Ethel & Hyde | Issue 7

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 7

Party Pooping Police

We had an epic party but the council noise control came and took our speakers away, then they came back 2 more times and took away a laptop, then our amplifier. They are trying to make us pay 3 fines to get our stuff back. And we have to pay a separate fine to the Proctor’s office as well. Is there anything we can do?
—Fine-ancially challenged

Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice.

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Ethel says

What a fine-ancial challenge indeed, that could cost you $263 for each piece of noise making equipment, and they could potentially charge you another $500 if your party went for over 72 hours. And then the Proctor’s office fine, if it is another $150, would bring the grand total to $1,439! The only loophole you might be able to use is if the Noise Control Officer did not have a Police Constable with them when they confiscated the equipment, then they are in breach of their own regulations. Or, given that a Noise Abatement Notice is valid for 72 hours, you could try and use your sweetest tone to persuade the person at the DCC Environment Health agency, who you need to pay to get back your belongings, that it really is equipment from one incident, and therefore deserves only one fee for the return these things. Best of luck bringing what charm you can muster to your aid in this one.

Hyde says

Music needs to be LOUD, party or no party, and clearly the Fun Police enjoyed it or they wouldn’t have come back THREE times. Anyway, I have a weasel of a plan for you. HYPNOSIS. Don’t balk; you can do it. I don’t have the time to give you all the details now but you can find instructions online for the Five Second Hypnosis Technique and how to use Pattern Interrupt, Hypnotic Keywords and the Zeigarnik Effect. They’re brutally effective; that’s how I get Ethel to sleep so I can turn up the sounds and down some elixir. Once you’ve practiced these on a friend go to the council and find the most chilled out, bored looking, desk person, be engaging with smiles and a smooth as tone, pretending you are going to pay; now’s your chance to kick into action with your new superpower and Trance them. BOOM you can have your fines wiped in a snip and reunite with your precious gear. You can try this on the Proctor, but you may just have to pay that one, dude. 

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2017.
Posted 1:47pm Sunday 9th April 2017 by Student Support.