Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Virgin Air and Land Ways

Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but itís emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why itís only as important as you make it out to be.

Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say itís a special moment, but I felt like it wasnít!
ďLosing your virginityĒ comes with baggage of all different shapes and weights, which we pick up from the many cultural influences weíre all subject to. If you felt like it wasnít a big deal, then you probably just took a bit of hand-luggage onto Sexually Active Airways rather than the 23kg suitcase many people find themselves carrying. Iím not saying this to undermine whatever importance or non-importance it has for you, just to demonstrate that the significance of the ďeventĒ is personal, rather than empirical.

But what about staying pure? Having sex ruins that!
The whole ďinnocenceĒ thing is part of the cultural baggage I just mentioned! If you have, since birth, been fed the message that having sex released a small animal into your body that ate your organs and thatís what cramps are, then you will probably be of the opinion that sexually active women are foolhardy and deserve that pain. Itís the same thing with sex and innocence Ė you consider sex-havers ďimpureĒ because thatís what you hear. Losing your virginity will not change your moral status!

Iím gay Ė what counts as losing my virginity?
To continue the Sexually Active Airways metaphor: Sometimes people take the train, or drive, or pilot their own helicopter. There are many ways to get to your destination (this is code for climax). ďLosing your virginityĒ is basically whatever you decide is the most momentous occasion for you, because in all honesty it has no physical significance. Your body doesnít spit out a ball of purity pus after intercourse. To share a personal story: I consider the second person I slept with to be my big debut, because it was a more emotional event. What Iím saying is that whichever interaction you see as most defining your entrance into the world of sex can be your moment of ďlost virginity.Ē

I still think virginity is a faulty concept, but I realise itís important to many people. If you want to make a momentous occasion out of losing it, thatís fine! However, itís also fine for it to be a complete non-event. Remember to travel safely, kids!
This article first appeared in Issue 9, 2013.
Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl.