric

IntroductionLast year, the Ministry of Social Development released its flagship White Paper for Vulnerable Children, containing a raft of recommendations for protecting New Zealand children who are at risk of poverty, neglect, and abuse. Now, the Ministry of Misopedia has been tasked with a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

JoffreyI had a quick drink before I decided to head off for Angus, turns out it took 30 mins exactly. I walked in, spoke with the staff, sat at the bar and started on the tab. When my date came in we exchanged names, and soon after I realised I had forgotten hers already. I decided the better move Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The Dunedin Farmers Market is such a stalwart event of weekly awesomeness and deliciousness that I wouldn’t have thought that it even needs introduction. But it seems that this Saturday morning ritual goes on under many Otago students’ oblivious noses. Early each Saturday, under the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jamie Breen

In front page news, a Queenstown bouncer tells us that it’s not a crime when you’ve gotten away with something before. Seems legit. More from the front page: A beautiful and inspiring story of a lost goldfish returning to its tank. Now appropriately named “Lucky,” the fish was found Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Right! STIs part three: no time for foreplay – let’s just dive right in. Then out. Then in again. Then out. Then pause for a breather. Then in again. Gonorrhoea:Annual number of cases in NZ (20-24yrs): 306 per 100,000 people (0.31%) As common as: Sharing a birthday with the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week in history, some new places are confirmed to exist, and forensic science becomes a thing. 30 April, 1492: After two years of negotiations with the Spanish government, Christopher Columbus received his commission of exploration. He then sailed off to Central and South America and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but it’s emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why it’s only as important as you make it out to be. Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say it’s a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by M and G

While strolling through the Octagon, M and G spied some eye-talian looking wicker tables and chairs between Ra Bar and The Craic. They curiously stumbled into Thistle like Edmond and Lucy into Narnia. The quiet café had a peaceful air with an enormous glitzy chandelier, polished wood, and Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, what comes to mind when you first think of genetic engineering? Crazy mutant fish with three eyes and wings? Mutated food that will turn you into half a plant when you eat it? Or maybe you think of evil businesses that rip off other farmers. Well, let’s clarify a few things. I wish I could tell Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

We all do weird shit during exam time. If your study regime includes eating copious amounts of tuna and drinking five triple-shot long blacks per day, by all means, continue. If you spend this week’s grocery money on pens from Smiggle because frankly Bic biros are balls, I understand this too. We Read more...

Love Online | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Hey girl how was your new years n christmas? HOpe u ddnt get upto too much mischif hehe Anyways im new here just having a nosey as im off work till 14 january so thougt id come here c if i can meet someone nice i could get to know n chill with have a laugh with, go for a drive at 1am to get Read more...

The Leek | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

In a startling exposé, conservationists observing the elusive Otago Scarfie have revealed that this species may be teetering on the brink of extinction. Results of an in-depth study carried out over the past three months have caused scientists to place Otago Scarfies on the “critically endangered” Read more...

Proctology | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Josie Cochrane

Proctology’s Hyde Street Special begins with a marketing student who attempted to gain work experience at Hyde Street after she ordered a batch of green wristbands online to sell for entry. Police were informed, intercepted the courier and subsequently delivered the wristbands to the girl’s house Read more...

Editorial | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

As you may have noticed, the cover of this week’s Critic is adorned with the mugshot of a criminal. He probably stole some pharmaceuticals. Damn that’s a smooth segue. Let’s talk pharmaceuticals. Not in the context of ranting about Big Pharma and how they’re conspiring to get the world Read more...

Love Online | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Tunnel Beach is Dunedin’s best worst-kept secret. It’s one of those places that makes every local nod if you ask them about it. Magically, though, Tunnel Beach never attracts the tourist hordes like St. Clair or even Sandfly Bay. The beach is located around eight kilometres from the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jess Cole

This week, the ODT essentially calls a world-renowned vet a sheep shagger. Meanwhile, things were “heating up” (lolzz) in Cromwell when the volunteer fire brigade was pulled out of the pub to attend to a patch of grass. But the action didn’t stop there, with the Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Last week we talked about how men’s members measure up, shedding some light on what an “average” dick actually is. And while, much like a Health Sci, we tried to dress it up in a lab coat and pretend it was medically relevant, it was ultimately a column stating “It’s not the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, records and computers go bad, but the Internet does all right. 23 April 1564: William Shakespeare was allegedly born. The exact date of his birth isn’t known, because somebody in the eighteenth century wrote their records down wrong, but he was baptised on the 26th so people Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Young people struggle with identity issues. Things would be much easier if humans were hive-minded beings of singular purpose (probably galactic conquest), but we aren’t. We are billions of young and often directionless moulds, which is why our Facebook “inspirational people” are actually kind of Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by M and G

2/5 Coffee Cups After the vodka, gin, jelly shots, scrumpy, Pulse, and beer of Hyde Street keg party, M and G needed a coffee and a pie to rinse away the regret of the day. Early on Sunday morning, they crawled into the car and drove around until they found themselves at the BP on the way to Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Bryony Leeke

It’s time for a column about evolution. Don’t worry, I’m not going to preach about the problem with creationism – that debate has been going on for years, and by this point most people know evolution is real, and a few will never be convinced otherwise. Aside from the occasional “Challenge to Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Elsie Stone

Lectures can be pretty dicey – they force a room full of strangers to tolerate each other for hours at a time. Some of us are happy, most of us are pissed off. Some of us are actually listening to what the lecturer says, most of us are doing more important things (like sleeping). The potential for Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. if this Read more...

Failient | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

The title of this week’s Salient was “Offensive?” The answer was a resounding “No.” Nothing in this issue offended anyone. Attached is a list of mild, inoffensive content: 1) Crass sexual jokes about Christians, specifically: nuns. About as edgy as ripping out Rebecca Black or the Westboro Read more...

The Leek | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

With a startlingly low nine arrests made by Dunedin police at this year’s Hyde Street Keg Party compared to last year’s 15, it appears that students have really cleaned up their act under threat of discontinuance of Hyde Streets for years to come. Or have they? After talking with the gallant police Read more...

Editorial | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

8.30am – Arrived at Allpress for all-important coffee. Refused to reveal who wrote the “Cutest Barista in the World” letter in Issue 06. Critic always protects its sources. 9am – Downed some beers and novelty shots outside Leith Liquor with the Critic team to “take the edge off.” Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

ClydeI was already a few beers down when I arrived at Moon Bar. As I sat down, the girl across the table from me was no moonface – she had flowing raven hair, and was looking sexy and sophisticated in a dark blue winter coat and chesnut Italian leather ankle boots. I knew immediately that I wanted Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! It’s a subject that we talk about all the time, but never actually discuss: tiny todgers. Judging by word of mouth, all men have a larger-than-average dick. This makes me wonder when the hell a members’ bill was passed redefining the word “average” to something other than what Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week one of the better-remembered Kings of England takes the throne, which makes up for not much else actually happening. 21 April, 1509: The 18-year-old Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England and started causing trouble. His first order of business was to change his mind about who Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Why are some LGBT against gay marriage? Some of them commented on my Facebook red equals sign DP saying they didn’t like it. The Facebook “paint the town red” marriage equality thing was a Human Rights Campaign initiative, which is why your more sceptical liberal might not be on board. The Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by M and G

The Good Oil is like a female PE student. Her exterior has some seriously good assets that make you really want to come inside, but soon you discover just how thick and douchey she is and decide you have no time for her. This basically describes M and G’s relationship with the not-so-Good Oil. Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

It just got bloody cold. It’s dark when you wake up. The assignments are piling up. Mid-semesters are looming. Do you have the winter blues? Surprise! It’s a real thing. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that hits about 6% of people every winter, especially in places with Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

#1. The issue with snacks in the library is that the sound of other people eating is one of the most aggravating noises in the world. The sound of crinkling wrappers or an apple crunching stirs a very dark rage in the core of my being. But snacktime is also the best meal ever invented (apart from Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

You don’t need me to tell you that New Zealand is beautiful. Everyone from Prince Charles to Bear Grylls can tell you as much. But just because you grew up here and you occasionally holiday in the Coromandel doesn’t mean you’ve truly appreciated New Zealand’s crazy-good nature bits. So, during your Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jess Cole

As any keen cunthunter in Monkey can attest, getting it in two holes is indeed fortunate. Later, the ODT celebrated the cultural submergence of some singing students, despite the fact that a visit to the Chinese Gardens prepares you for Beijing like NCEA prepares you for the real Read more...

Love Online | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Failient | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

1) Salient’s sixth issue was on the theme of “Communication”. So when they devoted two full pages to an interview with a guy who gave a masterclass in how to use lot of words to say absolutely nothing, maybe it was an attempt at irony. Sample answer: “If you recognise the sacredness of every Read more...

The Leek | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Across the nation this week, supermarkets, grocery stores, dairies, and even the more extensively stocked gas stations have experienced a crippling shortage of eggs. Finding repeatedly that their egg orders were not being filled, some stockists became simultaneously incensed and curious, and Read more...

Proctology | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Zane Pocock

Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dunedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm Read more...

Love Online | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Editorial | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

I’m always up for a solid money-making rort. My car is adorned with dozens of parking receipts, designed to deter parking wardens from checking whether I have actually paid for parking on a given day. If I do pay for parking, I only buy 10 cents’ worth, limiting my liability to a $10 “expired Read more...

The Leek | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Amid tight government funding, falling enrolments and increased operational costs, the University of Otago has had to accept a rather tight budget for 2013 in order to continue to provide students with the high-quality services we’ve grown so accustomed to. At a University Council meeting, Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Erma Dag

Some people want a ritzy inner-city apartment, in which they can recline on a bespoke eight-seater couch upholstered in the finest polar bear pelt, snort mountains of cocaine, and sit on their balcony dining on poached Galapagos tortoise and stroking their pet snow leopard while observing the plebs Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If your only means of getting out of the ghetto any time soon is the old waewae express, look no further than Dunedin’s local Mount Lee (that’s where the famous Beverley Hills Hollywood sign calls home). Signal Hill is a prominent finger of hilly goodness that rises sharply up from the Harbour, just Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Jess Cole

The ODT sought to get right amongst the spirit of the holidays, reporting on key Easter issues such as the number of New Zealanders who claimed rabbit, egg, and hot cross bun-related injuries last year. Apparently (incorrectly) assuming their average reader has an intelligence level Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

By now, many of you have probably fallen victim to the infamous Fresher Flu. With winter soon approaching, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is the (real) flu as well as the cold. The best thing you can do to help get you through, flu-free, is to grab yourself a flu shot. And before you stop Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

This week I’m going to try to help some of you poor ignorant wretches out there who are embarrassing themselves on Facebook. We are young students, frequently engaging in shenanigans and debauchery, often vomiting in public places and having awkward sexual experiences – our lives are pretty Read more...