Uncle Howie | Issue 10

Uncle Howie | Issue 10

Dear Uncle Howie,

I canít believe Iím writing in, but I need your advice/knowledge/wisdom and after reading your column I think youíre the go-to person on such a topic.

I recent acquired a Fuck Buddy who is dynamite in the sack but my complete opposite and he enjoys talking for at least an hour afterwards about stuff I really couldnít care less about. How do I broach the subject with him that after a bit of rumpy-pumpy itís time to leave so I can go to sleep or vice versa?

I donít want to seem inconsiderate but we only get together for one thing, to meet one mutual need, and we have already agreed itís going to be nothing more then sexy-fun time: No strings and no potential relationship, which Iím more than happy with.

Thanks, I await your advice.

Hi there,

Great to hear from you. I fucking hate post-coital chat, itís far too often like the sex itself: Mundane, awkward and often cuming to an expected stop. Congratulations on the penis, itís tough out there so letís see if we can work this out. Having a fuck buddy is like having business partner; youíve got to set out your roles clearly and make sure all involved stipulate expectations from the beginning. It sounds like youíve done this, which is good, but you have to continue to be upfront about things.

At the end of the day, literally, this man is simply there to get your juices flowing. With winter fast approaching youíre going to want to have a nice fella to pop round, sling it up ya, give you a peck on the cheek then get out of your grill. Many girls use the classic line ďI have a lecture in the morning ÖĒ or ďahh Iíve got soooo much on tomorrow ÖĒ Ė but I hate to break it to you, us fellas all see straight through it. Just be honest. Next time, before sex, let him know that you really enjoy what youíve got going on but you need your sleep, staying up to the wee hours having small talk just isnít going to cut it. Reassure him that itís no reflection on him; itís just that you like to have your own space in bed.

Alternatively a simple solution is to do your dirty work at his house. Once the deed is done, let him know ďyouíve got to get homeĒ and leave. To be honest, when a man hears a girl utter these words after sex itís a real treat. He will be secretly over the moon, and you get your sleep.

Ė Howie.

This article first appeared in Issue 10, 2012.
Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Uncle Howie.