Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 13

The Royal Bludger

Queen’s Birthday Weekend is arriving soon, although we students may not get to enjoy our expensive holiday. Why do we celebrate it anyhow? Red and Starry Eyed gets no holiday when it’s his birthday. Who is this old dinosaur the Queen? I have certainly never met her, so it boggles my mind that we should be paying her family’s expenses.

You’d think that by now we would have progressed to a new age where the old hierarchy no longer matters. Of course we have a new hierarchy, but why does the old one still have power? In the late eighteenth century, the French people rose up to get rid of a system that oppressed and enslaved them. Apparently the British liked being slaves. It seems the royals form part of our “identity” even if they do nothing at all. Our government constantly criticises dole-bludgers, but we are ruled by the biggest bludger of them all. Aren’t we meant to follow the example of our elders? If so, I too want to receive taxpayer money to pretend to have blue blood and half-assedly wave at the public.

There is a group in New Zealand called the Republican Movement of Aotearoa New Zealand. They are slightly misguided, but they are right in thinking that we no longer need the Queen or her relatives. The royals are no more special than us. The Republican Movement wants us to elect the Governor General the Queen has until now appointed. Red is confused as to why we would want to elect someone who has no real power. The Governor General currently appoints the Cabinet and the Prime Minister, but in reality he just ticks the voter’s choice. He can also call for early elections and refuse bills, but in reality he does neither. Though I couldn’t find out how much the Governor General earns, whatever the amount is it could be better spent on charity. He’s useless!

The Queen receives at least 41.5 million pounds a year from the taxpayer. This figure doesn’t take into account her personal wealth, or what she receives for the Duchy of Lancaster. Currently there are 160,000 unemployed people in New Zealand, and many students that could do with a note or two in their wallet. If we divided up the Queen’s annual income between these people, each “dole-bludger” would get around $265! Sweet.

I would rather pay less in taxes than pay for a system that represents the opposite of freedom.

–Red and Starry Eyed

This article first appeared in Issue 13, 2012.
Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed.