Archive

C.S. Brewis and George Pourwell's Guide to Little Fat Lamb

Posted 6:26pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by George Pourwell

Little Fat Lamb are still pretty fresh on the scene of getting scarfies loose, having only been around for about 3 years, but they sure have made a name for themselves. Here’s a rundown on each flavour and what they say about you.   The Holy Trinity Ginger: Ginger is your Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Coach Carr and Trang Pak

Posted 6:15pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz   Coach Carr My first blind date. Where to begin, this was a first for me. Nerves Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | One Sad Fluffer

Posted 10:13pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Critic

Back in 2015 my rabbit, Mr Fluffy, died, and I was grief-ravaged. I know that sounds like a joke, but I was a fresher living away from home for the first time, neck-deep in the shit creek that is HSFY, hadn’t made any friends in my hall, and my childhood pet had died. To top it off I Read more...

10 Ways to Die on a Lime

Posted 9:54pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Critic

1. Ride down Castle St. in the rain and skid on a puddle, falling head first into a bin of shattered Speight’s bottles.  Cause of death: party foul   2. Take too many selfies while riding and crash into the Leith Cause of death: vanity   3. Ride Read more...

Lecturer Makes Snide Comment About Student Attendance, Not Realising He’s Died and Become a Ghost

Posted 9:47pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“Samuel Bronk?! I’ve never met this person. Are they even taking this paper?” said Classics lecturer Harold McHuckley, as he read out the roll of people supposed to be taking his 700-level paper CLAS767: The Foreskin in Classical Croatian Pottery. Unfortunately for Associate Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 03

Posted 6:46pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by R. RY, Bachelor of Arts

Every week before I open, with trembling hands, the hallowed pages of the ODT I say to myself, “Don’t get your hopes up, Bazza. There’s no way they can come up with a better pun than they did last week. Even genius stoops to mediocrity now and then”. But every week I dare to Read more...

Currency

Posted 6:12pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Bart English

If I had a dollar for every time someone  Wanted my 2 cents,  I’d be able to sell them  for the price of a penny my thoughts. And once I’d have enough, I’d exchange all that spare change,  sell that silver spoon I’ve been suckling on as Read more...

How to Be a Less Shit Cook | Tuesday Night n Day Deals

Posted 5:45pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Gordon Oliver

One of the most important things to learn in martial arts is when not to use martial arts. The same applies to cooking.   So this week I present:   The Tuesday Night ‘n Day Deals Ranked From Best to Worst:   1. $2 Criss-Cross Chips For some reason potato Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Diesel

Posted 5:42pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

Naming a beverage after a kind of petrol is a pretty questionable business decision. I get the vibe they were probably going for – “It’s like fuel, for your body!” but instead Diesel comes across as smelly and messy as its namesake. If I wanted body fuel I would go with an Up Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Issue 03

Posted 5:41pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     HER Okay so right off the bat if you’re here for a super juicy Read more...

“Let’s Go Out Tonight and Stand in the UBar Line!”

Posted 5:36pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“Oh my gosh, do you know what the best idea in the world is? Let’s go get drunk and yell about what a bad time we’re having while we wait for hours in the cold and rain to be let into UBar!” said Hamish Glunder to his assembled friends, who all nodded enthusiastically. Read more...

Local Adrenaline Junkie Lets Fingers Get Dangerously Close to Carrot Grater

Posted 5:33pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Her blood banged in her ears louder than a lecturer testing their microphone, sweat flooded her pores, her mind was alive with the electric-quick rush of danger. Another grate, pushing her right to the edge, that delicious line between life and death.  This is what she lives for. This is the Read more...

Dunedin’s Entire Allocation of Lime Scooters Already Submerged in Leith River

Posted 5:32pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by The Critical Tribune

After the shock announcement that Lime scooters would return to Dunedin streets on Thursday morning, the Tribune arrived at the Leith in time to see two strange men standing outside a white Toyota Hiace with blacked out windows. One by one, they threw their cargo of Limes over the fence and into the Read more...

The Week the ODT Learned an Important Lesson About the Effectiveness of Coitus Interruptus

Posted 9:27pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by R. RY, Bachelor of Arts

Having barely got to grips with the internal combustion engine, perhaps it was a bit much to expect the ODT to seamlessly handle the transition into a more citrusy zeitgeist:      Then again, I don’t read the ODT for their bleeding edge journalism. If I want Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions : Summer Spree

Posted 8:08pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic

You could say I’m a bit tame. With no outrageously raunchy O-Week tales from first or second year and not a lot of action throughout either, you could consider me an underdog in the game of love. I’m an independent woman who don’t need no man, a busy gal and I have better things to Read more...

How To Be A Less Shit Cook : Fennel and Beetroot Salad

Posted 8:05pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Gordon Oliver

It’s round one of flat cooking and you’re stepping up to the plate, literally. What are you gonna cook for your new flatmates? Your culinary reputation is at stake. How about some pasta with a tomato sauce? Congratulations, you’ve just made the culinary equivalent of a black and Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews : Rekorderlig Cider

Posted 8:02pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

Ah. Rekorderlig cider. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Thou art like a juicy medieval farm girl with overflowing cleavage and a father who is away at war. She may not have basic hygiene, but the sweat and sweet juices of the day’s labours Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Jordan Peterson and Jacinda Ardern

Posted 8:01pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Jordan Peterson I entered the crowded restaurant red faced, Read more...

Education Officer Does Not Value Own Education

Posted 7:57pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by The Scarfie Archivist

It’s three days into the semester and OUSA Education Officer Will Dreyer has already skipped a class.  Dreyer ran on podcasting lectures, and was obviously confident that his policy was already in place. Little did he know that his 500 level paper consisting of 12 people did not, in Read more...

Student Unsure How Old University Is

Posted 7:56pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Dunedin student Jernice McManus was left in a veil of ignorance today after trying to remember how old the University of Otago is. “I feel like it’s been around for a while. Who knows, it might even be an anniversary or something. I wish I could go to an event celebrating the long and Read more...