For Fuck's Sake | Issue 08
If possible, avoid talking to people. Luckily, awkward conversations with strangers can be pretty easily avoided via either (a) a helpful buffer of friends sitting on either side of you, or (b) an even more helpful one-seat buffer that any polite stranger will leave between you and them. But there is no buffer for protection from those in the rows in front of and behind you. So naturally some pretty awkward shit can go down.
The worst of said shit is catching the eye of someone sitting in the row ahead in the reflection of their laptop screen. Eye-catching in general is bad, but this is worse, because although itís easy to accidentally do, the indirectness of the contact gives the impression that you must have intended it to happen and thus are a creep. Eye-catching is the pits because it can very easily turn into a vicious cycle Ė itís hard to do just once. I donít know why movies portray catching someoneís eye as something cute that happens in elevators and turns into true love. Itís not cute, itís odd Ė and it only ever turns into the other person thinking that you are a psychopath.
Lectures are deceptive, because itís easy to retreat into a bubble and forget that you arenít alone. Believe me, you may think that you can send your friends a snapchat of your triple chins and that people wonít notice, but they will. Every time you play a round of Temple Run, the people sitting behind you are equally as concerned for the health and safety of Guy Dangerous (your average explorer) as you guide him on the hunt for the golden idol. You cannot have a private conversation, you cannot discreetly eat an apple.
Lectures are bad, and awkward shit is worse. Together they are fucking terrible. Unfortunately, we cannot complete our university degrees from the safety of our beds (believe me, Iíve tried). So venture out with care, fuckers, and good luck.