Archive

Midwife Crisis

Posted 10:59pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Babies are the shitty, screaming, harbingers of shit that are one of the ‘perks’ of settling down and becoming an actual adult. Luckily most of us are not in Gore, so it’s not something we have to consider for at least a few more years. And even better, there’s a whole Read more...

The Mystery of The Disappearing Fuckboi or: The Narrow Escape In The Hyde Street Sex Attic

Posted 10:55pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic

OK boys and girls, ladies and gents, strap yourself in because boy do I have a story for you. I am a first-year health science student who has recently been freed from a messy relationship, and I’ve been looking to get back on the horse - so naturally I turned to Tinder. Armed with a witty Read more...

CROSSFAT

Posted 10:49pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I’m the first to admit it; I’ve gone incredibly soft and sedentary since high school. What used to be a capable and fit dancer’s body has slowly deteriorated into good hugs and heavy partying, usually accompanied by carb-laden food and quality banter, which is not actually a thing Read more...

The Critic Guide to the Shit Towns of Otago

Posted 6:56pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Roxburgh Has singing toilets, which are an extremely common thing in most reasonably-sized cities, but for some reason are considered a tourist attraction here. The Wikipedia page lists it as “one of the country's most important apple growing regions,” which is the only time Read more...

Journey to the Mystic Crystal Castle

Posted 6:49pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Alexander Woolrych

Mullumbimby, Australia is not famous for much, apart from Iggy Azaelea and substance abuse. But there is one curiosity which manages to attract visitors from around the world to this shithole town – the Crystal Castle.  The founder of the Crystal Castle, Naren King, celebrated the Read more...

Your Rough Guide to Student Exchange

Posted 6:35pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

It’s a cold, miserable night in Dunedin. My flatmate Alice and I are on our phones drinking rum. Occasionally we’ll look up to show each other a meme or pour another glass. It’s a simple, well-worn routine, like putting on sweatpants or drunkenly calling your ex. Out of the silence Read more...

The Best Drinking Games From Around The World

Posted 6:01pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Drinking is the most essential part of travelling – just ask anyone who has been on an OE. If their best story doesn’t involve them being blackout drunk in whatever country they inflicted themselves upon, they’re either lying or went to Carrington. So, a good magazine would do some Read more...

Inside Hyde Street

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Callum Doyle

On paper, Hyde Street is really dumb, right? Or is it just me? You pay for your ticket, you buy your shit costume from one of the five shitty stores which make all their money at this time of the year and you drink enough to convince yourself you had a great time. Who would be dumb enough to do Read more...

I Took Mushrooms and Went to a Concert, Because Journalism

Posted 8:15pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

If there’s one thing that Critic has taught me, it’s that you can do the dumbest shit you can think of, and if you write about it afterwards, it’s still technically journalism. Watch every Adam Sandler movie in a year? Journalism. Wear a fedora for seven days? Journalism. Fuck a Read more...

Game of Faculties

Posted 5:54pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Lachie Robertson

If HBO weren’t being massive cockteases and making us wait a whole extra year, the new season of Game of Thrones would be out by now. But it’s not and everyone is very sad about that. To ease the pain of not having any new episodes, we fired up the ol’ imagination and Read more...

Overworked, Underpaid, Undertrained: The Nightmare Lives of RAs

Posted 5:50pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

*All the names of the RAs in this article have been changed due to strict contracts forbidding RAs to speak to the media My parents may not be legally obligated to look after my drunk ass after age 18, but someone has to if I’m not going to end up dead in a ditch. Enter Residential Read more...

The Great Campus Toilet Review

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Thomas T. Crapper

Shitting is an activity that we must all undertake, sometimes with great urgency. As a person who much prefers to make deposits in the comfort of my own home, when I receive nature’s call on campus I can’t help but curse the gods for my grave misfortune. This is mostly due to the Read more...

How Dunedin Destroyed BYOs

Posted 8:20pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

BYO culture is sacred. You get the mates and the missus together, fuck around in New World trying to find the best dollar-per standard wine, and finally saunter through some dimly-lit, red-walled restaurant with your posse. There’s something about knocking back a few glasses – or bottles Read more...

The Great Critic Fish n Chip Review

Posted 10:17pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

Fish and chips are the ultimate feed for students. They’re cheap, they’re unhealthy, they don’t ask questions or judge your lifestyle choices. Critic have left no salty stone unturned in the noble quest to deduce the best fish and chips available to the good residents of North Read more...

Could Child Sex Dolls Reduce Sexual Assault? We spoke to a Pedophile who thinks so.

Posted 9:50pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Todd E. Nickerson could have the Tinder bio of your dreams. He’s a one-armed freelance artist and graphic designer who loves “art, movies, books, science, philosophy, cooking and daydreaming”. Todd is also a self-confessed “celibate/non-offending pedophile,” who says he Read more...

The Demise of the Student Pub

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I was 16 years old the first time I ever illegally set foot in a nightclub, and that night in 2001 would pinpoint the start of a love affair with Dunedin’s vibrant student pubs and clubs scene. Drunk on Bernadino and KGBs, my best friend and I concocted an incredible backstory of being Read more...

Talking Shit About The Exec For A Bit

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Every quarter the OUSA Executive submit reports about what they’ve been doing, which the exec then votes to approve. In order to get paid, they have to have their reports approved in full. This quarter’s reports were super boring so we had our subeditors pore through them and mark Read more...

Exploring the Dunedin Wildlife Hospital

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Josephine Devereux

Walking through the doors, a fishy, salty smell filled my nostrils. No, I wasn’t in the Unicol bathrooms; I’d just entered the new Dunedin Wildlife Hospital facilities. I was here to chat with the hospital’s volunteer coordinator Lauren about the hospital, last year’s Read more...

Scarfies: The Film That Gave Taika Waititi His Big Break

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Joel MacManus

An empty flat. A quarter of a million dollars worth of weed. A drug dealer that wants to kill you. And you’ve taken him hostage in your basement. What would you do? That was the question asked by Robert Sarkie’s 1999 film “Scarfies,” the movie that put Dunedin and its Read more...

I Wore a Fedora for a Week and It Changed Me

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Nick Baird

There comes a time in every young man’s life when he must choose who he wants to become. Will he be a shining beacon of success? A piece of shit? A wizened monk devoid of all worldly thirsts? A huge piece of shit? All options are on the table, but it’s hard to know which pool you should Read more...