Critic Booze Reviews | Billy Maverick

Critic Booze Reviews | Billy Maverick

Those who can’t make friends, write booze reviews. Those who can’t drink beer, drink Billy Mavs. Billy Mavs is, in a nutshell, a bogan drink for classy people.

Did you attend Kings College? Perhaps John McGlashan High School? Maybe even St Andrew’s College? Then chances are you have sculled this sweet son of a bitch during pres before a rugby game. You’re rich, misunderstood, and just trying to fit in with the poor public school lot. No, you don’t drink wine. Yuck! Scotch? How medieval! Just pour some bourbon and cola in a can, talk about how the gender pay gap is a myth, and call it a day why don’t ya. Now you’re truly “one of the boys”, despite being family friends with Bill English. Bill’s cool, the boys will understand.

Look, I get it. Billy Mavs are delicious. An 18 pack of these will do me nicely on a Tuesday afternoon when my MacBook Pro has run out of power and my Adidas sneakers are covered in mud. The booze slips nicely down the ol’ hatch, the price isn’t bad, and won’t get you disgusted looks from your peers for the mere crime of consuming the damn thing. But for the love of god, James, or Josh or Jack, just own your identity. You’re going to grow up to be a chartered accountant. Maybe it’s time to start learning how to drink red wine so you don’t have hide your grimacing face at every office function. Billy Mavs are only holding you back, babe.


Taste Rating: 6.9/10

Froth Level: receiving AirPods for Christmas fuck yeah!!

Pairs well with: paying private school fees but taking the day off to go to maccas with the lads

Tasting notes: Bill English’s neck grease

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2019.
Posted 11:53pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath.