Uncle Howie | Issue 13

Uncle Howie | Issue 13

Hi Howie,
I need some more advice, this time about threesomes. Everybody jokes about them, but I actually think itís something I would like to experience. So I was thinking about trying to arrange one for next Saturday. Iím sure there are plenty of guys in Dunedin who would be willing to help out, but Iím curious about what to expect. Is this something I should actually be considering?
Threeís a crowd.

Gyday mate
Threesomes in general are far less erotic and exciting that you may imagine. Often one person is forgotten during the proceedings, left to pleasure themselves awkwardly on the side of the bed. The act of wanking to completion whilst watching two other people have sex is not the most dignified moment in anybodyís life. Many people leave threesomes with a feeling of confusion, wondering exactly who and what went down in the horrible sticky mess.

If the right people are chosen for the job, it may be an eye-opening and thoroughly enjoyable experience. I would consider choosing two men who you donít come into contact with much on a day-to-day basis, as you are probably never going to be able to look at them in the same way again. It can be difficult to resume normal friendly banter after youíve seen the two brutes share a conspiratorial glance whilst penetrating you simultaneously.

So, letís say youíve located two gentlemen to accompany you. Have some drinks. Lots of drinks. Arrange a location and give it a crack. Remember, threesomes often involve a lot of fluids being swapped around, so please encourage safe sex. Itís all fun and games until someone goes home with Chlamydia. Finally, I would recommend leaving a small reading lamp on during the festivities. There will be lots of hands clumsily rubbing and reaching at crevices. Itís best for all involved to be able to see whose/which crevice you are touching.

Good luck buddy, donít take it lightly as it may be more terrifying than arousing. Myself and the readers of Critic would love to hear how it goes, so feel free to write me back.
Potential pen pal?

This article first appeared in Issue 13, 2012.
Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Uncle Howie.