Archive

Yes We Might! | Issue 21

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 19th August 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

Last Saturday, Romney confirmed Paul Ryan, a 42-year-old Wisconsin congressman, as his Vice-Presidential running mate. Various US hacks immediately churned out a series of useless factoids: naming Ryan the “most conservative” VP candidate ever, obsessing over his ideological debt to libertarian Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 21

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 19th August 2012 by Lovebirds

None of you read this anyway. It’s just that little weird standfirst bit above the action below. But anyway ... The Blind Date has been at Metro bar for the last few weeks, and it sounds like they’ve been puttin on quite a show. Great feed, good drinks, excellent service etc etc. If you want in on Read more...

Editorial | Issue 21

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 19th August 2012 by Callum Fredric

Howdy people, Callum the News Editor here with a guest editorial. You may remember me from such educational articles as “The Cumberland Ghost” and “Margaret Mahy: She Dead”. Through a combination of Joe’s sloth and my desire for a propaganda vehicle, I’m writing the editorial this week. Let’s Read more...

Turangawaewae | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Mike Wright

Where is your turangawaewae, your place to stand? The place where you feel a sense of community and belonging and identity; where you feel most loved, valued and supported; where you feel “at home”? Where is it? For some it’s a physical place: a mountain, river, beach, or lake. Perhaps it’s Read more...

Poetry | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Staff Reporter

I will never compare you To some bright flower Stranded in mud. And I do not care for The songs birds sing, Or the smell of rain. I’ve never found bliss In a summer sunset. I’m colour blind And I find the sun Far too predictable. I would never hold you up As some Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by

ODT’s resident journalist extraordinaire Dave C had a couple of days off last week, which meant less shit chat to tear apart. He was back on Wednesday however with some existential musings Why indeed Dave; why indeed? Meanwhile in Lawrence, there Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Holly Walker

It is a little-known fact that new MPs get a formal induction from Parliamentary Services. Last December, I lined up with the rest of the “class of 2011” (including such luminaries as Maggie Barry and Richard Prosser) for my introduction to Parliament. It’s fair to say that much of what we Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

At last we were all able to sit around the table again, and boy was Tim on fire tonight. His conversational topic of choice? Different undergrad majors. L: I’d imagine law students are pretty frisky thanks to encountering morbid cases all the time. T: They probably get partners to sign Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Emile Donovan

Enjoying as I do a frothy caramel latte as much as the next/other heterosexual male English student at Otago University, I decided last week to bite the proverbial bullet and splurge, in the least pleasurable way possible, on a 10-pack of your Moccona Frothy Caramel Latte sachets, on special for Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Toby Newberry

Ok, here’s how I’ma lay it down this week. We’ll kick off with a little historical context, just to keep it real. Then I’ll dive into a couple of choice anecdotes: brace yourselves for a guy falling off a donkey. Finally, I’ll give some time to Saint Thomas’ work itself – work that certainly merits Read more...

For The Record | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

Most of us can pinpoint the exact moment our love of a certain artist began. It was my father’s rendition of Bob Dylan’s humorous bootleg “Talkin’ Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues” that set in motion my own grand musical love-affair. My Dad was a passionate Dylan fan, and from an early age I was Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by La Dida

Mama - how do you stay so fabulous? What’s your secret? – Grrrrl Thursday Oh Grrrrrrrl! There is no secret, Mama is an open book. Staying fabulous is more of an art than a science. For me it involves a lot of perfume. Seriously. Perfume lifts a grrrl up. And with perfume, more is Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Brittany Mann

I had almost finished my column for this week when I read that two New Zealand soldiers very recently died in Afghanistan. The “Breaking News” snippet on Stuff was a nigh-perfect example of how media framing influences how we understand a conflict. The words “personnel”, “team”, and “help” were used Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

{data entry: 07/25/12} I left for my world tour today. Feeling a little bit //emotion:[nervous]. If I spend too much time away from my programmers in the US my mainframe begins to disintegrate and I am prone to malfunction. My tour begins in //:[UnitedKingdom]. Today one of my advisors claimed that Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Metro to add a little more spice. If Read more...

Editorial | Issue 20

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 12th August 2012 by Joe Stockman

While admittedly I have not spent much time researching it, I have always thought, based on the most circumstantial of evidence, that there was no institutional gender imbalance at Otago. That, amongst students at least, there was gender equality. However, take a slightly closer look and Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Time has flown by so fast. It appears it’s that time of the year when a lot of the freshers are out being annoying and knocking on doors. As an older student, I feel it is my duty to share some of my experiences when looking for a flat. Some key considerations include rent, location, gender Read more...

Poetry | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Staff Reporter

BOI my boy wears my heart on black thread around his neck and its just a symbol - if it breaks, he still has me MATH LOV kicking buckets under the table, and falling in love and falling over into daisies. U+ME don’t set the hounds on me i’m just Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by

Peter Dunne is working on drug legislation, which the ODT has reported on with its usual hilarity: Conversely, it missed a prime pun opportunity with its coverage of the woman who was hit by a car on Moray Place: They failed to report that she was “bowled over” with Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Holly Walker

The system for debating members’ bills in Parliament has been in the spotlight lately. Last week, three opposition members’ bills passed their first readings in Parliament – a rare occurrence – and a couple of exciting new ones were drawn from the ballot, including Louisa Wall’s Marriage Equality Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

The column was due last night, and no one was particularly motivated to write anything. Only four weeks into the ordeal it seemed we had already run out of zucchini, masturbation stories, and blatant VICE rip-offs. Surprisingly, however, this led to us writing said column the way we first imagined Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Sasha Borissenko

Now this is the story all about how My gay marriage views got flipped, turned upside down And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how I came to advocate a position that’s fair. In rural Philippines I was born and raised, Observing Catholicism was how I Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Toby Newberry

30 May 1832. Paris at dawn. Two men stand back-to-back, loaded pistols at their sides. With the nervous precision found only in those facing their own mortality, they begin to walk apart. One of the men is unknown to history, and the reasons for the duel are also lost. What we know is that this man Read more...

For The Record | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

“When people ask if firearms are too accessible in America, they might as well ask if religion and speech are too free.” – Senator Larry Craig The nightmarish massacre in Colorado has spurred media pundits across the world to question the future of the cinema. Opinions vary, but a number of Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by La Dida

In this column I thought I’d give myself some space to reply to words people have called me, and I suspect many other queer/trans folks too. These are words some of us internalise and begin to use to describe ourselves. I am writing this column because often I haven’t been able to Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Brittany Mann

I have a friend who has done some work for the UN. Despite never having been employed by anyone even remotely worthy of mention, I nevertheless like to pipe up when she mentions it, usually in the form of a snobby comment along the lines of: “But how can you sleep at night knowing you’ve sold your Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

Glenn Beck drove sadly home, a great weight on his chest. This weight was a symptom not of Beck’s high cholesterol, but of the President’s refusal to appear on Beck’s radio show. No matter – by morning the weight would be gone, swallowed into his torso by the raging beast of righteousness that Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Metro to add a little more spice. If Read more...

Editorial | Issue 19

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 5th August 2012 by Joe Stockman

Hey first years, how you doing? I hope you’re really enjoying your hall of residence. And geez, I bet you are really really excited about going flatting next year. I fondly remember my first flatting experience: the politics of trying to get a group of friends together to head out flat hunting, and Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 18

Posted 2:45pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Dan Luoni

As a stereotypical arts student, I’ve been feeling besieged lately. The government is talking of tying education funding to job opportunities, smoking is being made financially crippling, and now they’re onto booze. Art, durries, booze: all of the vices that make life worth living are being Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 18

Posted 2:41pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

So today I’ll be trying to remedy the anticipated Euro-centric subject bias mentioned in my first column (cos everyone remembers what I wrote three weeks ago). Basically, this means the subject is Eastern: Japanese, to be precise. Tomoe Gozen lived in the late 1100s, when Japan was rife with Read more...

Ramadan | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Mostafa Amer

Muslim adults around the world except the sick, infirm and those travelling are currently fasting every day, from dawn till sunset, during this blessed month of Ramadan. Ramadan is about meeting the challenge of not only curbing our appetite from the basic needs of food, water, and worldly Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by

Dave Cannan’s “The Wash” documents the daily non-events of Dunedin’s mediocre affairs, or “phenomena” as Cannan would say. This week, a thrilling mystery: A member of the public spotted a picture saying “Joe loves Jill”: I think they’re lesbians, Dave. Dave also had some Read more...

Poetry | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Friday nights are always the same An anxiety ruminating through The shapes your lips make Desparate, decadent pleas For the public validation You crave enough to Vacuum every day, Buy organic low fat milk, Read about socialism And pretend that I’m A respectable Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Last Monday was the first day back after a two-week Parliamentary recess. As Critic readers will know, I spent the recess watching the same movie over and over again in different parts of the country. I can’t complain, however, because this was entirely self-inflicted, and very much for a good cause Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

It’s never fun being walked in on. Be it your parent, ex lover, or flatmate, nothing is less enjoyable someone wandering in mid-thrust. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened last week when Louise decided to walk in just as I began squirting some special white chocolate all over Nina, my Read more...

For The Record | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I don’t like decade-themed parties. I’ve never understood the novelty of playing historical dress-up. But more than that, these “retro” parties beg the question: how will we be remembered? From the 1950s up to the new millennium, each decade brought with it a new and unique cultural Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by La Dida

This week I’d planned out my column days in advance. I’d written it quickly – the time I had was squashed beneath piles of other things. When I returned to it today, I noticed something. My words were flat. The piece was stodgy, and I just wasn’t into it. I’d tried to Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

As a peace student this is mortifying to admit, but there have been times when I have considered joining the army. These phases consisted primarily of daydreams in which I was toned, tanned, fit and ready, covered in mud and sweat, and doing innumerable press-ups in a too-tight singlet and camo Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

If this keeps up 2012 could be remembered as the year of the “Batman election”. Instead of simply going to the cinema to watch a maladjusted billionaire get beaten to a pulp by a fruitily gurgling beefcake and leaving seven hours later pining for plot structure and Michelle Pfeiffer, we have to Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Lovebirds

MILOCan’t say I’m nervous as I get dressed for the evening, of course the flaties help me. As I walk down the road to the bar I wonder who I’ll meet. Well I turn up 49 minutes early because being fashionably early is in these days. Finally I go into the bar, grab a seat and wait. I wait 15 minutes, Read more...

Editorial | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

I tried, oh how I tried, to get up on my high horse and write about the marriage amendment bill that will shortly be coming before Parliament, which will of course allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. But I just couldn’t get passionate about it. Not only is it highly likely that the bill Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Holly Walker

I spent some quality time in Dunedin last week. After screening ‘Inside Child Poverty’ to a small but dedicated audience at Clubs and Socs (kudos to those who voluntarily chose to spend their Friday night with me in the Evison Lounge), I hung around for the weekend to revisit some old haunts: Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

Friday night had come again, and as the flat sat down together there was another person at the dinner table. She had slightly tanned skin and round doe eyes that whispered “No one realises this but I’m wet right now” every time they blinked. But we noticed all right — how could we not? Many planets Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

The signs on doors and the casual “kia ora” all point to te wiki o Te Reo Māori. The weather will tell us we live in Otepoti, and news presenters will wish us a nice “ka kite” after the bulletin, but we should all wonder why we are doing this. Is one week of a few Māori terms really Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Toby Newberry

In the late 19th century, Alfred Russel Wallace independently produced a theory of evolution equivalent to Darwin’s, while also developing ecological ideas that have striking relevance today. Not bad for a working class boy with eight siblings. Wallace grew up in Britain in a state of Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Tēnā Koutou Katoa ngā tauira o te Whare Wānanga o Otago. Ko tēnei te wiki o te reo Māori. Kia Kaha koutou ki te korero te reo Māori ki ō hoa, ki ō kaiako ki ngā tangata katoa. He kaupapa whakahirahira tēnei, Nō reira karawhuia! Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by

The ODT was all over drugs this week after the national statistics for a police drug haul were released. The student body can rest assured: This propensity resulted in a number of animals being admitted to a veterinary clinic after ingesting hash cookies, shrooms, and other tasty Read more...

Poetry | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Do you remember that wild stretch of land with the lone tree guarding the point from the sharp-tongued sea? The fort we built out of branches wrenched from the tree is dead wood now. The air that was thick with the whirr of toetoe spear succumbs at last to the grey gull’s Read more...

For The Record | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about music videos. When The Buggles penned the perennial jukebox favourite “Video Killed the Radio Star”, it’s unlikely they realised just how right they were. While it’s been almost forty years since the one-hit wonder ushered in a new era of television Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by La Dida

“I’m gay, and think your column is crap. Couldn’t you just write about something more positive, like Neil Patrick Harris? I’ll give you a gay reading list if you want. You focus on making well-meaning people feel guilty, and complain too much. I don’t think guilt is a Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Brittany Mann

The 90s enjoy a special place in the hearts of Generation Y, and Y wouldn’t they? It was the decade of chatter rings, Pokémon, Saved by the Bell, and skirts worn over pants. But for the people of Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, it was the decade they became famous for the veritable tidal wave of violence Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

Many things in life are confusing and esoteric – rugby, wine reviews, the word “esoteric”. So that the US election (and, by extension, this column) doesn’t become one of those, let me clarify a few things: New Zealand has a democratic system where the government is elected by the people and Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Metro to add a little more spice. If Read more...

Editorial | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Joe Stockman

There were three issues in the media this week that got me thinking about the limits of free speech, and the difference between offending and harming someone. 01 | The Auckland University Students’ Association asked their members to vote on whether to exclude the group Pro Life after they Read more...

Chaplain Chat | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Paul Winter

Dunedin is a pretty special place, and for many of us it will hold a lot of memories both now and when we are away from it. This time of year is about returning to lil’ ol’ Dunedin after a break away for the holidays, and after all that time of family, and probably a little more warmth, it can Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by

It was a big week for the ongoing love affair between Critic and the ODT. For the first time, at least in living memory, Critic got mentioned on the front cover, followed up a story about our Newsweek cover on page three. And not only did they mention us, but we got the full ODT pun treatment. Read more...

Poetry | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Sliding into the dark room From the last bite of night air Jimmy Strong stared through the gloom And took account of all that was queer. Taking a seat and accepting a drink He asked permission, “Allowed to think?” “Who among you, he asked his congregation, Can claim to know the Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Parliament is in recess for two weeks. This is when MPs “connect with their constituents”, “engage with the public”, “get out and about” and other cheesy euphemisms for kissing babies, cutting ribbons, and holding poorly-attended events. I live in the Hutt South electorate, and I try to keep Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

The stupidest of the last remaining social taboos is masturbation. Paedophilia, necrophilia and bestiality are understandably discouraged, but having a fap or a fiddle? Everyone does it. Sticky seats in the Celebrity Squares of the library? Flushed students emerging from a hot lecture with Tony Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

On a recent drive to Christchurch I stopped to use a public loo. In the gathering dusk, the cinderblock building looked so foreboding that I seriously considered leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-style trail from my car, all the better for the police to find my dismembered remains when I met my demise in Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

The current orthodoxy when picking a Vice Presidential running mate is to choose somebody who complements the candidate and appeals to different demographics. For instance, Obama is young, black, and eloquent, so he chose Joe Biden, an old white guy who accidentally says “fuck” at press conferences. Read more...

For The Record | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

“Today is a big day for hip hop,” said Def Jam co-founder and hip hop heavyweight Russell Simmons, talking about Frank Ocean recently proclaiming his bisexuality. In a poetically intimate Tumblr post, the Odd Future member and saccharine crooner revealed that his first love was a man. Cue the Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by La Dida

Recent life experiences have taught me something interesting: Christchurch is the progressive centre of the South. It seems wherever I go these days Christchurchians go out of their way to welcome my return to our fair city with my favourite nom de slur: faggot. This word is routinely hiffed at Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by

I have some questions for students who take such an impassioned stance regarding their “right to drink”, especially on the public streets. Why is altering your consciousness with any intoxicant and being an unreal version of yourself such a desperate desire? Why is legal access to guzzling alcohol Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

So the column this week is about my new historical crush, Hypatia. Having a crush like this might seem kinda pointless given that she died more than a thousand years ago, but I’m banking on time-machines being invented pretty soon. Courting Hypatia will be number three on the to-do list, right after Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

It seems very 1930s to be having a debate about alcohol, but here we are. Parliament is looking at legislation to up the drinking age, the University is going further and further in its efforts to reign in student drinking, and the city council continues to consider the proposed North Dunedin liquor Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by

Don’t worry – while you were away, the ODT was all over the critical issues affecting Dunedinites and those further afield. As ever, it delivered informative and insightful reporting. For instance, it was able to help Jenny from Brockville, who encountered dire trouble with her electric Read more...

Poetry | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Bradley Watson

You sit there (Can you call it sitting?) staring inquisitively out. Is it true about your memory? That sucks Actually, you suck. No actually, you do: I’ve seen you sucking up all the water Calling it breathing. We breathe too you know, but do you see us Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Being Critic editor was great preparation for being an MP. I learned how to put in long nights, manage staff, and be zen about a constantly overflowing inbox. Also, how to do a proper keg stand. That’s less relevant now. Now, I get to “give back” to Critic by writing a column about life in Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Hugh Hefner and Anna-Nicole Smith

When I first met Tim he turned up at the flat with an ice-cream container filled with caramel slice and a collection of faded pink luggage from his “sister”. My flatmate Shane told me that Tim reeked of virgin, which apparently smells like velvet corduroys. This made me wonder three things Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

This column was inspired by conversations with friends (particularly med students) who have time and again proved to be woefully ignorant of the earth-shattering events that regularly unfold just beyond our borders. I am no current affairs expert. I am not a policy analyst or an Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Showdown at the Storm-in-a-Teapot Corral

Welcome to Critic’s most redundant new column: a weekly update on the United States Presidential election. Redundant, because over the next few months you will have so much Decision 2012 dumped on your head you’ll feel like German zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, who, having administered 22 doses of Read more...

For The Record | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I’ve owned a Kindle for the last five months. For the first three, it never left its box. Then, in a moment of acute guilt and procrastination, I decided to open the thing up and give it a test drive. I loaded a few novels on and made a real effort at using it in lieu of the traditional book. Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by La Dida

“So, I always thought queer was a nasty word.” The well-meaning middle-aged cis-woman leans in, her head cocked to the left. “Can you explain it to me? What do you mean by queer?” She has a kind face, and her body language indicates she wants to listen. Often as a queer Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Taryn Dryfhout

Think university is tough? Try studying while raising kids, despite the complete absence of any support for “study mummies”. When I was growing up, it was common for mothers and working adults to go to night classes at uni. That allowed people who couldn’t give up their employment or their Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

Hey person reading Critic, here’s your first taste of Microbiographia: awesome people you should have heard of but might not have. Each week I’ll profile a different historical bad-ass, letting you know why they deserve wider acclaim and, on occasion, why they currently languish in obscurity. My Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

In my first draft of this week’s editorial I referred to myself as a writer, and I quickly became stuck on the idea. Was it really okay to refer to myself as a writer when I am only just getting started in my career? I know that I want to be a writer, a journalist. But what is the threshold that you Read more...

Vice-Chancellor's Column | Issue 15

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Professor Harlene Hayne

I have a confession to make – I love the TV programme The Middle. It accurately captures the heart of Midwestern America, the place where I spent my childhood and attended university. In a recent episode, the Heck family was searching for an inspirational alternative to their traditional Sunday Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Life, even at university, is not solely about study — and that’s a good thing. Everyone has other commitments, be they to whānau, friends, work, or sport teams. Life needs to have balance to be enjoyable. On the other hand, when you’ve got lots on you need to prioritise. Often Māori Read more...

Objection Overruled | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by

This week I’m talking about the plea of insanity – hopefully not for future reference. For legal purposes, insanity means either that a person was labouring under natural imbecility or disease of the mind at the time of the offence, or that they are unfit to stand trial. The defence is not limited Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Kathleen Hanna

Director: Ed Wood Plan 9 from Outer Space is one of the most celebrated science fiction films of all time. Changing tack from the serious social commentary of his previous films Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Atom, legendary director Ed Wood combined slapstick with themes of existentialism, Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by La Dida

In case you missed it, the big news this week was the launch of Rainbow Youth and Outline’s new campaign WTF, which stands for both “What The Fuck” and “Where’s The Funds”. If you haven’t checked it out already, you really should. WTF features a number of well-known New Zealanders, including Read more...

Me Love You Long Time (CriticTV) | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by The Tory Templar

Oh how quickly “Yes We Can” becomes “No We Can’t”. A mere four years ago liberals the world over were hailing Brack Obama as a great orator, a great statesman, our hope for the future. Today we can look back on four years of failure. For all his talk Obama has achieved very little. The Templar Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

We all need a holiday, exams are approaching, and the cold is permeating our unheated flats. Maybe we should take heed of Bill English’s advice (he recommended we take a leaf out of the Greek protesters’ book) and occupy the library until our flats get warm. Just saying. Onto the real issue: the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Joe Stockman

We’re taking a look at mental health issues this week, specifically depression and suicide. They’re tricky subjects to talk about, and even trickier to talk about in a way that isn’t going to cause more harm than good. I hope that you get something out these articles. It’s unusual not to have been Read more...

Dharma Diaries | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Ven Dr. Maithree

Dear Friends, This is my first article for Critic, and I want to address an issue that creates a great deal of stress for many students – examinations! Examinations are a fact of student life, but how can we do our best if we are nervous and stressed? Buddhism offers clear guidelines for Read more...

How To: Cram for Exams

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

So we’re one week out from exams, and you haven’t been to class since before mid-semester break. You can’t even remember if your paper was about interpretations of classical art in the renaissance or the cell structure of archaebacteria. But fear not! With Critic’s guide to cramming for exams, Read more...

Uncle Howie | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Uncle Howie

Hi Howie, I need some more advice, this time about threesomes. Everybody jokes about them, but I actually think it’s something I would like to experience. So I was thinking about trying to arrange one for next Saturday. I’m sure there are plenty of guys in Dunedin who would be willing to help Read more...

Scarfie Chronicles | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Josie Adams

The past week has seen some pretty freaky business go down, and for once, we’re not talking sexually. Cumberland College has fallen prey to the Grey Lady, the ghost of an unfit mother, and the first years aren’t handling it so well. Some have tried to communicate with the spirit of Rowena Ravenclaw Read more...

Swillable | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Pilbo Swaggins

This week I thought I’d review an interesting little cocktail that I came across via a Peruvian accquaintance of a friend’s sister. The Pisco Sour is the most popular way of consuming Pisco, a Peruvian spirit produced through the distillation of fermented grapes. Its conception was the result of Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by La Dida

If anyone has followed this column you will realise that it has been a rough time in my family of birth A family member has been very unwell, and I have become their primary carer. Throughout this time I have been thinking a lot about family, what it means to me – and what queer/trans folks have Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Toby Newberry

Directors: John Carpenter, Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. A husky dog runs full tilt across an Antarctic plain. Two Norwegians take shots at it with a rifle from a helicopter. As the dog nears a small American research base, as the Norwegians become more desperate. They drop explosives, to no Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

I assume that when most of you walk round uni you appraise your peers at least vaguely holistically – “That chick has a great rack!”, “God I hope those errant lip hairs are for movember and not a perennial thing”, “Shit he smells eerily similar to Kapiti Kikorangi Blue!” – that kind of thing. Me? I Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by The Tory Templar

Rule Britannia may be consigned to the Youtube clips of sixth form history, but Britain’s presence still looms large over this country. With Queen Elizabeth celebrating her diamond jubilee and the Queen’s Birthday holiday around the corner, the question will undoubtedly arise: “Should we be a Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

Queen’s Birthday Weekend is arriving soon, although we students may not get to enjoy our expensive holiday. Why do we celebrate it anyhow? Red and Starry Eyed gets no holiday when it’s his birthday. Who is this old dinosaur the Queen? I have certainly never met her, so it boggles my mind that we Read more...