Scarfie Chronicles | Issue 13

Scarfie Chronicles | Issue 13

The past week has seen some pretty freaky business go down, and for once, we’re not talking sexually. Cumberland College has fallen prey to the Grey Lady, the ghost of an unfit mother, and the first years aren’t handling it so well. Some have tried to communicate with the spirit of Rowena Ravenclaw (oh, come on, we all know that’s what everyone’s first thought was) through séance. There have been no comprehensible verbal responses, but the group reported “strange noises” and “bumping” on the night they attempted the séance. One of the students’ neighbours was emphatic that the noises were paranormal in nature; she knew of no other reason she might hear the sound of a bed moving at night.

The Grey Lady was apparently first spotted by two Health Scis at the college, who saw the ghost on their way back from studying. This should be enough of a clue that this entire story is bullshit. Health Scis? Cumby? Studying? This does not seem to have deterred the ODT from pilfering Critic’s reporting on the incident last week. The ODT then happily accepted newspapers around the country incorrectly attributing the story to them in a national media frenzy unseen since the likes of Possum.

More superhuman than supernatural, and yet to hit licensed premises here in Dunedin, The Avengers cocktails have apparently been invented, allowing even the manliest man to enjoy his Midori and slice of kiwifruit safe in the knowledge that he just poured The Hulk down his throat. Actually, wait, no. Stick to the SoGos, bro.

In non-ghost news, two boys down for graduation got more than they bargained for last weekend when they woke up wearing only their regalia on the Union Lawn. It is thought that the boys were being sorted out for a prank from last year that the victims had not had the ability to pay them back for until now.

And lastly, some Otago students have decided that they can keep it scarfie and be good cunts at the same time. One of the boys has pulled his red card and forced the others “to go without something they truly cherish for 40 hours”. Each of the guys is going without something different, from clothing, to food, cellphone, or hygiene, and the sponsorship money they earn is going to the 40 hour famine to feed hungry kids in Mali and Niger. Check out if you’d like to donate.

– Josie Adams
This article first appeared in Issue 13, 2012.
Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Josie Adams.