I’ve started dating this new girl, and she’s pretty high class – private schools, dad owns a yacht, all that jazz. I’m a bit worried that my humble upbringing is going to be a problem for her. You’re a classy cat; how can I turn on the class myself and make sure I don’t loose this dame?
Poor Boy
Well done buddy! We all know how hard it can be to snag a classy girl around these parts. There’s always a risk with these relationships that she’s just slumming it for a while – possibly to try and piss off daddy – before she goes back to her own kind. My advice: Don’t change, and don’t worry about it; just take it as it comes and have some fun living the high life. Plus with that whole yacht situation you could quite possibly play “I’m on a boat” and “I just had sex” one after the other, and have it be totally true.
Howie
Dear Howie,
I really like this guy that I’ve snagged. He’s tall, cute, pretty smart too. But the other night he came and stayed at mine after being OTP, and I’m pretty sure he wet the bed. It was cold and damp when we woke up in the morning, and I’ve got no idea how it could have happened otherwise. He didn’t say anything in the morning, just got up and bailed. What the fuck dude?
Pissed On
Ah, the age-old fire truck. This is in no way a new problem; young men have been pissing their pants/beds after hitting the piss for, well, forever probably. Of course, it gets slightly more annoying when there is someone else in the bed with them.
There isn’t much that you can do to stop a chronic firetrucker – possibly invest in some plastic sheets, but that’s hardly going to keep you dry now is it? I’d say that you just have to kick him out of bed after you’re done with him after he’s been on the piss. Let him go home and piss in his own bed.
H. Staples
If you want to ask Howie for advice, email him at critic@critic.co.nz
