Proctology | Issue 10

Proctology | Issue 10

It was belting down with rain when Critic went along to the Proctor’s office last Tuesday; we must have been the only people to ever want to stay in his office longer than absolutely necessary.

Campus Watch have been on the lookout for a persistent peeping tom (what is it about guys named Tom?) in the Ethel Benjamin/Hyde Street area for the last couple of weeks. The cops are on it too, but as you can imagine, it’s hard to catch someone in the act of peering through a window. The Proctor highly recommends closing your windows and pulling your curtains before you get your gear off.

Humanities students were greeted with an unusual parking job a week back when one young lad’s scooter made it onto the landing above the entrance to the Burns building. Several burly Campus Watch types and numerous ropes and pullies were required to return the scooter to a very thankful scarfie. Despite offering their help in finding the culprit, he was fairly sure that he could find the guilty party and provide his own unique form of justice.

The Proctor has also had some issues recently with water balloons thrown from the sixth story of a residential college. Apparently they can pick up enough speed to do some real damage when they hit, and complaints have been made. While he refused to confirm which college it was, the Proctor suggested to Critic that there aren’t that many around that are taller than six stories. Hint taken.

Asked if he was expecting an uptick in incendiary-type trouble with the influx of graduates over the coming weekends, the Proctor suggested that there have been occasions where graduates have tried to relive their glory days on Castle Street, especially to try and impress younger siblings. As they are no longer students, they have had the pleasure of dealing directly with the police.

And from the Proctology archives, two intrepid groups of students had a “pumpkin off”, in which they painted two pumpkins unique colours, and then positioned them in strange and quirky spots around the campus. They made appearances on the girders in the library, and under the ITS building that spans the Leith, before one team really upped the ante. The Uni bigwigs arrived to find a large coloured pumpkin strategically balanced on the lightning rod above the Clocktower of the Registry building. Game, set, match.

– Walter Plinge
This article first appeared in Issue 10, 2012.
Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Staff Reporter.