Archive

American Exodus

Posted 8:41pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

March 14th: Eight confirmed cases of Kiwi Covid. Jacinda Ardern announces that all overseas arrivals in New Zealand must self-isolate for 14 days. Hundreds of American students in New Zealand watch as their country descends into a toilet-paper wasteland. In Aotearoa, these students are mostly Read more...

Hospo Hell

Posted 6:42pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Getting a part-time hospitality job is like being a first year in a hall. Not all do it, but for most people it is an inevitable and expected part of the University experience. From the outside, casual waitressing, bartending, cleaning, and serving, all seem like perfect, simple side-hustles to our Read more...

Give Nothing to Racism: A Year On.

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

On 15 March 2019, a white supremacist terrorist walked into a mosque during Friday prayer and gunned down 51 innocent people, injuring 49 more. It was the kind of news that sent a whole nation into shock. Most people remember exactly where they were when they heard the news, and will remember for Read more...

What Pasifika Should Know When Going Into a Professional Degree

Posted 7:02pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s the start of their second year. Five Pasifika students made it through First Year Health Sci. Echoes down the corridor scream ‘yOu onLy gOt in bEcAuse yOu’rE brown.’ They laugh. You fool, you clown. Rat behaviour.   Apparently getting through First Year Read more...

Feast V.S. Famine

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

*Content warning; disordered eating, If you are in a college, chances are that you are being fed. A lot. Three meals a day plus snacks. Not all college food is created equal, but one thing is for sure, you aren’t going to starve. You, your scholarship or your parents are paying an average Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Getting Into Second Year Law*

Posted 6:53pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

This goes out to all you freshers who have decided to take it upon yourselves to enrol in first year Law.  You’re anxious. You aren’t entirely sure why you’re here or what your future holds. Did you decide to take Law because you and your inflated ego think you’re better Read more...

Dunedin’s Inglorious Holes

Posted 2:20pm Saturday 7th March 2020 by Allen D'Generate

Imagine, if you would, a time when a lonely gay couldn’t jump on Grindr to find a man to lock dick lips. No internet to waste uncountable hours whacking to Twitter porn, even before Tumblr took away our penises. How does one drain their hefty pent up frustration? The answer, many found, was to Read more...

Facing the Stigma: Emergency Contraceptive Pill

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

“I was so upset I almost forgot that I might be pregnant. I was expecting to be slut-shamed, but I wasn’t expecting to be racially profiled, and shamed for being a woman, a student, and a person.”  The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (ECP), known as Postinor-1 or, more Read more...

DIY Dildos

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Naughty Nadia and Sloppy Sarah

Let’s face it. Dildos are expensive, and StudyLink doesn’t cover all your needs. In the wake of the impending sex toy shortage, Critic has decided to review some the possible household items you’ll have lying around to make some DIY dilds. From household items, to the classic Read more...

1 Summer, 100 Wanks

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Anon

"Fuck, you are so tight," said my client as he lay face down on the massage table. He was trying to stick a finger into my butthole. It took all my might not to burst out laughing. I thought to myself ‘…does this man think he is touching my vagina right now? Does he seriously Read more...

Saving Fresher Lives With Are You OK

Posted 1:57am Friday 28th February 2020 by Bonnie Harrison

He’s too drunk. His legs have collapsed beneath him, so there is someone supporting either of his shoulders – that’s two. His head is lolling back, so a third person holds it up and grips a mask to his mouth, from which a plastic sac drops down to collect his thin, watery vomit. Read more...

The Great Annual Flo and O Week Party Review

Posted 1:56am Friday 28th February 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

The two-week self-induced bender, also known as Flo and O week is a time of awakening, connection and chlamydia. The second years shed their fresher selves, the third years prepare for their final send, and the fourth years aren’t there because they’re too old and depressed. And the Read more...

Ranking 6 European Cities Based on their Laxatives

Posted 7:05pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Fox Meyer

For this very important and very specific list, I’ve consulted an expert. Poopie*, an American exchange student, has been struggling with chronic constipation for four years now. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, but she’s carrying around a baby’s weight of shit, and Read more...

Māori Migration to Otago Uni: Tauira Perspectives on Life in Te Cold

Posted 3:19pm Saturday 22nd February 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Moving to a new city fresh out of high-school is daunting. It is especially daunting to commit to a University far away from your iwi or culture-rich Māori communities. It is no secret that Dunedin has a low population of Māori – not to mention, has the polar opposite weather of Read more...

Picking Up Butts

Posted 12:29am Friday 21st February 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Flo Week is a week-long ceremony of buying shit you don’t need from Kmart and deleting piss with the bradas. Throughout the week, different named flats host different themed parties, and everyone gets absolutely cunted on White Rhinos and Billy Mavs. I considered joining in on some of the Read more...

Remembering The Undie 500

Posted 11:16pm Thursday 20th February 2020 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Now existing only in memory, the Undie 500 was a longstanding event facilitated by the Engineering Society of Canterbury (ENSOC) which spanned from 1988 to 2009, in which contestants would purchase a warranted and registered car for less than $500, decorate it, and drive it down to Dunedin from Read more...

Pull Your Red Card: You're Running Out of Time

Posted 1:11pm Thursday 24th October 2019 by Natasha Parrant

Hosting red cards are good fun when you get everyone in the flat involved and make everyone do some wacky stuff. Whether it’s interactive challenges on the streets with strangers, or just a lock-in to enhance the flat bonding experience, red cards are an ideal way to forget that university Read more...

Milkshake Wrestling, Hypnotists and Buckets of Vomit: A History of O-Week

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Caroline Moratti

O-Week is a beautiful time of the year. Wearing too much body glitter, you meet your first-year boyfriend for the first time in the line for toga, and then proceed to throw up White Rhinos in the Arana bushes for the remainder of the evening. It’s a confusing, smelly time of sex, social Read more...

Campus Watch and the Code of Conduct

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Erin Gourley

It’s 2005 in North Dunedin. Everyone has a bad haircut. Somewhere in the distance students huddle around a burning couch. Broken glass glitters on the footpath. The 4:20 Club smoke cannabis each week on Union Lawn. Bars around campus sell cheap drinks to drunk students. Undie 500 is getting Read more...

Dave Cull: Beautiful Nightmayor

Posted 11:09pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Mayor Dave Cull is a sultry, smooth sultana. His body is hesitantly tanned, his hair windswept to a salt and pepper slick. If I had to liken him to an animal, he would be a seagull. Did I mention he’s an Aries? He greets me warmly and leads me into his office. The door shuts behind us. Read more...