Archive

Poetry | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Friday nights are always the same An anxiety ruminating through The shapes your lips make Desparate, decadent pleas For the public validation You crave enough to Vacuum every day, Buy organic low fat milk, Read about socialism And pretend that I’m A respectable Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Last Monday was the first day back after a two-week Parliamentary recess. As Critic readers will know, I spent the recess watching the same movie over and over again in different parts of the country. I can’t complain, however, because this was entirely self-inflicted, and very much for a good cause Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

It’s never fun being walked in on. Be it your parent, ex lover, or flatmate, nothing is less enjoyable someone wandering in mid-thrust. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened last week when Louise decided to walk in just as I began squirting some special white chocolate all over Nina, my Read more...

For The Record | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I don’t like decade-themed parties. I’ve never understood the novelty of playing historical dress-up. But more than that, these “retro” parties beg the question: how will we be remembered? From the 1950s up to the new millennium, each decade brought with it a new and unique cultural Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by La Dida

This week I’d planned out my column days in advance. I’d written it quickly – the time I had was squashed beneath piles of other things. When I returned to it today, I noticed something. My words were flat. The piece was stodgy, and I just wasn’t into it. I’d tried to Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

As a peace student this is mortifying to admit, but there have been times when I have considered joining the army. These phases consisted primarily of daydreams in which I was toned, tanned, fit and ready, covered in mud and sweat, and doing innumerable press-ups in a too-tight singlet and camo Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

If this keeps up 2012 could be remembered as the year of the “Batman election”. Instead of simply going to the cinema to watch a maladjusted billionaire get beaten to a pulp by a fruitily gurgling beefcake and leaving seven hours later pining for plot structure and Michelle Pfeiffer, we have to Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Lovebirds

MILOCan’t say I’m nervous as I get dressed for the evening, of course the flaties help me. As I walk down the road to the bar I wonder who I’ll meet. Well I turn up 49 minutes early because being fashionably early is in these days. Finally I go into the bar, grab a seat and wait. I wait 15 minutes, Read more...

Editorial | Issue 18

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 29th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

I tried, oh how I tried, to get up on my high horse and write about the marriage amendment bill that will shortly be coming before Parliament, which will of course allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. But I just couldn’t get passionate about it. Not only is it highly likely that the bill Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Holly Walker

I spent some quality time in Dunedin last week. After screening ‘Inside Child Poverty’ to a small but dedicated audience at Clubs and Socs (kudos to those who voluntarily chose to spend their Friday night with me in the Evison Lounge), I hung around for the weekend to revisit some old haunts: Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

Friday night had come again, and as the flat sat down together there was another person at the dinner table. She had slightly tanned skin and round doe eyes that whispered “No one realises this but I’m wet right now” every time they blinked. But we noticed all right — how could we not? Many planets Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

The signs on doors and the casual “kia ora” all point to te wiki o Te Reo Māori. The weather will tell us we live in Otepoti, and news presenters will wish us a nice “ka kite” after the bulletin, but we should all wonder why we are doing this. Is one week of a few Māori terms really Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 17

Posted 11:08am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Toby Newberry

In the late 19th century, Alfred Russel Wallace independently produced a theory of evolution equivalent to Darwin’s, while also developing ecological ideas that have striking relevance today. Not bad for a working class boy with eight siblings. Wallace grew up in Britain in a state of Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Tēnā Koutou Katoa ngā tauira o te Whare Wānanga o Otago. Ko tēnei te wiki o te reo Māori. Kia Kaha koutou ki te korero te reo Māori ki ō hoa, ki ō kaiako ki ngā tangata katoa. He kaupapa whakahirahira tēnei, Nō reira karawhuia! Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by

The ODT was all over drugs this week after the national statistics for a police drug haul were released. The student body can rest assured: This propensity resulted in a number of animals being admitted to a veterinary clinic after ingesting hash cookies, shrooms, and other tasty Read more...

Poetry | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Do you remember that wild stretch of land with the lone tree guarding the point from the sharp-tongued sea? The fort we built out of branches wrenched from the tree is dead wood now. The air that was thick with the whirr of toetoe spear succumbs at last to the grey gull’s Read more...

For The Record | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about music videos. When The Buggles penned the perennial jukebox favourite “Video Killed the Radio Star”, it’s unlikely they realised just how right they were. While it’s been almost forty years since the one-hit wonder ushered in a new era of television Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by La Dida

“I’m gay, and think your column is crap. Couldn’t you just write about something more positive, like Neil Patrick Harris? I’ll give you a gay reading list if you want. You focus on making well-meaning people feel guilty, and complain too much. I don’t think guilt is a Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Brittany Mann

The 90s enjoy a special place in the hearts of Generation Y, and Y wouldn’t they? It was the decade of chatter rings, Pokémon, Saved by the Bell, and skirts worn over pants. But for the people of Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, it was the decade they became famous for the veritable tidal wave of violence Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

Many things in life are confusing and esoteric – rugby, wine reviews, the word “esoteric”. So that the US election (and, by extension, this column) doesn’t become one of those, let me clarify a few things: New Zealand has a democratic system where the government is elected by the people and Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Metro to add a little more spice. If Read more...

Editorial | Issue 17

Posted 10:46am Sunday 22nd July 2012 by Joe Stockman

There were three issues in the media this week that got me thinking about the limits of free speech, and the difference between offending and harming someone. 01 | The Auckland University Students’ Association asked their members to vote on whether to exclude the group Pro Life after they Read more...

Chaplain Chat | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Paul Winter

Dunedin is a pretty special place, and for many of us it will hold a lot of memories both now and when we are away from it. This time of year is about returning to lil’ ol’ Dunedin after a break away for the holidays, and after all that time of family, and probably a little more warmth, it can Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by

It was a big week for the ongoing love affair between Critic and the ODT. For the first time, at least in living memory, Critic got mentioned on the front cover, followed up a story about our Newsweek cover on page three. And not only did they mention us, but we got the full ODT pun treatment. Read more...

Poetry | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Staff Reporter

Sliding into the dark room From the last bite of night air Jimmy Strong stared through the gloom And took account of all that was queer. Taking a seat and accepting a drink He asked permission, “Allowed to think?” “Who among you, he asked his congregation, Can claim to know the Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Parliament is in recess for two weeks. This is when MPs “connect with their constituents”, “engage with the public”, “get out and about” and other cheesy euphemisms for kissing babies, cutting ribbons, and holding poorly-attended events. I live in the Hutt South electorate, and I try to keep Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Checker-out St Flat

The stupidest of the last remaining social taboos is masturbation. Paedophilia, necrophilia and bestiality are understandably discouraged, but having a fap or a fiddle? Everyone does it. Sticky seats in the Celebrity Squares of the library? Flushed students emerging from a hot lecture with Tony Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

On a recent drive to Christchurch I stopped to use a public loo. In the gathering dusk, the cinderblock building looked so foreboding that I seriously considered leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-style trail from my car, all the better for the police to find my dismembered remains when I met my demise in Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Creepy Uncle Sam

The current orthodoxy when picking a Vice Presidential running mate is to choose somebody who complements the candidate and appeals to different demographics. For instance, Obama is young, black, and eloquent, so he chose Joe Biden, an old white guy who accidentally says “fuck” at press conferences. Read more...

For The Record | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

“Today is a big day for hip hop,” said Def Jam co-founder and hip hop heavyweight Russell Simmons, talking about Frank Ocean recently proclaiming his bisexuality. In a poetically intimate Tumblr post, the Odd Future member and saccharine crooner revealed that his first love was a man. Cue the Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by La Dida

Recent life experiences have taught me something interesting: Christchurch is the progressive centre of the South. It seems wherever I go these days Christchurchians go out of their way to welcome my return to our fair city with my favourite nom de slur: faggot. This word is routinely hiffed at Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by

I have some questions for students who take such an impassioned stance regarding their “right to drink”, especially on the public streets. Why is altering your consciousness with any intoxicant and being an unreal version of yourself such a desperate desire? Why is legal access to guzzling alcohol Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

So the column this week is about my new historical crush, Hypatia. Having a crush like this might seem kinda pointless given that she died more than a thousand years ago, but I’m banking on time-machines being invented pretty soon. Courting Hypatia will be number three on the to-do list, right after Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 16

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 15th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

It seems very 1930s to be having a debate about alcohol, but here we are. Parliament is looking at legislation to up the drinking age, the University is going further and further in its efforts to reign in student drinking, and the city council continues to consider the proposed North Dunedin liquor Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by

Don’t worry – while you were away, the ODT was all over the critical issues affecting Dunedinites and those further afield. As ever, it delivered informative and insightful reporting. For instance, it was able to help Jenny from Brockville, who encountered dire trouble with her electric Read more...

Poetry | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Bradley Watson

You sit there (Can you call it sitting?) staring inquisitively out. Is it true about your memory? That sucks Actually, you suck. No actually, you do: I’ve seen you sucking up all the water Calling it breathing. We breathe too you know, but do you see us Read more...

In 'da House | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Holly Walker

Being Critic editor was great preparation for being an MP. I learned how to put in long nights, manage staff, and be zen about a constantly overflowing inbox. Also, how to do a proper keg stand. That’s less relevant now. Now, I get to “give back” to Critic by writing a column about life in Read more...

Sex at The Dinner Table | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Hugh Hefner and Anna-Nicole Smith

When I first met Tim he turned up at the flat with an ice-cream container filled with caramel slice and a collection of faded pink luggage from his “sister”. My flatmate Shane told me that Tim reeked of virgin, which apparently smells like velvet corduroys. This made me wonder three things Read more...

Notes on a Scandal | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Brittany Mann

This column was inspired by conversations with friends (particularly med students) who have time and again proved to be woefully ignorant of the earth-shattering events that regularly unfold just beyond our borders. I am no current affairs expert. I am not a policy analyst or an Read more...

Yes We Might! | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Showdown at the Storm-in-a-Teapot Corral

Welcome to Critic’s most redundant new column: a weekly update on the United States Presidential election. Redundant, because over the next few months you will have so much Decision 2012 dumped on your head you’ll feel like German zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, who, having administered 22 doses of Read more...

For The Record | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

I’ve owned a Kindle for the last five months. For the first three, it never left its box. Then, in a moment of acute guilt and procrastination, I decided to open the thing up and give it a test drive. I loaded a few novels on and made a real effort at using it in lieu of the traditional book. Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by La Dida

“So, I always thought queer was a nasty word.” The well-meaning middle-aged cis-woman leans in, her head cocked to the left. “Can you explain it to me? What do you mean by queer?” She has a kind face, and her body language indicates she wants to listen. Often as a queer Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Taryn Dryfhout

Think university is tough? Try studying while raising kids, despite the complete absence of any support for “study mummies”. When I was growing up, it was common for mothers and working adults to go to night classes at uni. That allowed people who couldn’t give up their employment or their Read more...

Microbiographia | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Toby Newberry

Hey person reading Critic, here’s your first taste of Microbiographia: awesome people you should have heard of but might not have. Each week I’ll profile a different historical bad-ass, letting you know why they deserve wider acclaim and, on occasion, why they currently languish in obscurity. My Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Editorial | Issue 15

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Joe Stockman

In my first draft of this week’s editorial I referred to myself as a writer, and I quickly became stuck on the idea. Was it really okay to refer to myself as a writer when I am only just getting started in my career? I know that I want to be a writer, a journalist. But what is the threshold that you Read more...

Vice-Chancellor's Column | Issue 15

Posted 4:57pm Sunday 8th July 2012 by Professor Harlene Hayne

I have a confession to make – I love the TV programme The Middle. It accurately captures the heart of Midwestern America, the place where I spent my childhood and attended university. In a recent episode, the Heck family was searching for an inspirational alternative to their traditional Sunday Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Life, even at university, is not solely about study — and that’s a good thing. Everyone has other commitments, be they to whānau, friends, work, or sport teams. Life needs to have balance to be enjoyable. On the other hand, when you’ve got lots on you need to prioritise. Often Māori Read more...

Objection Overruled | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by

This week I’m talking about the plea of insanity – hopefully not for future reference. For legal purposes, insanity means either that a person was labouring under natural imbecility or disease of the mind at the time of the offence, or that they are unfit to stand trial. The defence is not limited Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Kathleen Hanna

Director: Ed Wood Plan 9 from Outer Space is one of the most celebrated science fiction films of all time. Changing tack from the serious social commentary of his previous films Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Atom, legendary director Ed Wood combined slapstick with themes of existentialism, Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by La Dida

In case you missed it, the big news this week was the launch of Rainbow Youth and Outline’s new campaign WTF, which stands for both “What The Fuck” and “Where’s The Funds”. If you haven’t checked it out already, you really should. WTF features a number of well-known New Zealanders, including Read more...

Me Love You Long Time (CriticTV) | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by The Tory Templar

Oh how quickly “Yes We Can” becomes “No We Can’t”. A mere four years ago liberals the world over were hailing Brack Obama as a great orator, a great statesman, our hope for the future. Today we can look back on four years of failure. For all his talk Obama has achieved very little. The Templar Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

We all need a holiday, exams are approaching, and the cold is permeating our unheated flats. Maybe we should take heed of Bill English’s advice (he recommended we take a leaf out of the Greek protesters’ book) and occupy the library until our flats get warm. Just saying. Onto the real issue: the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 14

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Joe Stockman

We’re taking a look at mental health issues this week, specifically depression and suicide. They’re tricky subjects to talk about, and even trickier to talk about in a way that isn’t going to cause more harm than good. I hope that you get something out these articles. It’s unusual not to have been Read more...

Dharma Diaries | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Ven Dr. Maithree

Dear Friends, This is my first article for Critic, and I want to address an issue that creates a great deal of stress for many students – examinations! Examinations are a fact of student life, but how can we do our best if we are nervous and stressed? Buddhism offers clear guidelines for Read more...

How To: Cram for Exams

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

So we’re one week out from exams, and you haven’t been to class since before mid-semester break. You can’t even remember if your paper was about interpretations of classical art in the renaissance or the cell structure of archaebacteria. But fear not! With Critic’s guide to cramming for exams, Read more...

Uncle Howie | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Uncle Howie

Hi Howie, I need some more advice, this time about threesomes. Everybody jokes about them, but I actually think it’s something I would like to experience. So I was thinking about trying to arrange one for next Saturday. I’m sure there are plenty of guys in Dunedin who would be willing to help Read more...

Scarfie Chronicles | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Josie Adams

The past week has seen some pretty freaky business go down, and for once, we’re not talking sexually. Cumberland College has fallen prey to the Grey Lady, the ghost of an unfit mother, and the first years aren’t handling it so well. Some have tried to communicate with the spirit of Rowena Ravenclaw Read more...

Swillable | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Pilbo Swaggins

This week I thought I’d review an interesting little cocktail that I came across via a Peruvian accquaintance of a friend’s sister. The Pisco Sour is the most popular way of consuming Pisco, a Peruvian spirit produced through the distillation of fermented grapes. Its conception was the result of Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by La Dida

If anyone has followed this column you will realise that it has been a rough time in my family of birth A family member has been very unwell, and I have become their primary carer. Throughout this time I have been thinking a lot about family, what it means to me – and what queer/trans folks have Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Toby Newberry

Directors: John Carpenter, Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. A husky dog runs full tilt across an Antarctic plain. Two Norwegians take shots at it with a rifle from a helicopter. As the dog nears a small American research base, as the Norwegians become more desperate. They drop explosives, to no Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

I assume that when most of you walk round uni you appraise your peers at least vaguely holistically – “That chick has a great rack!”, “God I hope those errant lip hairs are for movember and not a perennial thing”, “Shit he smells eerily similar to Kapiti Kikorangi Blue!” – that kind of thing. Me? I Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by The Tory Templar

Rule Britannia may be consigned to the Youtube clips of sixth form history, but Britain’s presence still looms large over this country. With Queen Elizabeth celebrating her diamond jubilee and the Queen’s Birthday holiday around the corner, the question will undoubtedly arise: “Should we be a Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

Queen’s Birthday Weekend is arriving soon, although we students may not get to enjoy our expensive holiday. Why do we celebrate it anyhow? Red and Starry Eyed gets no holiday when it’s his birthday. Who is this old dinosaur the Queen? I have certainly never met her, so it boggles my mind that we Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Joe Stockman

In 1913 Henry Ford had a problem with his new Model T. There simply weren’t enough people who could afford to buy it. He also had issues with worker attrition. Overworked and underpaid staff would quit, or simply fail to turn up. What Ford did revolutionised industry in the US. He doubled the wage Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Working away in my office at Te Roopū Māori whare you hear a lot of things. Mondays are usually interesting hearing about the events of the weekend; but of late so are Thursday mornings due to the new “reality” TV show The GC. For those that don’t know, it’s a show that follows a Read more...

How To: Be a Muso

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

Breaking into the music scene is a huge challenge, especially in a country as small as NZ. You need the right sound, the right look, good timing, and that certain something that sets you apart from the crowd. But fear not aspiring musicians! Critic has put together an easy guide on how to be a muso Read more...

Objection Overruled | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by

Copyright exists by virtue of someone having authored or created a work. It exists in literary, dramatic, musical or artistic works, sound recordings, films, communication works and typographical arrangements of published editions. Copyright attaches automatically to all original works. You Read more...

Proctology | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Callum Fredric

This week in Wacky Student Antics™, two young gentlemen decided to climb one of the 30-metre lighting towers by the railway station, presumably to gain a panoramic view of the picturesque landscape of car repair shops and courier depots. Police arrived to negotiate their return to ground level, Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by La Dida

So Obama has outed himself as a supporter of marriage equality. I am not really queuing up to shake his hand for this. Really, that should have been a given, if there was to be any consistency with the rest of his message. I have written previously that gay marriage is not my priority – it Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Kathleen Hanna

Director: Terrence Malick I do not write this piece as a Terrence Malick fan. In fact I find his films insufferably pretentious: The “profound” voiceovers delivered invariably by a murmur, a child, or a murmuring child; the randomly-interspersed Beautiful Shots Of Nature (which for all we Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Isaac McFarlane

How do you write a diatribe on music? A rant. An angry opinion. Complaints. How can you passionately be upset about anyone’s opinions on a subject that is entirely subjective, a subject that is all opinion? Upset or angry are words that should not crop up in music discussions. It’s like Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by The Tory Templar

Whilst the world worries about whether the Eurozone will last the month, and the rest of New Zealand worries whether our women are truly the sluts that Colin Craig claims they are, we here in Dunedin are rather preoccupied with a certain fiberglass-like structure. Yes, the stadium, built as the Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

Dunedin’s stadium, far from being “world-class”, may be overshadowed by a stadium in Christchurch that will also be covered. Shame. It seems future Dunedinites will look at Forsyth Barr from afar and see it as a relic of a council that did not listen to its voters, and spent well out of its budget, Read more...

Editorial | Issue 12

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Joe Stockman

As you can (maybe) tell from the photo, I finally graduated on Saturday. It was a long and at times hard road, and it is pretty satisfying to be done. And while the actual graduation ceremony can drag a bit, the expensive alcohol and gourmet food afterwards made it all worthwhile. Graduating Read more...

Every Day I’m chapil’n | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Mike Wright

What do you notice? What do you notice as hold this copy of Critic in your hands; as you start to read this column? Take a minute to look around. Who or what do you see; the colours, the light and shadows? Listen. What do you hear; close by and further off? What smells do you notice? And what do you Read more...

Scarfie Chronicles | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Josie Adams

This week in scarfie shenanigans: increased nudity! As the days grow colder, one man seemed to feel the need to fight his developing winter blubber: He was spotted running naked up the Dundas hill one crisp Friday evening. The current theory as to why is eyebrows. Witnesses reported that he seemed Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

Every week a small group gathers on the Otago Union Lawn to openly smoke cannabis as a group. Many people can’t understand why we do this. Some people support us, but think we are crazy for putting our necks on the line and risking arrest. Others just think we are degenerate criminals. Either way, Read more...

Swillable | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Pilbo Swaggins

Taste: 8/10 Price: 12 for $20 (on special) Percentage: 5% As winter creeps in the ease with which a cold beer can be consumed increases noticeably. With many Scarfie flats dipping below the temperature of the fridges in them it becomes convenient to just leave the box in the lounge, not Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by La Dida

My friend Sam had this awesome idea last year. Instead of buying decorations for his Christmas tree, he and his partner decided to make sparklies of their own. Rather than plastic angels and itchy tinsel, Sam created special queer/trans Christmas decorations. His Christmas tree kind of became a Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Theo Kay

Director: Mary Harron American Psycho tracks the life of Patrick Bateman. He is 27 years old, has a group of work-hard-play-hard Wall Street friends, a fiancée (Reese Witherspoon) and listens to Huey Lewis and the News. He has a meticulous morning regiment of facial scrubs. But like the herb Read more...

Geekology | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Robbie Masters

If there’s one foodstuff that everyone should be required to consume at least once in their life, it’s guaranteed to be chilli peppers. Maybe a cayenne pepper or perhaps a habanero? If you’re particularly brave, you could opt for the one of the world’s hottest chilli peppers, the Naga viper or the Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Lovebirds

Critic’s blind date column has been running for a while now. We’ve all got some good laughs out of it, and at least a few people have scored themselves a night of romance. But here at Critic we feel that it’s time that we stepped it up a notch. The date is now at Little India to add a little more Read more...

The Tory Templar | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by The Tory Templar

The ACT Party may be tying its own noose but it will still be able to get its pet project passed into law. Charter schools are a pretty simple concept. They receive the same per-child government funding as state schools but have the freedom to set their own curriculum and qualifications, teacher Read more...

Red and Starry Eyed | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Red and Starry Eyed

Despite the ACT Party receiving almost no support in the last elections, it got an MP and four portfolios paid for by a cup of tea. The famous tea tapes that Key didn’t want to talk about are now online under “Two Johns one cup”. Listen to them; the two politicians show utter contempt for their own Read more...

Editorial | Issue 11

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Joe Stockman

As you may have been able to tell from the cover, we’re having a look at drugs this week. Just as I am not allowed to print anything in Critic about people peeing on each other for sexual pleasure, I’m also not allowed to say anything that might incite or promote drug taking. So I won’t. But I can Read more...

Te Roopu Māori | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Lisa Pohatu

Kia Ora whānau, It’s that time of the year already … Graduations, for a few of us older tauira it is the chance to catch up with old friends who are in the workforce and to reminisce about the good times and memories we all shared. For others, this will be your first time to experience Read more...

Uncle Howie | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Uncle Howie

Dear Uncle Howie, I can’t believe I’m writing in, but I need your advice/knowledge/wisdom and after reading your column I think you’re the go-to person on such a topic. I recent acquired a Fuck Buddy who is dynamite in the sack but my complete opposite and he enjoys talking for at Read more...

Objection Overruled | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by

Drink driving. As with drugs and casual sex, many students have dabbled. Whether it is a morning-after stint or a blatant act of driving obliterated, drink driving is rife in New Zealand. This is particularly so in the Southern Region, where 16-24 year olds are over-represented compared with the Read more...

Classic Film | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Lukas Clark-Memler

Director: Richard Linklater Richard Linklater’s Slacker is considered one of the defining points of 20th century American independent cinema. It signalled the dawn of a new era for independent directors, proving that one does not need expensive equipment or “stars” to successfully create a Read more...

Swillable | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Mr Squid

Müller-Thurgau Alcohol Content: 8% Price: $10 As any decent wine critic knows, the difference between a good wine and a bad wine is the quality of the grape. This week’s review covers a vino about as appealing as a lamb shank from the 2-4. It tastes like a yucky chardonnay. Read more...

Proctology | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Staff Reporter

It was belting down with rain when Critic went along to the Proctor’s office last Tuesday; we must have been the only people to ever want to stay in his office longer than absolutely necessary. Campus Watch have been on the lookout for a persistent peeping tom (what is it about guys named Read more...

No Fringe, No Indie | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Sasha Borissenko

This week’s style commentary will feature the satire created by political commentator Chris Trotter but with an Otago University twist. Without further ado, introducing the “Waitakere Jock”: The Waitakere jock tends to enjoy the odd pint while watching a good game of rugby with the lads. Read more...

Straight Up | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by La Dida

This week’s column is about Intersexions, a documentary that premiered in Auckland last week. The film is a collaboration between my dear friend Mani Mitchell and Mark Lahood. It shares the stories of a number of intersex folks across the world, interwoven with Mani’s story. Mani is a part of a Read more...

Diatribe | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by John Brinsley-Pirie

I don’t think everyone who opposes Crafar Farms is a racist. I do think they are wrong. I will be making a case for why we should allow sales of land to foreign owners and why that benefits us as a country. Turning first to an important principle, the right to own land itself. In NZ we think Read more...

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 10

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Lovebirds

Dunedin is renowned for many things, but its dating scene is not one of them. Getting boozed and pashing people on the dance floor is hardly anyone’s idea of romance, so Critic wants to sort you out. Every week we’re sending two loveless loners on a blind date to Tokyo Gardens (with a bottle of wine Read more...