Archive

Critic Booze Reviews | Issue 8

Posted 2:35pm Sunday 23rd April 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Holy fucking shit this stuff is a gamechanger. Banrock Station has taken some mediocre rose, mixed it with delicious juice and a whole bunch of sugar and produced the most scullable wine product on the market (seriously, the label says ‘wine product’, as if they can’t legally call Read more...

Voices from Beyond the Grad | Issue 8

Posted 2:30pm Sunday 23rd April 2017 by Helen Heath

Come on body, move, I think to myself as I roll over onto my back and stare up at the white tent that encases my little world. Out of the corner of my eye Thai archaeologists and workers climb the wooden ladder out of our 4.5m deep pit. It is the final days of excavating, and saying that I am tired Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Issue 8

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 23rd April 2017 by Alexander Woolrych

In India only 4% of the resident 500 million cows are destined to be consumed by humans as India’s major religion, Hinduism, holds cows sacred. Instead, when a cow dies it is left to be eaten by vultures. Vultures in India are thus dependent on human activity and play a massive role in the Read more...

David Clark | Issue 8

Posted 11:41am Sunday 23rd April 2017 by David Clark

To keep my finger on the pulse of goings on in Dunedin North, I like to visit local businesses regularly. Some of my favourites of late have been in the tech space. Animation Research and Tussock Innovation in the CBD, RocketWerkz down by the wharf, and Runaway over at NHNZ are all established Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 8

Posted 11:15am Sunday 23rd April 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

They march out of the dramatic mist, the team that will save us. Dripping with heroism, they strike a pose, ready to confront the forces of evil.   Next, we head to the toxic swamp that is the column section. Yeah, that message about how shit it was that the Pope was giving out Read more...

Editorial | Issue 8

Posted 10:29am Sunday 23rd April 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Around half the emails I get are from people wanting to do the Cookin’ Up Love blind date. That’s cool, but seriously, guys, you can do a whole lot of great things for Critic that don’t involve ogling a stranger over a table.  We’re a quarter of the way through the Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 7

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Apart from disease, sleeplessness may arise from an overloaded stomach, over-excitement, or cold feet. Treatment - How to sleep is to many persons a matter of high importance. Nervous persons, who are troubled with wakefulness, usually have a strong tendency of blood to the brain, with cold Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 7

Posted 1:50pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Joel MacManus

“Yeah, Accounting isn’t really what I want to do, but it’s a decent fall-back. I dunno, I guess I just wanna open myself up for opportunities, y’know… are you still paying attention, Tony?”  Oh shit, I missed half of that. Some bullshit about her degree. Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 7

Posted 1:47pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Student Support

We had an epic party but the council noise control came and took our speakers away, then they came back 2 more times and took away a laptop, then our amplifier. They are trying to make us pay 3 fines to get our stuff back. And we have to pay a separate fine to the Proctor’s office as well. Is Read more...

If You’re Looking to Get Fucked up and Start a Fight with a Lamppost, Billy Mavs Are the Way to Go.

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

If that douchebag that dropped out of your high school in year 11, wears a Monster Energy trucker cap everywhere, has ‘tribal’ tattoos despite being whiter than John Key in a snowstorm, and whose Facebook profile picture is a lowered Hilux, were an alcoholic drink, he would be a Billy Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 7

Posted 1:38pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Issue 7

Posted 1:31pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Ben Cravens

Flat Earthers believe that the world is flat, not spherical, and that the entirety of the scientific community, NASA, and the Government are hiding the truth. Yes, I know it seems ridiculous, but people all around the globe really believe this. However, maybe we’re being biased. Let’s Read more...

Voices from Beyond the Grad | Issue 7

Posted 1:25pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Kirio Birks

A new study by a team of international researchers claims that approximately 50 percent of PhD students suffer from mental health problems, ranging from chronic anxiety to clinical depression. This seems to be news to just about everybody except for postgrads. Even the new kids on the block are Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 7

Posted 11:57am Sunday 9th April 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Perpetually stuck for content, the ODT has sunk to reporting on people just continuing to exist   Over the coming years they intend to gradually report on everyone else who also continues to exist. The initiative is predicted to go down well in Patearoa, where the majority of residents Read more...

David Clark | Issue 7

Posted 11:17am Sunday 9th April 2017 by David Clark

The river most important to you is probably your local one. You may have grown up swimming in it, or you may have enjoyed a cheeky spot of fishing there. For Māori, awa form an important part of cultural heritage – they sustain communities.  As Kiwis, I believe it is our birth Read more...

Editorial | Issue 7

Posted 10:39am Sunday 9th April 2017 by Joe Higham

This year I was, perhaps naively, beginning to see a glimmer of hope in student politics that I thought could begin to eclipse the division and impotence that embedded itself in last year’s elected ten as the year progressed. The cohesion was almost unnerving having been accustomed to such Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 6

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Mat Clarkson

Zack became a Zombie during the first global outbreak when he was thirteen, and was now twenty-six. Those who were infected had since been rehabilitated, but their bodies never fully recovered. The Z-word was considered offensive from then on. One day Zack was eating alone in the park by the Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 6

Posted 2:36pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethyl and Hyde,  I’ve just been diagnosed with Celiac Disease but I can’t afford gluten free food. - Rice Cake   Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice. Send your questions Read more...

Double Brown is Criminally Under-Rated

Posted 2:29pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Double Brown is a naturally fermented bitter beer with distinctive malty character. The DoBro has achieved near-legendary status among the proudly impoverished lower class.  With its reputation preceding it, it’s easy to forget what to expect from a can of the big red. I opened my Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 6

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This affection generally occurs in females between the ages of twelve and forty-five, and it is more frequent at menstrual periods than at other times.  Causes - The present cruel method of bringing up young ladies favours the development of the disease by rendering the whole system delicate Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 6

Posted 2:16pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Economics Everywhere | Issue 6

Posted 2:11pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Wee Doubt

Elliot Castro was a telemarketer who dreamed of better things. He told journalist Jon Ronson that he “always wanted to be better.” He discovered while working his loathed job cold-calling strangers that he could tell the person on the phone that their card had been referred to the credit Read more...

Science Bitches | Issue 6

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Ben Cravens

Whether it’s from tea, coffee, energy drinks, or a square of chocolate, just about everyone gets their morning pick me up from caffeine. But caffeine isn’t entirely benign. I missed my morning coffee today and already feel a host of the normal withdrawal symptoms that go along with Read more...

Anei a Ngāti Scarfie

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Pororangi Templeton

Kia ora koutou katoa,  We are Te Roopū Māori (TRM), your Māori student voice on campus. We started off the uni year in Ngāti Scarfie style. Wiki-O was a chance for our first year tauira to initiate themselves into our campus whānau. Our events included lazer tag, Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 6

Posted 11:22am Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week the ODT’s sensationalist fear-mongering is running strong. We at ODT Watch are highly anticipating the chlorinated staplers, rubber bands, rulers and paper clips that “all supplies” surely includes. However, it could be that the ODT are just pre-empting the Read more...

David Clark | Issue 6

Posted 11:07am Sunday 2nd April 2017 by David Clark

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Voices from Beyond the Grad | Issue 6

Posted 10:59am Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Critic

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Editorial | Issue 6

Posted 10:22am Sunday 2nd April 2017 by Joe Higham

This week is Diversity Week, an annual event aimed at raising the awareness and visibility of sexuality and gender diversity. One of the features we have in this issue, written by Kyra Gillies, is called ‘Think Pink: a 101 of Pinkwashing in New Zealand’ and delves into the corporate Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 5

Posted 2:34pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethyl and Hyde,  My lab partner is a fucking dumbass and keeps interrupting me during my calculations etc. to ask questions. It messes up my train of thought and as a result I’m not getting stuff cemented mentally. How can I get them to stfu? Disclaimer: Student Support advises Read more...

In Memoriam: Honoring our favorite shitty drinks of years gone by

Posted 2:29pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Cindy’s Cindy’s burst onto the scene with the aggressive enthusiasm of a fresher whose parents didn’t let them drink in high school. Orange Cindy’s changed the game with its Fanta flavored ethanol, allowing even the pickiest drinker to get blotto with ease. Then we had Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 5

Posted 2:14pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

As a single person of the female persuasion, I decided to give this whole Tinder thing a whirl. The whole thing started out somewhat innocently; I naively thought that it would be the best place to meet other single people, and so, armed with some deceptive pseudo-attractively “well-lit” Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 5

Posted 2:10pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Economics Everywhere | Issue 5

Posted 2:05pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Wee Doubt

Do you ever order what turns out to be way too much food at a restaurant, and then eat it all anyway to “get your money’s worth?” As well as greed, you’ve fallen victim to the sunk-cost fallacy. You paid good money for the meal, and you don’t want to “waste” Read more...

Science Bitches | Issue 4

Posted 2:02pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Ben Cravens

When most people think of bees, they think of the adorable insects that give us honey. However, they’re much more than that. Our future is inextricably linked with theirs. Close to a third of America’s food supply requires honeybee pollination. But, since 2007, bees have been Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 5

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 26th March 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

I have faith that the young gentlemen of Otago University are too intelligent to indulge in the evils of self-pollution (masturbation). However, without careful vigilance, a boisterous lifestyle and impure thoughts, even without action, can lead to night-time ejaculations that will drain the vital Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 5

Posted 11:22am Sunday 26th March 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week the ODT is reporting on mysteries from beyond the realm of life and death. We at ODT Watch thought that the mystery was done and dusted when the ghost roses rose from the dead, but apparently that was merely the beginning.   Moving further into the surreal paranoid Read more...

David Clark | Issue 5

Posted 11:12am Sunday 26th March 2017 by David Clark

It’s no secret that I’m excited about the election later this year. I really enjoy campaigning, and going into this year’s election Labour is rearing to go and fighting fit. We’ve got a rejuvenated team, and a set of policies that will make important investments in our Read more...

Voices from Beyond the Grad | Issue 5

Posted 11:10am Sunday 26th March 2017 by Claire Macindoe

The legend of the discovery of penicillin is one that is familiar in modern history. Alexander Fleming, a man not known for his cleanliness, leaves a petri dish unwashed for a couple of weeks – much like your flatmate’s dishes – and discovers a mould with mystical Read more...

Editorial | Issue 5

Posted 10:37am Sunday 26th March 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Two of our features this week deal with issues of paranoia, and how easy it is to write it off as “crackpot” behaviour. Think about doomsday preppers and you’re likely picturing a guy who lives in a buried caravan with his 900 guns, 4,000 bottles of whiskey, and pet pig. Mention Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 4

Posted 3:04pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 4

Posted 3:00pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Student Support

Our bastard landlord from last year chucked out all our stored furniture, even though the new tenants had said it was sweet with them. We didn’t even leave it in the house but had made a massive effort and put it all really neatly in the shed outside. When we came back to get it the week Read more...

The Moths

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

One day the moths became people. Sheds and undergrowth and houses were suddenly jammed with limbs and heads and bodies. Cocoons popped, disgorging viscous fluid filled with half formed ears and teeth. Dusty corpses filled the windowsills, blocking out the light like mummified curtains. Many Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 4

Posted 2:50pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This is an inflammation of the urethra, or external urinary passage, and is generally occasioned by an impure connection; although a disease of a similar character may arise from having connection with a healthy woman during menstruation; and it is sometimes produced by leucorrhea (discharge) in the Read more...

Ray in Dunedin

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Radhika Raghav

“What! Satyajit Ray in Dunedin!” was my reaction when Prof. Radner, my thesis advisor, told me about a film society that was screening three restored versions of Ray’s films. I was new to Dunedin and the first couple of months in the city, on a philosophical level, offered me a Read more...

What if the University of Otago didn’t exist?

Posted 2:36pm Sunday 19th March 2017 by Danni Pintacasi

Dunedin. Population: 127,500. Number of university students: 20,000. It’s fair to say that students make up a sizable chunk of the Dunedin population. The University brings in young adults from near and far, and with them their money. Let’s face it; McDonalds wouldn’t nearly be as Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 4

Posted 11:11am Sunday 19th March 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

ODT Watch has been contacted by humans (unusual for us) asking whether we doctor the ODT’s headlines to make them funnier. We would like to formally deny this slander. The ODT is funny enough without having to change a thing. Case in point: What followed was a whimsical tale of an Read more...

Health in All Things

Posted 10:56am Sunday 19th March 2017 by David Clark

Every New Zealander deserves access to quality  affordable healthcare, but access is not as affordable as it once was. Last year more than 500,000 people reported cost as a major factor preventing them visiting their GP when they were ill. I recently succeeded Labour’s Annette King as Read more...

Editorial | Issue 4

Posted 10:13am Sunday 19th March 2017 by Lucy Hunter

We’ve all been there. You walk into a function in your assless rubber pants with a ball-gag in your mouth, slathered in mayonnaise and holding a bunch of torpedo beetroot, and everyone else is in smart-casual blouses and slacks. You just can’t relax the whole night. That’s because Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 3

Posted 3:20pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 3

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Jessica Thompson

I was baby-sitting my little sister that afternoon and we decided to go to Discovery World. She loved the giant piano but got pretty bored with everything else so we paid to visit the Butterfly room. There was no one inside. My sister ran off to gawk at the glass boxes containing caterpillars and Read more...