Uncle Howie | Issue 5

Uncle Howie | Issue 5

Is it true that different races have different size penises? I’ve only ever played with white boys, but I’ve been checking out some of the cute brown boys around this place and thought I might get a bit more variety in me, if you get what I mean ...
Racing for answers

Hey mate,

There are many colourful (pun intended) assumptions made in relation to racial stereotypes; unfortunately they are often untrue. Many have fallen victim to these unrealistic speculations and ended up with a “brown” boy whose package is just a few kumaras short of a hangi. There has been some research on the matter, but generally the results come back inconclusive: There is just not a huge (again, pun intended) number of men willing to measure their cocks in the name of science.

Dunedin isn’t the most racially diverse “place in the world”; however, if you do come across a couple of exotic cuties then give ’em a crack. Why not? You may be the lucky lady who finds a cute dark-skinned man packing a 12-inch shlong. We all know the stereotypes surrounding the Asian community and the age-old saying “Once you go China, you’ll want a small vagina”. However I would say give them chance, as you may be pleasantly surprised ...

Good luck,

My mates are trying to tell me that what I’m drinking in town is affecting my chances of picking up. I’m a bourbon and coke man, always have been. But the boys reckon I should drink something a little classier. Does what I’m drinking really affect my chances of pulling?

Hi buddy,
There has to be a balance between class, alcohol strength and masculinity in your choice of beverage. I can imagine pashing a man that tastes like a Woodstock is not the most romantic experience. Beers are a safe choice for a bloke, but when buying a girl a drink I wouldn’t get them a handle of Cook Draught. You should really just buy her a soda and lime; last thing a guy would want is a drunk girl on their hands.

This article first appeared in Issue 5, 2012.
Posted 4:26pm Sunday 25th March 2012 by Uncle Howie.